The Gray Hair I Asked For

Updated on July 4, 2018
rmcrayne profile image

Rose Mary is an Air Force veteran and an Occupational Therapist. She enjoys researching and writing on a variety of topics.

Sebastian and me July 2008.
Sebastian and me July 2008.


This is the story of why I have gray hair, actually the gray hair that I asked for. Surprising perhaps for someone known for dramatic long dark hair for the greater part of my life. I had long straight hair all through junior high, high school and junior college. It was my trademark.


I had a few short hair years in my early 20s, with a “poodle perm” like Barbara Streisand’s in A Star is Born. By my mid-20s it was long and straight again. I returned to curly with a long dramatic spiral perm just before I turned 30. I had to wear my long hair pinned up because of the military. It felt old and ugly, like a “granny bun”. What woman needs that?! After about 8 years in the Air Force, I finally went short for good in my late 30s.


Me in the 8th grade.
Me in the 8th grade.
My High School Senior picture.  Lots of long hair behind me.
My High School Senior picture. Lots of long hair behind me.



Around 2001, when I was about 42, a phlebotomist drawing my blood in the lab at Wilford Hall Medical Center (Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonio Texas) said, “Are you going to leave your hair like that?” This young man spoke very good English, but heavily accented. It took a few seconds for what he had said to sink in.


My first thought was, “Oh my gosh, I forgot to comb my hair!” In quick succession, my next thought was “Is my hair over my collar?” But he was a civilian, and probably wouldn’t be thinking about military regulations regarding women’s hair. I timidly asked “What do you mean?”


“Your hair,” he said, “Are you going to leave the gray?”


In a funny way relieved, I said “Well actually, yes. That’s my plan. I got the hair I asked for.” It would be bad Karma to mess with that.


Not knowing what to expect, I was a bit surprised when he said “Good. I like it.”


Funny how relieved you can be at a stranger’s approval. So we’re bonding over my hair. I decided to share my “hair story” with him, but a shorter version than what I share with you here.


My glamour photo with my spiral perm about age 30.  I only looked glamorous for about an hour.
My glamour photo with my spiral perm about age 30. I only looked glamorous for about an hour.

 

I always looked like my dad, and surely got my dark hair from him.  But this didn’t “count”.  He has guy hair, and very little hair I might add.  My mom has baby fine light brown hair, to this day with very little gray.  Two of her sisters, my Aunt Blanche and Aunt Ola Belle (how are those for Southern names?) both have dark hair, and like Mom, very little gray.  My Aunt Totsie had the darkest hair, like mine. 

 

Aunt Totsie’s actual name was Mary Christine.  I was named after her, Rose Mary.  My sister was named after her, Christy Gaye.  My grandmother dubbed her Totsie because she was a petite baby, just a wee tot.  Aunt Totsie gave me my first bath when I came home from the hospital.  She also gave my sister her first bath. 

Aunt Totsie and me when I was about 22.  She was about 52.
Aunt Totsie and me when I was about 22. She was about 52.

 

I lived with Aunt Totsie and Uncle Jack for a year as I was preparing to go back to college.  She spoiled me some would say.  She would gently call and nudge me to get up each morning for work.  I was always a night owl, which she verified to be the case even when I was a toddler.  She would turn on my hot curlers to be ready when I finally got up.  She’s see me off to work each day.  We’d go shopping together.  When I took an EMT class, she would have my dinner waiting in the oven when I got home late. 

 

This was when I was in my early 20s.  Aunt Totsie’s hair was making the transition to gray, and I thought it was simply beautiful.  It had nice texture and thickness.  She had it in a really nice wedge-like hairstyle that I really liked.  I remember being in her dining room with some of our other family members, as we often congregated.  I declared that if my hair started to gray as evenly, naturally and age appropriately as Aunt Totsie’s, I would never dye it. 

 

My Air Force regulation granny bun. Mess dress uniform.
My Air Force regulation granny bun. Mess dress uniform.
Aunt Totsie age 78, after Alzheimers, about 18 months before she died.
Aunt Totsie age 78, after Alzheimers, about 18 months before she died.

 

Remember, this was when I was in my early 20s.  Some would have said, “Oh you’ll change your mind.”  You certainly can’t hide gray when you have dark hair.  But I never did change my mind.  I have always had a good attitude about my gray hair.  I have always liked it.  I love the heavier texture.  I think it is graying in evenly, naturally and age appropriately.  Just like Aunt Totsie’s.  Just like I asked for.  And that’s a beautiful thing. 

 

I had a breast cancer client who had beautiful dark hair.  On a follow-up visit, she told me she had not only made peace with losing her hair to chemo, but she had been inspired by my gray hair.  She had decided to let her new hair come in natural.  Quite a compliment, and further testament to Aunt Totsie, a breast cancer survivor. 

Gray Hair Poll

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Questions & Answers

    Comments

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    • profile image

      DJ Anderson 

      5 years ago

      Great story!

      I used to pay big bucks to have highlights put into my hair.

      I now call my gray hair, "Natural Highlights", and its FREE!!

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      7 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks so much for the visit and comment crysyolite.

    • crystolite profile image

      Emma 

      7 years ago from Houston TX

      Excellent article,well descriptive and articulated.Interesting story which i enjoyed reading.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      7 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      I agree xres55. When did it become a crime to look your age?!

    • profile image

      xres55rummerxr 

      7 years ago

      I have gray hair and plan to keep it! Glad that my vote in that poll put us back on top of the polls. Nothing really wrong with this, man or woman gray hair is fine.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Good for you LPogue! I blamed my gray on things like Anatomy & Physiology classes. Now I can definitely add Air Force to the list.

    • LPogue profile image

      LPogue 

      8 years ago from Missouri

      I quit dying my hair several years ago. My grown son told me then that it was embarrassing to him. My response? I told him that it should embarrass him, since each one had his name on it. LOL! I have often received compliments on the silver in my hair, and plan to never dye it again.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      I hear ya mel. I know a couple young guys who said " I hope I have a head FULL of gray hair when I get older."

    • mel22 profile image

      mel22 

      8 years ago from ,

      Unfortunately, I stated severely balding in my mid 20's so any hair regardless if grey would be good 4 me !

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks for the visit agaglia. I understand about being attached to your hair color. For me, the risks with dark hair dye are definitely not worth it. Google something like "bladder cancer" and "hair dye". You should get a number of hits that elaborate on your risks. Best of luck.

    • agaglia profile image

      agaglia 

      8 years ago

      I know I have some gray hair, but I prefer to keep the browns and reds going for awhile longer. Eventually, I'll let the natural color come out form hiding.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks Zizish. If I understand you correctly, I surprised you in a good way, which is 'yeah me!' Yes, please stay tuned for Poodle Me!

    • Zizish profile image

      Zizish 

      8 years ago

      Great story! Not what I expected at all from the title, either. Good tips and inspiring reminder that we could all do with a bit of liking ourselves just the way we are! I'm subscribing to your hub, so I won't miss the poodle perm!

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks Rope. Still meaning to post a picture of the "poodle perm" a la Barbra Streisand and Bette Midler. I haven't had any bad comments yet, at least not to my face! I agree, we earned them!

    • The Rope profile image

      The Rope 

      8 years ago from SE US

      What wonderful pics! You are amazing! My gray has been creaping in for several years now and I'm getting comments both good and bad, ah well...I don't plan to change, it's mine and I earned these wisps. Thanks for the validation!!!

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      What a nice compliment 2patricias. You make a great point. Not all gray is "created equal". Gray hair doesn't "get lost" in dark hair like it might in lighter colored hair. Gray is pretty obvious in dark hair, lots of contrast. I just think of it like getting highlights, but without the chemicals or cost.

    • 2patricias profile image

      2patricias 

      8 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

      Such a sweet story Pat is blonde and her hair is gradually turning snow white. This makes her look even more pale! Not sure if this is a good thing.

      Tricia also blonde, but hair turning more grey. hmm. Not sure about this either.

      thanks for sharing.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Carmen thanks for reading. I too think your hair is beautiful. Current research shows you're probably saving yourself bladder cancer as well.

    • Carmen Borthwick profile image

      Carmen Borthwick 

      8 years ago from Maple Ridge, B.C.

      Good for you! I let my hair go silver a year ago and love it! I can't remember any time in my life that so many people have told me how much they like my hair, I should have done it years ago I could have saved a ton of money LOL

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks for commenting Christine. As you can see, you and Christy are the only 2 family members to do so. Sadly I can't remember who told me the story, Granny Bobb or Aunt Totsie, though I am reasonably certain it was one of them.

    • profile image

      Nitrogen Girl 

      8 years ago from Southeastern United States

      I'd never known the story behind the nickname "Totsie." Thanks for sharing that and making me look forward to perhaps greying like she did one day. I always joke with mom that I take after grandma and not her.

      Christine

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks Green Lotus. What an incredibly nice thing to say.

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 

      8 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      I loved your story mcrayne. You are so beautiful inside and out.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thank you and thanks for reading and commenting mayhmong.

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 

      8 years ago from North Carolina

      You must of looked good all the time with it!

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks for reading and commenting Mayhmong. Maybe the guy was lucky. I really was worried I had not combed my hair that morning. A couple weeks before I had gone to the gym in the hospital at the end of the work day, thinking I would go straight home. I changed my mind and decided make a quick stop at the grocery store. Later that night I looked in the mirror and realized I had buffed my short hair dry with a towel after my workout, and it was all over the place. I had gone to the grocery store like that!

    • mayhmong profile image

      mayhmong 

      8 years ago from North Carolina

      That's one brave guy to ask you about your hair! That was a sweet story. :)

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Thanks for reading and commenting magdielqr.

    • magdielqr profile image

      magdielqr 

      8 years ago

      Great story. Thank you

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Amy, multiple good points. I've heard lots of guys say they didn't care what color hair they had, so long as they have hair! I had always said I earned my gray hairs, with chemistry, physics, gross anatomy, etc. That was before the Air Force! It's a wonder I'm not completely white by now.

      Aqua, I'm really glad you and others liked the pictures. I was a little concerned I went overboard. Now I'm thinking about adding 1 "poodle hair" picture.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Wendi thanks for sharing your story, and thanks for the compliment!

    • Aqua profile image

      Aqua 

      8 years ago from California

      Great story and I loved seeing all the pictures!

    • atomswifey profile image

      atomswifey 

      8 years ago from Michigan

      I like it :) I think the grey makes people looked distinguished and we do earn every one of them! lol I carry mine with pride. Actually my grey hairs are white. And I mean white-white! lol

      But I look at them as a sign that I have done a good job working hard and as long as I don't go bald, I am happy :lol:

    • Wendi M profile image

      Wendi M 

      8 years ago from New Hampshire

      I really liked your story. I once had natural aurburn colored hair...the color people paid to have. My mother told me, all of my life, never to touch the color of my hair. Well I did...about 2 years ago, and ever since I've, miserably, been trying to get it back to normal. I wish I had just done what you did and chosen the humble and natural route. By the way, you do have very pretty hair.

    • rmcrayne profile imageAUTHOR

      rmcrayne 

      8 years ago from San Antonio Texas

      Catherine, Lily, Christy, lynne, lyrics and myownworld thanks so much ladies for reading and appreciating my personal story and photos. For all of us, a big “You go girl!” Embrace gray!

      Catherine some of my perms used to lighten my hair, so I experienced somewhat the dye/roots thing. Enough to know I probably wouldn’t like dealing with it as you said. I understand where you’re coming from though. We have a family friend who had completely white hair in her 30s and never dyed it. It’s beautiful, but she’s always looked older than her husband.

      Lily I have had so many breast cancer patients report this dramatic change in hair texture, including curly hair! I’ll want to link to one or more of your hubs. Which one is the best for hair changes after chemo?

      Christy, one of my biggest fans. I especially appreciate you signing in to read the final product after having to listen to multiple drafts at home!

      lynne, I love the texture that the gray gives my hair. So much easier for me to pull off a short hairstyle with the gray texture.

      Kimberly, no hair dye, one less toxin in your body. Think “Aunt Totsie!” like a battle cry, like “Tawanda!” from Fried Green Tomatoes.

      myownworld glad you enjoyed!

      Rose Mary

    • myownworld profile image

      myownworld 

      8 years ago from uk

      What a unique hub! Personal stories always carry a charm of their own (even if they are just about one's hair!)...so thanks for sharing it...x

    • profile image

      lyricsingray 

      8 years ago

      What a great Hub and you really have inspired me to throw away those drug store annoying hair dye kits and with lots of grey, be who I am. Most the women in my family were completely grey by 30. I am going grey girl! Thanks and you gotta love Aunt Totsie! Thanks for the inspiration - girl power! Kimberly

    • profile image

      lynnechandler 

      8 years ago

      Great inspiration here. I decided not to do the all over color again and am letting mine go grey, lol. It is coming in curly instead of straight which is a bit different and it is a bit coarse too. Unusual as mine has always been baby fine.

    • profile image

      Christy8914 

      8 years ago

      I agree with the ladies, it looks good on you Rose Mary. I too wear my natural grey and I like it, but I do sometimes think if I colored it, I might be thought to be a tiny bit younger than I am. I do not like being "less younger" than I used to be...Thanks for a great story.

    • Lily Rose profile image

      Lily Rose 

      8 years ago from A Coast

      I had a few greys before losing my hair with chemo. Now that it's growing back I have a lot more and I'm not too concerned about it, really - I'm still trying figure out how to deal with the curls I've never had before!

      Great huba and great pictures, Rose Mary!

    • Catherine R profile image

      Catherine R 

      8 years ago from Melbourne, Australia

      Good for you. Your greying hair looks just great. There is a lot to be said for looking natural and it is very boring to have to keep coloring the roots every few weeks. I have quite a lot of grey hair which I color because it started going grey when I was quite young. I am only 43 now and have been wondering if it will age me if I just let it grow out but I think maybe I should cut it. Lovely to look at all your pictures of various ages!

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