How to Achieve a Permanent Peace of Mind

Updated on March 16, 2018
ValKaras profile image

Val is a life-long student of the psycho-philosophy of living and a devoted practitioner of many techniques that enhance personal evolution.

With a Trained Ear We Could Hear That Emotional Beast in Us Purring
With a Trained Ear We Could Hear That Emotional Beast in Us Purring

All Emotions Are O.K.

Peace of mind is not an abstract concept like honesty, justice, freedom, or god, which are all very much a subject to interpretation---but a concrete human experience. As such, it is not something that we should try to be smart about, but do something, mostly mentally---although your god himself knows how much it might help if you smiled a little more often.

Unlike the popular belief, and much of that self-help literature is guilty of it---peace of mind is not attained by a method of elimination. Namely, it doesn't just "happen to us" when we eliminate all those things that make us pissed off one way or another.

Just like health is much more than an absence of sickness; and happiness is much more than kids finally going back to school, mortgage being paid off, or mother-in-law taking a long trip to Europe.

Even a holiday to a beautiful resort is not a guaranty to having some peaceful, undisturbed time, because that waitress might ignore us for little longer than our patience may tolerate. Let's face it, we simply can't count on circumstances to be favorable and to secure a smooth ride on our path.

Now that we got the picture, let's get to the meat of it by stating the alpha and omega of a lasting peace of mind.

Just for a moment, if you can, reserve all judgement and try to allow as possible that all emotions are O.K. If this statement let your interest survive, stay with me to find out more.

We are even going to do a little mental exercise, with a possible labor pain of your mind giving birth to this entirely new realization about all emotions being just a little more than a physical sensation which, when focused on, evaporates.

It Should Be Easier to Jack Up Our Mood Than to Jack Up Our Car
It Should Be Easier to Jack Up Our Mood Than to Jack Up Our Car

Programmed how to Feel

But, let's first be clear about another important point in all this. Whether we realize it or not, we are never worried about appearances and events themselves, but about our possible reactions to them.

Our cultural programing has taught us when is the appropriate time to laugh, to cry, to be insulted, even what should make us fall sick. There are certain primitive societies where a person will instantly die if their witch-doctor points a bone at them.

Such is the power of social brainwashing, and please, don't deceive yourselves that it only works in primitive societies. It's only that in our times the methods are more complex and matching our level of advancement.

Negative events don't stand by themselves as irritants. For example, in some societies people's religious beliefs make them rejoice when their dear ones die, because they are, allegedly, "going to a better place". Now, whether it's a fact or not, it remains for all of us mortals to be seen, but to them it's a part of their holy belief, allowing their nervous system to experience joy.

We, Christians grieve, experiencing it as a painful loss, tormenting ourselves selfishly for not having the pleasure of that person hanging around our life anymore. Now, needless to say, while that person was alive, in so many ways we never expressed that much of a care.

Those eulogies are sometimes a piece of hypocritical crap, and our grieving is mostly a converted fear over our own precious asses having to end up like that one day----truth be told.

Thus, thanks to our upbringing and its manifesto of the appropriate emotional reactions we are basically scared of ourselves---that's right, scared of ourselves and of our imminent reactions where "we have no say whatsoever". Like, what fool would feel indifferent about having a flat tire while rushing to an important meeting?

And yet, when viewed from a little different angle, the whole event is merely suggesting something to be done, the rest of it is a pathetic emotional excess. For, all that the situation is really calling for is fixing that tire and giving a call to the person we are supposed to meet, with a simple explanation what has happened.

None of that swearing and cursing our bad luck will make that tire fixed, and we all know that. What may be less obvious is this need to get acquainted with the true nature of those crappy emotions.

So, let us do a little exercise right here and now to sink into the very texture of our lousy emoting. At its face value it may look like counterproductive because we would instinctually rather feel less of it than more of it.

But, strange thing about emotions is that the closer we look at them the more they are fading away---as long as we are just watching, not wallowing. And that mental action should be enough to make a big dent in our habitual knee-jerk reactiveness.

Has it ever crossed your mind that we might be exaggerating about those "bad" emotions, giving them too much room in the hierarchy of our mental forces? Would you be willing to believe that we have conditioned ourselves to take them way too seriously---just because we never took a deep enough peek into their real nature?

"I Wish I Was a Human to Understand What the Hell I Am Feeling"
"I Wish I Was a Human to Understand What the Hell I Am Feeling"

A Truth Telling Exercise

The following exercise is necessary for establishing a gut-realization, not merely an intellectual one, how emotions lose their power when we stop running away from them.

For, it's a little less known fact that it's not the emotions that are hurting us--- but our resistance to them. Emotions are merely a surge of energy giving us a sense of readiness to deal with a situation, but it's ourselves who give that energetic surge an interpretation, while passing it through a mold of our belief system and giving it suchness.

Again, from our culturally tailored life programs we know that certain situations automatically call for certain emotional responses. So now we are going to perform an act of non-resisting, but instead squarely facing that energy attached to an emotion.


Think of something unpleasant that happened to you in the past. Feel that emotion echoing that unpleasant memory. Then, doing your very best glue your attention to the "feel of it", by trying to locate its physical presence.

Is it something in your solar plexus? In your chest? In your throat, or deep in your head? Keep observing it like a scientist would examine its texture under a microscope. Nonjudgmentally, just see it as a bodily sensation, and try to give it some quality. Is it a kind of burning? Is it more like a pressure, a heaviness, something behind your eyes ready to squeeze out some tears, or something moving inside your stomach pit---like butterflies?

Stay with that suchness for a while, a kind of detaching yourself from it, as a cool observer curious about its energy fabric. The more often you perform this exercise, the sooner you will get that gut-realization that all emotions are nothing to be scared of, because now you are perfectly able to face them for what they are.

You don't have to label them and slave to that label---like "disappointed, insulted, sad, angry, guilty"...whatever. In your memory let it stay as a "felt sense" which has no name on it, something easy for you to face and stay with it for as long as you want. You don't have to fight it anymore calling it "bad". It's just another something in your human repertoire of experiencing.

It will then turn your whole inner reactiveness around, desensitizing you from any possible punches that life may throw your way. Which is just another word for attaining a peace of mind.

For, once that we stop unconsciously running away from our emotions, it has the same effect as curing ourselves from a phobia---by facing the thing that produces irrational fear in us.

Life Is Nothing but a Long Sequence of States of Mind---Why Not Make It Joyful, because We Can.
Life Is Nothing but a Long Sequence of States of Mind---Why Not Make It Joyful, because We Can.

This Time with a Conscious Intent

With a bit of a useful practical wisdom we might as well start viewing all life as merely a state of mind. By themselves they are only appearances to which we are giving some qualities.

All the people, known and unknown to us are nothing but our own mind's constructs. And all our perceptions, memories, beliefs, attitudes, every single feature of our wakeful state are easily changeable---once when we know that we can.

And yes, we can. I known we have been told otherwise---by those who had been told otherwise so they couldn't know any better.

We have been changing, refining, altering our nature for the most of our life, not paying much attention to that process actually happening. We took it for granted that we think about some things differently today than we did when we were teenagers.

Unfortunately, the process didn't impress us enough as our conscious act of advancing ourselves, but we took it for something "automatic", mostly stirred up by new, more complex demands of life---something from the "outside".

Well, it's time for us to see that ability to change as something conscious, as being at our disposal all the time. We can junk our unusable pet theories, ideologies, even religions at the drop of a hat. Peace of mind is not just another ideal unreachable by standards of a culture that's gravitating around suffering, strife, hardships, disappointments, and a cruel realism.

So, we might as well start experiencing the whole reality as our inside job happening within our personal space. Think of that space for a moment, will you. It's a space that's in this all vast universe reserved only for you, no one else can occupy it. A space where we can be some creative mini-gods implementing our own rule of psycho-physical functioning---not merely some programmed puppets in a soap opera that we call our life.

Indeed, with an exception of being physically violated, that space is our own shrine of our volition which no one can touch if we don't allow it, and in ways that we don't allow it.

With this understanding we can make our peace of mind become a proverbial "piece of cake", leaving outside of our personal space all garbage that doesn't belong in there.

What does this realization give us?

Well, some would even call it a beginning of a spiritual enlightenment---but let's settle for a lasting peace of mind, shall we.


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    • RobinReenters profile image

      Robin Carretti 3 weeks ago from Hightstown

      Yes I agree I think if the world smiled more everything would be ever bonding with one another and so much more

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 weeks ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Hello there, Val....Good to see you again. I have been busy, catching up on missed real life activities and it feels good to be back in the real world. I was beginning to feel far too technologically "wired!" LOL.

      Wow, amigo! I'm in awe of your energy and concentration power. You put quite a lot of effort into bringing this wisdom to your readers. Thank you. I always appreciate your wisdom.

      I try not to think about all the years I spent, chasing the ever-elusive peace of mind, seeming to find it only when I fell into sleep from exhaustion! As I recall, as with most anything I want to change in my life, I had to reach a level of serious anger, in order to push myself into action. Unfortunately, I was one of those women who succumbed to habit, conditioning & repetition, all too easily.

      Needless to say, it was a long-haul struggle. Did I make it? Well, my friend, the verdict isn't in. I'm still waiting in the wings to feel the victory. Or, wait just a minute. Perhaps I'm so confused, I don't even recognize peace of mind? Looks like I have a way to go, Val. One thing is for sure, I will not give up! Enjoy your weekend. Paula

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 3 weeks ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Thanks for sharing the interesting ideas about dealing with emotions, Val. They certainly sound useful. Attaining peace of mind is a wonderful goal.

    • ValKaras profile image

      Vladimir Karas 3 weeks ago from Canada

      MizBejabbers---Actually, I was not speaking only to the young generation, because there is enormous mass of baby- boomers and between who may get inspired by practically anything from a bartender's wise advice to a self-help bestseller.

      Wisdom of peace of mind is not a guaranteed given to people of our age, and we don't "deserve" it, we have to cultivate it.

      Anybody writing this stuff can only hope that a person or two of ANY age will gain a sudden insight. It's impossible to generalize with age groups, as there are some teenagers much smarter than their grandparents. And there are older folks who are quite demanding, obnoxious, ungrateful, which you seem to ascribe only to the young generation.

      I have personally seen among younger people quite a few wise individuals who could teach a lesson or two about life to their parents and grandparents. Well, I was one, but they "knew too much as to enlist to my school", and I left them at it.

      So, let's leave it at the fact that a writer's words never fill a need, entertaining or educational of all people. Some will dismiss it after first couple of lines as a sheer crap, and some others may find it useful and thought-provoking.

      I believe that some other comments will prove me right. ---Thanks for reading and commenting, my friend, I always enjoy your smart comments.

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      Doris James-MizBejabbers 3 weeks ago

      Val, I prefer to just put my mind aside and live in my consciousness, like looking through a window observing life. I don't even try to be a part of it anymore, and I don't miss participating in all the little games people play. At my age, I think I've earned the peace of mind that not giving a damn anymore gives me.

      The younger generations have been so conditioned and spoiled by their parents to have everything they demand and have it right now, that I hope you are speaking to them. When you lay back and let life flow, you'll find that it comes to you. You don't have to constantly demand, demand, demand. But there isn't a book in the world that will teach a person that. It has to be experienced. Namaste, my friend.

    • ValKaras profile image

      Vladimir Karas 3 weeks ago from Canada

      McKenna---I am glad you found the article interesting. At this point allow me to suggest that you check on google and you tube everything about gluten sensitivity, because it could be a part, or even the main, but overlooked cause of your depression.

      Don't expect from doctors, even psychiatrists to know about this, because it was not a part of their university curriculum. They are only into drugs and surgery, removing the symptoms, not very good diagnosticians when problems are stemming from dietary causes.

      I can't tell you what to do or not to do, you understand that, but getting informed won't hurt.

      It's great to hear how you are dealing with it, my friend, you have a fine mind and a spirit which will bring you the final victory over your depression.

    • letstalkabouteduc profile image

      McKenna Meyers 3 weeks ago from Bend, OR

      Vladimir, thanks for this. It's so true we're obsessed as a culture to deny and suppress our emotions. I was put on anti-depressants and stayed on them for 7 years. During that time, my doctor never recommended that I go to therapy and discuss my depression, anger, and pain. She never suggested I find healthy ways to deal with my emotions such as journaling, exercising, and meditating. Then, when I finally weaned myself off the anti-depressants, I was back at stage 1 starting all over again. Now I know how valuable it is to feel everything. I no longer need anyone outside myself to validate my feelings as I once did--to sympathize with them or put their stamp of approval on them. They're mine to embrace and to deal with in constructive ways. I've finally made peace with them instead of fighting them.

    • ValKaras profile image

      Vladimir Karas 3 weeks ago from Canada

      Nikki---Thank you for reading, I am happy you liked the article.

    • nikkikhan10 profile image

      Nikki Khan 3 weeks ago from London

      Amazing article on attaining peace of mind with exercise or therapy.

      Peace of mind is very important in order to have a peaceful and successful life.

      Great hub.

      Many Blessings.