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One Day or Day One - It's Your Decision

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Mindset Creator & Listener. It's about inspiration & motivation to follow your own journey. Discover your potential & perceive possibilities

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You always had the power, my dear.

You just had to learn it for yourself.

(Glinda — The Wizard of Oz).

It was as if the ground opened up beneath my feet. It felt like I was in an elevator that was relentless going down. Only I wasn’t in an elevator.
I was standing at the gas station, the nozzle in one hand, now propping myself up against the car with the other. I felt dizzy, the feeling that the ground was opening up beneath me became stronger and stronger, my ears began to rush, and from one moment to the next one, I knew that it couldn’t go on like this. I was not happy — so I had to change something.

From the outside, it was an everyday situation: After work, you’re looking forward to going home (ok, some more and some less), and you drive by the gas station. Neat in a business outfit, a black sheath dress, black high heels, discreet makeup, and the hair put up well. A day like any other. Or not.

For me, it was the day I decided to turn my life around 180 degrees. Maybe also by 270 degrees, but I leave this decision to you.

The next day, after my dizzy elevator scenario of yesterday, I went to my family doctor, who has known me for a long time. Somehow I had to be sure that my health was ok. After I told him what happened and that I was worried that there might be something wrong with my sense of balance or something similar, he just smiled and replied firmly: There’s nothing wrong with your head, I’ll bet, but either you have a migraine, or it’s the beginning of burnout.

Zack-that hit home, and it felt like a slap in my face.
Me and burnout? Even for women who suffer from frequent migraines, I didn’t have much for it: Why suffer, when you can do something about it?
Big words, nice words, but in the end I had to understand the message through suffering. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. But that doesn‘t mean that everyone has to have the same feelings or experiences- that was just my way to figure out who I am. And yes, there were times I suffered a lot, but was it the big bad world that made me suffer, or was it just me?
A question, I had to find an answer for.
Accompanied by the first question popped up in my mind: Who am I?
Who am I without all these questions about my job, my partner, my family, my house, my car, my vacation trips, etc.
Status symbols on and on, yes, I perceive it, but all of that was not me. The same thoughts that I had about burnout before: That was just not me. I couldn’t reconcile that with myself at all!
Don’t forget that we just traveled back to the year 2013 and the term ‘burnout’ was for me some newfangled shit, because people do not live their life, but merely exist.

»I remember that very clearly,« says the heart to the mind, »remember when she finally understood that she had to change something about her life?«

»Yes, of course, I remember it perfectly, heart -  that’s when all this shit started!« answered the mind.

»Oh, come on Mind, it was important that she finally realized that neither the job, nor the man, nor the place of residence would get her anywhere. It was time to let go and throw herself into the life that suited her,« replied the heart.

»Well, we both see what she gets out of it now,« the Mind returned with a laugh. »I’ve been content to analyze stocks and mutual funds, live in the same apartment for years, and occasionally I have to deal with a guy in her life. That’s all.«

»My dear Mind, this is not about you, it is solely about her, it is her life! And it’s time for you to understand that she’s not living her full potential. So stop hitting the brakes, let her bloom!«

»My dear heart, she has to move her foot from the brakes to the gas pedal- she has to decide with me, I cannot do that alone!«

»Well, I’m very happy about that Mind, let me softly whisper to her so that she can understand.«

That was the moment when the Mind couldn’t stop laughing anymore: »Whispering? Do you want to whisper in her ear? I laugh my ass off — we should get the cowgirl boots back on her and kick her in her butt

»Sometimes, the biggest enemy sits between the ears«, the heart replied after a deep breath and decided to go back into heartbeat mode only.

A lesson I understood much later.

But let’s start this journey from the beginning: We are back in time, back in 2016, since I needed another three years to have the courage to turn my life around 180 degrees (or more, you decide).

Three years to deal with me, myself, and I: My traits, strengths, and weaknesses. My character, my date of birth and all other imaginable stuff. All of that inner personal development to clarify this one question that had been smoldering subliminally for years under my nails and burned more and more: What is the life that makes me happy?


© 2022 Nayara

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