Missy is a unique writer who enjoys inviting her readers into her thoughts through her poetry and other topics of discussion.
Has The Butterfly Effect Played A Part In My Love Life...
While writing this poem, as I often do, I think about what subject I feel will relate to it. I’ve written many poems of love. They are poems, that for some who have read my poetry, may think all coincide together -- similar themes, with a related dialogue. I always talk about being a jilted lover. And it’s true, this is my life -- I have been and continue to be playing this part.
For unexplained reasons, my fate has been the tainted one in relationships. Nevertheless, my relentless attitude of keeping hope always sends me back to try again for the perfect mate who will accept me for exactly who I am, which is stellar to hear those fools tell it, and is just more frustrating for me to live with if that is the truth?
At 44 years old, I can’t seem to fathom what has been the obstacle that leads the man to leave. I have concluded that they just get bored. Most of my relationships have been quite long -- eight years being the longest. Then I thought, perhaps it was something uncontrollable in the universe? Maybe it’s something even the ratchet men who left me are not at all aware of. I mean, after all, they never have a solid reason for letting me go. Maybe it is some sort of butterfly effect?
I started researching the butterfly effect. I already knew it was thought to be a chaotic turn of events by some opinions. However, as I have mentioned in several of my hubs, I analyze everything -- not to the point of bothering everyone with my views daily, but writing them down like I’m doing now. Putting my thoughts out there to seek others' reactions and opinions on my theories if they so choose to do so. I look at my writing as a creative process - my own self-help therapy.
Observing the meaning of the butterfly effect, the most common definition of the term I found was, that it is a metaphoric term. However, in theory, it means something small in statures like a bird or a butterfly could flap its wings and make a great event happen in another part of the world. For example, a theory would be, if a butterfly flapped its wings at just the right atmospheric time, it could make a hurricane or tsunami happen in China. This seems absurd, impossible really to most of us, but could this be true? Is it pure physics, or is it a psychological way of thinking? I have no idea. I am no expert on anything physical or psychological. Nevertheless, I thought, if the butterfly effect exists, it could take place during not only weather conditions but the emotional outcomes of we humans. I thought maybe this effect took place during that first relationship I had. Possibly a small event erupted into a big happening and occurred at the exact moment my mate at that time was breaking up with me. Therefore, handing me my bad luck at love.
Furthermore, I thought for all the sense one would think the butterfly effect makes, it wouldn’t be inconceivable to see it in the matter of human condition as well.
After my first long relationship ended, it was almost the exact same time frame of seven years that the second one ended. I believe the second relationship was eight years, but if I’m honest, I could have over calculated. At times, I think about that part of my past, and I only seem to count seven. It would all make sense within my theory even if my count is wrong. The second relationship ended at almost the same amount of years and like my first one, it ended in an unplanned instant, just final, no discussion about it. They were done, and I was leaving.
The love I talk about in this poem and many others through this year I have written is a bit different, but could also be relatable to my butterfly effect theory. This relationship I have been struggling to make work for about a year and a half now will be going well, and later suddenly when I’m the happiest I can be and feeling secure in the relationship, this is when he decides to end it abruptly. He then blocks me from any form of communication that I could contact him with. I’m left with no answers as to why. After about a month, he makes his way back. And because of my love for him, I try again, at his request; no questions asked.
Although this relationship is different than the others, it still has similar realms to it. His abrupt departures, and as of now, I have counted he has done this a total of seven times. This seventh time feels different though, it finally feels like we are at that finish line. I mean I can’t know for sure until a month or so goes by, but if it is, it would make sense with my theory. Familiar points would be; the no-good explanation as to why it's ending, and the reappearing number of 7 playing its part in the logic of my theory.
My poem is a simple poem about this last love relationship I mention. However, I always think. And I also contemplate other possibilities of why my life has gone the way it has. I think about this in other forms like psychological thinking or even the physics of how a moment in time could have put fate in my future. It may be illogical thinking, but I like to think this way. It keeps me from becoming bored.
I posted an article I found after I wrote this hub that is so very interesting. It gave me even more reasons to believe that the butterfly effect could affect more things than just weather. Please take a look at it.
An Article I Found Right After Writing This Hub.
- Science Behind The Butterfly Effect - ABC News
Science Behind The Butterfly Effect
The day is gone.
I sit alone,
I’m trying to
regress back to
the best me
I feel attacked,
I can’t relax. My
But I’m now
alone. I'm letting
go of your choice
I can’t explain my
confused state, I’m
uneasy, and I’m
Yet, I feel no fight
left in me; I'm tired
of struggling for
Please, don’t return
this time, I’ll only
give you what you
Then inevitably you
will leave me again
sifting through the
whys of your no want.
If there’s been anything
I’ve hoped to gain
from a love special to
it would be that I
finally found the
strength I needed
to be me and live on.
© 2016 Missy Smith