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My Life Wouldn't Be the Same, If I'd Had an Abortion

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With abortion back on everyone’s minds, for many it never left, I have seen a lot of posts about how life wouldn’t be the same for a celebrity, if they hadn’t had an abortion. While I will not say what I agree or disagree with, I wonder why there is nothing from the other side, those of us that were in non-ideal situations, impossible even, and chose a different path. To add another perspective, what happens to those of us that chose to not have an abortion?

My younger self was wild, and I made a lot of mistakes. I eventually got pregnant, living a life that was far from anything that would be consider conducive to having a child. I didn’t have a lot of family and at the ripe old age of fifteen, there was no way that I was ready to raise a son. To say that I was scared would be an understatement and decisions had to be made. I put it off for a while, months, but a child in your stomach growing is like a ticking time bomb in that situation. The decision felt so big, so I wanted to push it off, but I had to make it. At seven months along, I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to be a mother to my son. There was no way, so I decided on adoption. It was an open adoption; I met the parents and knew that they were the ones. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I gave my son life and then gave him away.

In the twenty-two years since I made that decision, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve regretted the need for the adoption. I wish I had been stronger, got it together sooner, and as I watch my children grow, I will always wonder what he’s like. I hope to meet him one day, but I know that I may never meet him, except for that one day in the hospital. I brought a beautiful blue-eyed boy into this world. He’s alive, he’s out there and I hope that he has a good life.

Since taking a few months and giving birth at 15, I have since had two more children, when I was much older and settled. I have a family and a career that I love. While I have not reached stardom as a novelist, I enjoy my life and I know that I wouldn’t be the same person if I had made another choice. I would never have been able to forgive myself. I would have found it impossible to not look at every child I saw and wonder, remember, acknowledge. I still wonder now, couldn’t be around kids for year after giving my son up, but the choice of ending his life, I wouldn’t have recovered from. I wonder if anyone ever really does. I wonder if the ferocity of which we fight for abortion rights, is only matched by guilt that never goes away.

I will not get into what’s right and what’s wrong, but abortion and adoption are hard decisions to make. We all want children to come when we are ready and when everything is perfect, but that’s not how life works. I only write this for the young teen, maybe my daughter one day, that thinks a child is going to ruin their life, it doesn’t have to. There are other decisions that can be made, where you can walk away with a smaller hole in your heart. Adoption still hurts, still leaves a dent that never heals, but it’s smaller, it has to be. Yes, I got a few stretch marks, yes it was hard, but my son has life, wherever he is. We both got to carry on and though I desperately wish that it had been together, that I’d been ready, that my family would have been more supportive, I made the decision for life, and I will never regret not having an abortion. I have many regrets in this world, as many as most, but choosing life will never be one of them.

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

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