The Devil's Angel
A woman once said to me, "If they couldn't show you how to. Know that your time has not been a waste; you still have learned. They have shown you how not to." Before I heard those words, the world made little sense to me. I was angry all the time, and I never knew why. I was defensive, insecure, and weak. I felt this way in all aspects of life until I understood what I was missing: perspective. Perspective is what learning is, its understanding, its mindset, its peace, it's everything. "You need perspective to understand it. You must have experienced it."
You hear children asking the question," Why?" all the time for a reason. At a young age, you crave knowledge, and you desire to learn. Because of this, they see things differently. When you're young, you're a blank canvas. You have no opinion; you have no stand, no person to be. As you get older, you start to grow these feelings. Instead of always being happy or sad as a kid, you develop new feelings. Emotions like anger, disgust, annoyance, and guilt make you confused. You don't understand them. You don't know how to distinguish one from the other. You feel everything at once, and you act out without control. You're scared, and you don't know why.
People are mean, and you can't understand it. It makes a person angry. You become angry at the wrong people, the people trying to love you, trying to help you. You don't want to be this way, but anger is the only thing you know how to control. You embrace it because it's your only understandable and sure quality. You feel so many things you don't understand in your head and your world. You can't make sense of anything. You grow a false sense of confidence out of self-defense. "I know. I know. I know." It's spoken from your mouth before a person can say two words. It's reasonable to understand why it's so difficult to trust these people who claim to love you when you constantly feel like they are hurting you or lying to you.
People don't think kids will pick up on things because "They don't understand what we're talking about" or the classic, "They're kids they don't know what that means." But there's a saying, "Babies and dogs are the best judges of character." Kids pick up on the energy people put off. If anything, it affects them more. They are taking everything around them and using it to create themselves into a person. Whether that be trauma, moral teachings, good or bad, they absorb these experiences like a sponge. No matter what you say or think, it's what happens.
Why am I talking about this, though? Why am I talking about children and their developing years? Just as a child needs to learn to speak, they need to know and understand how to control their mental state.
When you are young, your developing years are from 12 months to 25 years. Everything that takes place during these years becomes an engraving into their minds and personalities. We all must train anything else past these years to become a habit. To make the most out of life, it's essential to truly learn and understand what perspective is at a young age. This way, you have a head start in learning how to deal with life and its challenges. Only by chance or God could I have an epiphany to perspective.
I suppose it wouldn't take a genius to realize I may be writing vaguely by not mentioning names or saying "I." "Children" in this writing refers to me. Like an angry child in school, my friends would call me "The devil's daughter." A part of me grew to love it, but a big part of me felt a burden and embarrassment to this nickname. I lived up to the name for sure. Self-destruction and anger was all I knew, and it showed. When I finally learned those magical words that taught me perspective, I renamed my nickname the devil's angel. To say despite all evils and all darkness, there's beauty. To show how you can grow into an excellent example to a bad example. I didn't have the best example of a father growing up, and I could have chosen to be just like him(the devil's daughter), yet I chose to be better (the devil's angel). This title, to me, is a great example of the impact perspective can have on a person. You can see how perspective made a difference in my mindset for learning and understanding. It's truly given me peace.
© 2022 Olivia Daigle