Skip to main content

Paranoid Obsession with Guns: A Satire

Val is a life-long student of unexplored human potential and many challenges that self-honesty throws at us on that path.


For Confronting Any Oppression? Really?

According to some believable sources, nearly half of all civilian guns in the entire world are in the United States of America; which offers an inspiration to give a closer look at it as a world phenomenon -- if not also something quite odd in the mentality of the American folks.

As a matter of fact, out of 195 countries on this planet, only in three of them is permit for civilian firearms granted by constitution: the US, Mexico, and Guatemala.

Now, something instantly comes to mind as an argument against the popular explanation for that massive civilian armament -- like somehow "protecting them from a hypothetical foreign or domestic oppression".


For, we are not hearing from global news anything about all those gun-less westernized societies suffering from any form of oppression. Albeit, truth be told, "oppression" may be quite a tricky word, since it's not a secret in most of the so called "free world" that democracy is merely a tranquilizing front behind which those richest and their political puppets are doing whatever they please.

Thus, we could talk about different forms of oppression -- of course, if we had not already bought the whole illusory package of "freedom."

A question: How do American folks figure that their hand guns and AK-47's would be a match to one of the mightiest militaries in the world -- if it ever came to that need to defend themselves from that hypothetical oppressive, if not also fascist rule?

Let's see what would be the strategy.

The scenario coming to mind is a sort of pathetically hilarious, with some overweight dads and grandpas with their pistols confronting Pentagon, FBI, CIA, and National Guard -- after they have, hypothetically, fallen in hands of domestic oppressors.

Again, we are talking here about a highly impossible hypothetical scenario -- and yet, they are making it sound like a very realistic possibility. Anyway, realistic just enough to buy a few guns.

But O.K., that would be only a part of that boogieman story, while there is more to it, as we are about to see.


Sparta the Greatest

What next comes to my fun loving mind, is that all adage -- albeit not necessarily universally correct: "Like father, like son". Playing with that metaphor for a moment, why not see "father" as the government, and "son" as us-the-people.

Well, whether it has become obvious by now, or not, but for quite a number of years, if not decades already, thanks to its foreign policies strictly tied to the national interests, America has become a modern day Sparta -- a warring country.

Sorry folks, here I don't mean you-the-people, but the Big Daddy the government. You never had a say in those decisions anyway, and no massive demonstrations ever helped to remind the government that they are supposed to be serving you -- not the other way around.

I have already said it elsewhere -- nations never hate each other to the point of starting a war, it's their governments which instigate that hate, and if you follow the money, you'll know in whose interests it always is.

During the hottest times of the infamous Cold War, no Russian farmer had any ambition to occupy an American farm, and the same was true in reverse. But it took some smart manipulative asses to invent a "Commie Russia", and an "Imperialist America".

To these days "enemies" are being made up. After the fall of the Soviet Union, they had to be replaced by terrorism, which came as a handy excuse for military adventurism that was merely meant to establish more influence in that part of the world. Only a naive person believed in America ever being threatened from outside.

Those are the same paranoid and alarmist prophets who, from one year to the next predict a World War 3.

But this constant paranoia created by made-up enemies, along with those over 75 military bases scattered around the world, as if a "necessary defense from them" -- has forged into American mentality this "need to be ready".

China has become a bad word by the same token -- not because China ever had an ambition to try kicking American ass, but because it became a threatening competitor on the global market.

And people keep buying everything they are being told -- imitating Big Daddy's official paranoia about "world ganging up against America" -- so they have made their guns a "normal household item", like spoons and forks.

The legacy of Edward Bernays, the infamous father of mass-manipulation applied in business and political propaganda, had to find this new application.

Just like the ancient Spartans, who kept their arms at home in a constant readiness for a mobilizing call from their king who invented all kind of "enemies of mighty Sparta". A paranoia strong enough to overshadow the fact of the king's ambitions to spread his influence and fill his royal sacks with gold.

Could we make a little conversion here -- by seeing a black, sticky liquid, instead of the shiny yellow crap?

O.K., you don't have to thank me for this mini-lecture in ancient history, which so brings to mind it's political equivalents in this modern times, while reminding of that old adage which I have used quite often:

"History only teaches us one thing -- that it never taught us anything."


Just Another Emotional Crutch to Lean On?

Whatever we are buying into our household has three possible purposes:

1) To be functional

2) To be decorative

3) To make someone jealous and pissed

Now, for the life in me, I can't see in which category we could squeeze buying a gun. Maybe a new category of "just in case" should be added to those three above. A plunger is O.K., for "just in case" that toilet can't accommodate a big family that's full of it. Or a flashlight, for "just in case" of an electrical storm hitting a nearby transformer.

But, "in case of what" do you buy a gun?

Who are we kidding anyway? For, most of those who would potentially be after our scared shitless asses are, almost as a rule, more experienced and proficient at attacking, than most of us are experienced and proficient at defending.

Note that I said "most of us" -- while I know that many others are hardly waiting to get an excuse to use their toy on some s.o.b. invading their space. Albeit, let's be realistic about it -- we don't really hear of one hell of a lot cases where a gun was at hand and ready in defending against a prowler, a mugger, a rapist, or a crazy dog.

Then, statistics are showing how even a skinny kid can rob you with a knife if desperate for his drug money. And that gun on top of the closet, unloaded for kids' protection, is bound to help you like your wife's beach hat that's hiding it from the kids' eyes.

I am well aware how ingrained guns are into American culture, so I am not going too ambitious with the following suggestion -- but maybe we should start seeing those guns as nothing more than another form of socially accepted emotional crutches, next to smoking, alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex, overeating...

All with a purpose of lessening the sense of insecurity in this dog-eat-dog world of ours.

Indeed, stresses of life may be overwhelming. Some experiments with rats placed in an overcrowded environment showed clear symptoms ranging from discomfort to arrogance. Thus, every little emotional crutch helps when we have to face our boss, crazy freeway traffic, or mother-in-law coming for dinner -- uninvited.

Then on top of this demanding life that's throwing us in the den with lions, we get inspired by our government to go for that heightened sense of "power" -- so we buy those guns, assault rifles, some even buying tanks from the military surplus market, forming a militia -- well, you know why -- "for just in case."


Well, to Each Their Own

Certain kinds of articles need something that would sound as a disclaimer; and to some eyes, this could be one of them.

So, for my finishing words, let me assure you that I have absolutely nothing against the American folks. Actually, I find them quite interesting, industrious, inventive, and daring -- on top of most of them being nice people. It's simply that I do get somewhat puzzled by this obvious obsession with guns in American mentality.

Since I am not a normative dude, I don't really give a rat's ass about what people choose for themselves, while no one needs either my approval or blessing for what they do. Just like I don't need theirs.

Although, being of a curious nature, I wish I knew what those gun owners see about having a firearm that people in those 192 other societies don't see.

Really, what makes America such a uniquely "dangerous place to live" -- while Americans will readily call it the bast place on earth?

Well, one way or another, it makes it appropriate to end this post with the old maxim:

"To each their own"

© 2021 Val Karas

Related Articles