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Staying Home And Other Losses

Mama to two beautiful children. My living son Grayson, and my daughter in heaven, Mila. I hope to share our story in a way that helps others

Our son, Grayson enjoying some inside time watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Our son, Grayson enjoying some inside time watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.


Obviously, we are all experiencing a global pandemic at the moment. Three weeks in, and I am feeling the absolute boredom creeping up. My little family is an on the go type of crowed, so for us it has been a struggle coming to terms with staying in and around our home. If you know us, then you know we are those crazy people that pack up and drive 10 hours with a toddler for an impromptu weekend trip. So this is not really our style.


Luckily, we live in an amazing neighborhood with trails to explore and a fenced in backyard to utilize. We bought bicycles and have been going on family bike rides every evening. The stroller has been a hot commodity as well, the morning walks outside with my son have definitely helped me keep my sanity during this time. That’s our prettied up angle of this unavoidable and scary time in our lives. The “I’m bored and stuck at home” version that creates the bond between us and so many other families at home right now with their kiddos.


We know we are lucky. We know that we could have it worse. That doesn’t mean postponing our (first ever) Disney trip was any less disappointing. That doesn’t mean we are shallow for worrying that our son’s 2nd birthday party might be just the three of us instead of the big Mickey Mouse party we have planned for him. Or that we aren’t worried that we live in a different state from our families and don’t know when we will see them again in person.


Our family is lucky that our source of income is deemed “essential” at the moment. We are thankful and blessed for sure. That also means that the man of our house is out and encountering many people every day. That means stripping down in the garage and going straight to the shower, praying that none of us get sick. It’s the worry and the what if’s, it’s having a small child at home who is susceptible. It’s our one year old being well versed in how to apply hand sanitizer every time he touches something.



Grayson riding on daddy’s shoulders during our walk around the neighborhood.

Grayson riding on daddy’s shoulders during our walk around the neighborhood.

My anxiety is on high alert at all hours of the day. My mind races and I worry. I am not the average mother roughing it at home with little ones. I have lost the innocence of “it couldn’t happen to us”, because I have lost a child. A sickness quickly robbed my daughter of her life, there are similarities that shake me on the daily. There was no global pandemic then, just an unexplained contraction of a rare type of bacterial meningitis.


So yes, we will sit and watch Disney+ all day and Tiger King on Netflix all night, we will get our outside time in, and we will complain that we are bored. We can all be sad about the life events being postponed and canceled due to COVID-19. We are allowed to feel the loss of our normal lives, and we should worry. What will happen in the coming months aren’t certain to any of us, though we pray that the situation improves quickly.


Staying home when you can will minimize your chances of contracting and spreading this virus. As much as you may want to believe it, you and your family are not immune to the possibility of this devastating respiratory ailment. Acting like that’s the case will only put yourself and others more at risk. I can tell you from experience that I wish I didn’t have, watching your child fight for their life is the hardest thing you will ever have to do-besides burying them. It’s so important to do you part in slowing the spread of COVID-19.

This is Mila, my daughter. This is what it looks like when a child is hooked up to a ventilator. This is what you could be unknowingly putting on a family that you come in contact with just by being out and about during this global pandemic.

This is Mila, my daughter. This is what it looks like when a child is hooked up to a ventilator. This is what you could be unknowingly putting on a family that you come in contact with just by being out and about during this global pandemic.

© 2020 Tayler A Rich