Life Path 7 seeker of truth and lover of research. Poet, writer, author and entrepreneur
Some need to understand this. You know what? If more of us took "responsibility" for ourselves, there would be less wars, less domestic violence and better internet conversations between people. This goes for both parties. The next time someone gets triggered and they say YOU made me FEEL dot, dot, dot. (more often than not this happens between family members) you'll sense drama setting in. Suddenly, they're acting insecure or defensive. Ok, I've presented with this, now what do I do with it?
You might tell them: "I am not responsible for your emotions. I cannot make you feel anything, you do that yourself." If they feel you're out of line, they have the privilege of walking away. If they're out of line, you can leave or hang up.
How do you expect another person to talk, feel or express the way "you" want them to? Then when they don't you blame them. What if someone expects that of you? Then blames you for not being like they want? You can no longer be who you are.
You now have two choices. You give in to them to make them feel better which will never help them grow nor understand its not your responsibility it's theirs. You don't cater to them and stand in your own power at the same time, be who you are regardless of the pressure.
It's how you take things that make you feel the way you feel, it's never the other person. Try playing with that. See the same scenario a different way, how do you feel? When we react we must take responsibility for the consequences or control ourselves beforehand.
If I reacted to all the bad comments and say, to the guy yesterday that told me, "You're not important," can you imagine I would go around feeling horrible 100% of the time.
The other person can say all they want, yet it's up to us "how" we interprete it. You can't turn around and blame them for how you feel, it was up to you to decide that in the first place.
You cannot expect others to change what they say or how they perceive a situation to suit your emotions. That is unfair. And that is life living on eggshells.
If I went back to that guy and complained that he hurt my feelings and made me feel unworthy by saying I'm not important as a person, is it his responsibility to change himself or is it mine?
It's about choosing. Will I choose to be who I am without allowing another person's stuff to enter and distort me? The other choice is allowing it to affect me and in turn I move farther away from my own essence. Then I make room for this to continue and lose more and more of myself.
Allow someone else to take responsibility while you take it yourself. We choose what we say, how we say it, and how we interprete things, we don't expect another person to steal that away or distort it into their own perception, but they do and will, if we let them. This perception was never ours. We lose ourselves that way. So, we must be self-caring, self-nurturing, and self-aware. If we all did this we would remain in control and resist reacting and hurting others and getting hurt in the process.
But we cannot do that! We cannot just leave someone to stew in their own depressive emotional juices and care for ourselves first! She's selfish on top of it, we know that's what they're thinking. Now we're horrible, selfish, non-feeling non-caring people and that's not how we started out. What that spells out to me is, a "big insecurity" within themselves. They need us to validate them so badly and we didn't do that. Again avoiding responsibility and maybe a bit of projection.
They're so convinced you've said something a certain way because that's the way they heard it and since they've read through it, now that's just the way you meant to say it. They knew what you were thinking because they can read your mind.
Now they put this on you. "You're making me feel guilty now." "You're saying I'm uncaring unfit." Your character, personality and perception may be the exact opposite of what they've just sentenced to you. Now, they're mad and you're left to figure it out.
Hmm, we think, shall I join them in feeling bad? Should I feel guilty too? Should I butter them up to make up for what I think I did? If we do that we are saying it's okay for them to behave that way. We might try to explain where we were coming from and if they cannot accept it, we move on.
In the end, it comes down to unconsciously pleasing people vs. looking at it clearly while staying within our own power. This limits energy leakage and allows or gives them the opportunity to look deeper into why they're seeing what they are then taking responsibility for how they've interpreted it. This offers the possibility of grow to both people because they may realize, wow, I felt this emotion because that is just how I was made to feel all my life growing up. All this junk is theirs not yours, and all your junk is yours not theirs.