Some Belated Praise For Shoelaces
And Now, Upgraded Shoelaces
So There They Are
at the tops of my shoes, and your shoes, as a matter of fact, all of my shoes had them. Shoelaces is what I mean and why I am publishing these "little wonders" that have held-together, the very fabric of America--from sneakers to fancy leather slippers that belong to the feet of a church member or lawyer.
Shoelaces were said to have been invented by (a) Harvey Kennedy, on 27th March 1790. I found out that although Kennedy was rumored to invent shoelaces, but only gave the world to the style of knot that he designed in the laces. And fact two: I also discovered that in common circles of the world as we know it, shoelaces have been said to start with a Common Bow--made when the shoe-wearer put the two laces together and made one knot to draw them tighter and go about his business.
Then as Shoelace Fashion had it . . .someone with a lot of genius and creativity, said to his/her (as respect to our females),
"Ya' know somethin'? I believe that if I'm left alone in our basement, I can invented something called: Shoe Strings."
To which the enduring wife replied, "What? With me and your five kids, who have to eat, dress and go to school? Listen. We can barely live from one week to the other! Shoe Strings! What an idiot. Mother said years ago to stay away from fools!"
Here Are A Few Shoelaces Facts:
shoelaces today, 2019, come in so many colors, styles, and knots, that the number is almost limitless. Time was, just the common, simple-knot was the norm for shoelaces, but when they caught on, so did shoelaces, and it wasn't long before they became the best Tool of Vanity that could attract the prettiest girls when out of curiosity, asked, "Bob, what are those strings in your shoes--laces?"
Of course this event probably happened in the 1920's, maybe 30's, but the thing is, in olden days, there was NO limit to what could be made, designed for, and sold when shoelaces were the main topic. Hardly no fashion statement, including the Zoot Suit could compete with shoelaces. And since the early 1980's, shoelaces have been reborn, or retied, to add to the young person's cool status making them to become the Alpha Dog in high school and college.
Did I tell you that the inventors of shoelaces, the true inventors and their families and companies, made more boxcar-loads of money when the U.S.A. went to war, two times, once in Korea and once in Vietnam and these soldiers could not walk in the mud and jungle unless they were equipped with strong, durable, and dependable shoelaces that I know, could hold two elephants from tail-to-tail and told to charge in opposite ways. Shoelaces, especially, the Military kind, were that strong.
Then Came The Slackers
a crowd of guys in the early 1990's who stood up to society and government and boldly shouted, "enough! No more common shoelaces! We choose to wear our shoelaces this way, because we are lazy and do not want to work that much!"
And faster than an Arizona Roadrunner could from from one end of the dessert to the other, there surfaced, "Slacker Shoelaces," that were tied, not in a Common Bow, but on both ends as the two ends came up in the shoes' holes . . .and the slackers would walk purposely in packed public places just to get wild compliments about these new and rebellious shoelaces tying. So you see, it does not take big invention, book, or machine that can take over a nation. Just look at the shoelaces that are still going strong.
What scares me is when the slackers are all grown-up, do they still wear "Slacker Shoelaces," in their board rooms when they wear expensive dress shoes like Florsheim's? If so, I might deal with that, but please do not tell me that it is going to be cool, rebellious, and lazy for the Slackers in 2019 to wear flip flops when working in the office.
A Few Sensible Uses For Shoelaces:
- You leave your house leading "Tip," your registered Beagle and taking him for a good walk. Then, uh, oh! His leash breaks and you have to act fast because your town's police will run you in for not having a leash on animals, so you, the cool, collected citizen, whip-out your trusty shoelaces and when they are tied together they can make a wonderful leash. Even "Tip" is happy.
- After weeks, you finally get a date with this pretty girl at your office, but then reality hits you. What do you give her for a gift--especially when you are tapped-out? Then it hits you. You take your two shoelaces and then with a little creative shoelace tying, you come up with a neat, modern-style necklace and then the pretty girl is so excited, you have another date for her the next week.
- You go hiking alone in a mountain range near your neighborhood and you are having one great time. Then you step on a loose rock and you start plummeting down a steep, dangerous piece of mountain. First being human, you panic, then like MacGyver (starring Richard Dean Anderson, you spring into action--grabbing your shoelaces from your hiking boots and in nothing flat, you have secured a good-sized rock that prevents you from falling. Aren't you glad of those hiking boots?
- Then life takes you to the wilderness on a Survival Retreat--with no food water, tent, just a knife and a pair of Military-style boots. But days go by and your stomach growls like an angry bear someone has awakened him--so with your calm creative tanner, you get out those two thick, enduring shoelaces from your boots, rig a nice snare with some clever camouflage made from a few small tree limbs and in about two hours, you are dining in style with a wild turkey followed by a rattlesnake. Yum! Yum! You then are nick-named a “Shoelace Survivor.”
- And lastly . . .you are out on a date with your hot girlfriend, the same one whom you gave a necklace made from your shoelaces, and frankly, she is still in awe of your creativity. But on this night, you and her are walking toward your favorite restaurant and before you can enter, a huge, muscular thug (standing six-foot, four-inches), approaches you and your hot girlfriend and he has lust in his eyes for her. She cries out of fear and jumps behind you for safety. The thug laughs and starts toward you, but you are ahead of him mentally, and remove both shoelaces and tie them together and first, use them as a sharp bullwhip (as in “Indiana Jones”) and when the thug is subdued, you take the shoelaces and tie him up until the police arrive and whisk him away. The restaurant owners are so thankful that you and your hot girlfriend’s meals are ON THE HOUSE.
life-savers, necklace-makers,survival tools, and the most-important pieces of wardrobe that you can own besides your underwear: your old friends, the shoelaces. Now, aren't you glad that you saw shoelaces in this proper light?
June 12, 2019____________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery