I hope that these are the most boring days of my life. I hope this will be the most uneventful, unhappy, uninspired time of my life. After months of drudging around, staring at a blank screen and hundreds of unanswered applications, I hope I can find a reason to get out of bed soon. A reason that will make me jump into bed excitedly, just like I did when I was younger on the night before an excursion. A reason that makes me get up before my alarm clock, just like I did when I have three hours left before going to the airport. A reason to be grateful for each day. The small things are good, but let's be honest, it is the big ones that stick with you. The big things become a story to tell your friends over dinner. A cautionary tale to tell your children. A sweet reminiscing on the beach when giggling to your partner about the one more thing you forgot to tell them.
I hope that after this lull, it will crescendo into a grand, melodious symphony playing in the background in everything I do. I hope that the grey turns into pink; the crawl turns into a run, and the heavy air turns to a gentle summer breeze, bringing me comfort for the rest of my life. I hope to live a life completely opposite to the now. I hope to become a doppelgänger of myself, blossoming into the type of person who I look up to in the present.
I hope to be finally living the life I always dreamed of. To do everything I want and do it exactly how I wanted to. I want to fill photo albums. I want to have a 10-hour long montage of me having fun and living life. I want to never run out of things to write because I have lived through so many stories. I hope these will be the coldest days of my life, and everything after is a warm gentle hug in the golden rays.
I hope one day I get to look at myself at this moment and think to myself,
"She doesn't know how good it is about to get."
© 2022 Alison Lian