Sometimes am just too broken, to the point that I don't even think I'll ever mend on my own .
It's this times I just wanna be alone, you know, just lay on the grass, look up to the heavens and sob by myself..
Most of the times I forget why am even living. Sometimes some of reasons just don't seem legit enough. Some make me even sob a little bit more for being so blind.
And then there's is you ..
No matter how hard I try to push you away, you just there, waiting for me to find my way back to you. When I ask you to leave, you close the door and walk to me, sit beside me and smile.
" You'll probably get tired of saying that to me. You are a part of me, and am never leaving. So try again. " You say.
I end up smiling even when am sad.
And I know the many times have said "am sorry " don't really cover up the fact that have been more of a pain than a friend.
And am sure am going to say it a million more times in the future.
And to be perfectly honest, I know I have issues. Issues that even I can't tolerate, issues that just chase you away, issues that make people stay at a safe distance.
It's my specialty to kinda hurt everyone around me. It's my thing to ignore those that actually want me. It's my thing to be broken, it's just my thing to be a whole lot of things that people hate. And I hate it, and can't control it even if I wanted to.
And all am saying is sorry.
... all am saying is thank you for making me a better me.
Thanks for sticking around even if it hurts.
Thanks for accepting me.
Thanks for giving me a reason to want to see tommorow.
Thank you for being more than just blood and friends.
Thanks for being real.
.... Oh, and thanks for mending me everytime I crack up.
© 2019 Amani Utembu