Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.
First of All, I Apologize
to you or anyone who would think that the text or photos in this hub could possibly be centered about cheap, lustful copy that coincides with women wearing high heels. But it's not. I want to disarm the old myth about women who wear heels are always the women whose reputation can be (in my best adult terms) shady. Again. This is not the women who love heels fault. If any fault is to be attached are the uneducated men from the early 1950's and early 1960's.
It used to be a norm. You sit down watch a good old black and white detective show and midway, the private eye is having a meeting with a powerful man in his city when the sound of a saxophone blares out a few suggestive notes and the cameraman only shoots the girl from her waist down, but making sure that her high heels are visible.
In 2021, I would quickly yell, sexual harassment. Wouldn't you?
I Thought That High Heels
were just for women who wanted to look pretty, you have said over the era's, but no. I am going to (try) open your eyes and reveal a very hard truth about these deceptive shoes that have kept us hypnotized as well as gave us men lots of pleasure to view a pretty woman walk in them. I know. You think that I am desperately trying to set you up with a hilarious joke. Nope. This piece is a far cry from a joke. It is a cry to alarm people everywhere on how to be aware of high heels and how they can hurt, even maim innocent people.
And while I am writing this hub, my heart aches at the sight of a women with high heels that were so exciting, but the high heels deception came to surface in the early 1950's Yes, in an era that saw Elvis Presley, Little Richard, and others carve a new style of music replacing Rudy Vallee and then came the fashion news that was kept quiet while the arguments about women's dress hem lines were to be higher or lower.
During all of these fast-moving changes, the dangerous high heels laid still in the high grass and planned their attack. Yes, I said attack. An attack that could overtake an entire political system, the U.S. Military and the Pentagon and even the Presidency of The U.S.A. High heels, ladies and gentlemen, are that deadly.
Not Even Professor Harold Hill
(Robert Preston) who starred in the Music Man in 1962, could have did such a sly job of pulling the wool over our eyes as a pair of pretty high heels could do in the spam of time as one night. That's right! Yes, you got trouble. Trouble that rhymes with "H" that spells heels right here in River City. Okay, so I didn't memorize the entire soundtrack of this multi-famous film. My job is not to teach singing or acting, but to bring poisonous things like high heels to the light of day so we can all walk happily with peace at knowing that another con job has been banned.
So, how would a woman in heels go about bringing injury to an innocent man? Easy. Continue Reading.
⦁ A gorgeous brunette walks gingerly down any sidewalk in any city of the U.S.A. She appreciates the cat calls, whistles, and phrases of appreciation fill the air. Yes. Another gang of innocent citizens are about to be in trouble.
⦁ A curious, middle-aged guy, married with a wife and three kids, take a quick notice to the sweet-looking brunette bomb shell and you could say that for his ogling of the pretty girl is about to be thwarted.
⦁ He sidles up to where she will be passing him, and adjusts his two-dollar tie and checks his breath to see if she will be offended or not. He really doesn't care because she is so gorgeous and he means to have some time with her.
⦁ The gorgeous brunette walks to where he's standing. He opens his mouth and starts to say, uhhhh, sayyyy, doll, want to have a bite to eat?
⦁ She freezes. Then halfway smiles. (he should have known that this was her only warning) he tries to speak again, but before he can say anything else, her right high heel is planted securely into his left leg sending him crying for help, get me to the hospital, and someone please help me!
⦁ The pretty brunette smiles again, says nothing, checks her pretty hair and continues her very rhythmic walk and is not seen again.
Guys, this is to you: if you must say something to a gorgeous girl, make sure that she isn't wearing high heels. This advice sounds innocent, sure, but it pays to respect yourself as well as any women who might be around you.
Here's More About High Heels
⦁ Most men do not know that a women's high heels are very dangerous. A pair of high heels could be standard equipment to the C.I.A.'s most-successful undercover agents because her high heels, if used right, can be lethal.
⦁ The sharp toes of the heels are obviously to be respected because in th case of the pretty brunette that we talked about (above), high heels can be used quicker than most Kung Fu masters and more dangerous than hits given by Karate experts--because the two sharp toes of the heels are sharp enough to cause any enemy plenty of suffering.
⦁ The heel of course is high, three to five-inches and forget about how the heels are used by a gorgeous woman, just pay a lot of respect to her heels. Do not mention them. And if you get to know her well and begin to date, she might want to take her high heels off in your car or apartment. I say . . .LET her! Do not try to force her to keep her high heels on. It is to your advantage, guys.
⦁ The (heel of her) heels can be thorn such as the Kung Fu battle star and the heels toes and heels act as two sharp edges that can hurt.
⦁ The woman who wears high heel is armed enough to be able to escape most hostage, kidnapping and not have any scars. If her high heels cannot be thrown for her defense, she can use her heels and stick them into her assailant.
Now, guys, are you aware now that each time that you meet a lovely woman who is wearing heels that she can cause you some serious damage if you push her far enough.
Guys, if You Must Say
⦁ to a girl whom you have just met, as you smile as her, shake her hand and quickly say, my name is Karl and I have a lot of respect for your heels.
⦁ If you are sitting in a doctor's waiting room, and this lovely blond walks in and accidentally swipes her foot against your leg, DO NOT say a word or scream something profane at her. Quickly say, awww, that is fine. No harm done. You will be surprised at just how much the girl will appreciate you.
⦁ Guys, this is the most-important tips that I can give you. I promise that if you follow this advice, you will be thought of as a man with an humble spirit. If you and the girl that you met in the doctor's waiting room, then after three months of dinners, shows, and intimate moonlight walks, if she is not wearing her heels while in your home, you DO NOT offer to put her heels on for her. This is so not right that by doing this, that pretty girl's image of you will suddenly change and not for the good. Just avoid such things like this and you will be fine.
February 16, 2021__________________________________________________
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© 2021 Kenneth Avery
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on February 18, 2021:
Lol! I had never quite thought of high heels as weapons.
But from your advice to men in this article, I suppose they can be a bit hazardous to one's health.
There was a time I wanted to wear high heels but now I would probably break my own leg trying to gracefully walk in them.
Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on February 18, 2021:
You are too funny! This article was another fun one to read. Thanks for the smiles.
John Ward. on February 16, 2021:
With wife´s Dementia don´t get many opportunities to open hub pages. So I do feel a bit of joy in reading a piece from you. I can find a reason to smile. It would be an understatement to say that I enjoyed reading this, It did bring back some memories. Especially when you mentioned the black and white and the sleuth, the showing of the girl or woman from waist dohwn accentuating her high heels. Usually, the film from the hips down.