My Baby Girls Growing Up
I’ve Raised So Many Daughters
I’ve taken in and raised so many girls. They call me Mom, Momma, Aunty, Nana, and some Grandma. I remember the first baby girl. My Cara she was so tiny. I remember holding her small hands. Looking into her eyes, my heart filled with happiness.
She’s so perfect and sweet. I love this little bundle of joy, I thought to myself. A baby is so much joy who could ever thought something this small could bring so much joy and happiness into your life.
At that time I was married to my actually middle school sweetheart. We were very young and we were not able to have a child well righteously take care of a child. At least that’s what we thought. And then we got this little cute bundle of joy that came into our lives. She was everything to me. She made my day her smiles, her coo,her laugh was the world to me.
She was the first girl that I called my daughter. My ex husband and I tried very hard to have a child but he and I were not able to reproduce together. We tried fertility treatments, meds, home remedies everything. But he and I could never create life.
Is it matter that we didn’t create her but we loved her with everything in us we raised her until she was about six years old. And then she was taken away. That was the worst feeling in my life. I can’t even explain how much pain and hurt I went through. It was the worst feeling like someone pulling my beating heart out of my body. I didn’t think I could ever open my heart up to live another child.
and at that point I had given up on having a child because like I said my deceased husband and I tried, tried, and tried everything. But there was no breaks for us. Eventually thanks between us went downhill. He was in the military and he was traveling all over. And one day I discovered he was having two affairs. And we end up breaking up.
During the break up I start dating someone and surprisingly. I found out I was pregnant. I can never forget that day. I went to the doctor because I wasn’t feeling very well I haven’t been feeling very well for a while. And I discovered I was pregnant. That was so strange because I have tried for so long and I could never have a child with my ex husband at that time. And eventually later on he would become a father and have a child. Together at that time he and I had so much love to gift to a child that we would create together if we could have created a child together. But maybe some people are not compatible or not designed to create life together. That is the only conclusion I could come up with because he and I were happy, and I knew he and I had so much love to give to a life. At that point I wanted a daughter more than anything . Because the baby girl that I had I’ve been taking away from me.
Of course I did not have a daughter, nor did he we both had sons. But we love our boys with everything in us. After I realize I was able to create life I created life two more times. And they were sons! I had three miscarriages in the process. Two I felt were girls one I felt was a boy but that’s just what my heart felt.
my boys did not go without any love just because I wanted a daughter my boys were my kings they were my crazy crazy crazy love. They made me the mom that I am today. And sometimes people say that you get children at certain times in your life or certain genders at certain times in your life. And those are the times you need them.
I went on to become a foster parent and care for a little girls taking them. Because I didn’t think I could have a daughter once I had my three boys I felt that that was it that was the end. I had my last son when I was 33 years old. I then got two little girls a six week old baby and a two year old little girl. And at that point when I was fostering those little girls I was actually pregnant with my own baby girl. I could not believe it. I saw it I knew it I felt it but at 40 going into 41. I wasn’t sure that I could or physically able to.
of course my female specialist said that my childbearing days were pretty much to an end. But that goes to show you nobody knows everything. Finally die got my daughter my first baby girl. And it took a long time for me to stop saying shes Aunt Treace Baby girl.
So it took me a very long time. Sometimes I catch myself now and she’s five. I continue to foster and care for other children because she wants a sister. And at 46 I know I could still have a child, but I don’t know if that is wise. I had my daughter at the right time. Because I had my boys at times in my life I didn’t feel love.,by the opposite sex or I didn’t feel a man could love me,sometimes I just didn’t feel worthy. Because I had gone through so much in my relationships in the past but my boys always made life better and regardless if I had someone or not. I had them and they gave me pure true unconditional love. My gifts of sons made me a better Mom for the daughter I had too come. When I got my daughter I was strong. Strong enough to walk away. Strong enough to know that I can love me. So I can raise her the right way she doesn’t have to be weak or allow anyone to walk over her. And the gift of my daughter has been my newfound strength. Just remember all things are possible, when you think its no, yes is waiting for you.