I was born in the south. I live in the south and will die in the south. This is only a small part of the memories I share.
There's Nothing As Pretty As A Pretty Girl Eating A Cheeseburger.
Let's Get Something Straight
when it comes to a simple question: How many of you know how to eat CORRECTLY? This question can apply to steak, scrambled eggs, bacon, and chocolate chip cookies. I wonder right now if this somewhat bizarre question has really soaked into your thought processes? But believe me as this idea develops, you WILL believe what I am talking about. Just relax, turn off your TV, and continue read, but I give you this warning: you WILL be hungry, no, famished, at the end of this hub.
The majority of Americans eat food of all types, shapes, and flavors. From fish to bacon. And from biscuits to sliced bread. Food was made to be eaten. Not just by humans, but our friends, the animals who we love. But I do NOT suggest that you rush right out and try your hand at feeding bears in the zoo or in the forests in America. I am only sharing this because I love you all.
Now Let's Talk About Eating
rib eye steak. Simple, right? Wrong. Very wrong. I am not pushing to make you feel stupid, but I did, the first time that I tried my Correct Way Of Eating Cheeseburgers. Honestly, the first bites I tried to get the burger into my mouth, I failed. Then the people around me laughed their heads off, and that is fine even though I am not a stand-up or sit-down comedian.
To me, simplicity rules the day. I think this way because we Americans have allowed our lives and those things about our lives to become too complex. I suppose that (some) people use their complex lives as a badge of honor as a way to make the less-intelligent (like me) to look all the more stupid. Don't worry. I have had this act done to me a lot over the years and with all of this degradation, I have become use to the pain. Let's move along.
Did I laugh or cry when those with super I.Q.'s made me to feel small and unable to think about the most simple problem? Well, I can tell you that I did not laugh. But did I cry? All that I can tell you is I cried some, but not enough for those with great wisdom to feel even more powerful in their eyes.
Life goes on.
Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Gobble
your cheeseburger. In fact, any burger. The consequences can be tough to handle.
“Wolfing-Down” – your choice of burgers can lead people to think that you are a Food Guzzler. Even worse, a Glutton. And who really wants to be called either one? But toward the bottom when I reveal the Correct way to eat burgers, you will thank me.
“Nibbling Like A Puny Cat” – is worse than the above gluttonous style of eating cheeseburgers or any hamburger. By eating like this, you give off the vibe that you are too picky to eat like a normal person and I can tell you that if you eat like a puny cat, people will whisper behind your back.
“Fast Food Eating Equals Messes” – that you cannot clean with one small napkin. When you devour, not EAT, your burger, either at home or in a restaurant, the lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise will start to fly and some incidences, landing on the diners at the next table. Do not be offended if the restaurant manager tells, not asks, you to leave NOW!
Eat Your Burger In A Civil Manner Because
“Respect For Others” – is the name of the game when eating a cheeseburger in public or private. Other people tend to judge you HOW you eat your food. So make every bite a calculated move and you will receive smiles and a few compliments.
“Your Digestion Counts” – for a lot of your weight. Did you know this? Gulping down food can only lead to a fat frame, so I suggest that you chew each bite 12 to 15 times before swallowing. You will feel better and not gain any weight.
“Respect For Yourself” – is one thing that you need to consider because you are being watched by your family or people in the restaurant that you frequent. So take your time when your cheeseburger arrives. Make sure that you have loads of time when eating.
Now, I Am Proud To Present
the Correct Way To Eat Cheeseburgers and I know that you are as happy as I am because of this novel way of eating those delicious burgers.
DO NOT – above all, look at your burger and know that it is too big for your mouth, so you may take time to think it over before dining. Believe me. You will feel better soon.
DO NOT – no matter how famished you may be, jump on the cheeseburger because it is nothing more than a hidden bomb waiting to explode. The first bite that you take is like taking the weakest brick in a wall and the burger will fall apart on your plate causing an uproar and laughter in your restaurant.
DO BE SLOW – as you do the following:
* take the top of the cheeseburger bun, and ever so slowly, lay it safely on your plate.
*now take the condiments—pickles, onions, peppers, on your plate near the bun.
*now take the beef patty and lay it apart from the top of the bun and condiments. The wipe the sweat from your brow, because doing this is very stressful.
*take your knife and fork and slowly cut each bite of the burger in this order: bottom of the bun; the beef patty; a pickle and now the top of the bum, and put these things into your mouth and it will be safer and easier with NO embarrassing burger accidents.
*continue these things until the burger is gone and of course, wipe your mouth after each bite.
Remember: your style of eating your burger may look unorthodox, but after all, the bites of this burger and any burger all end up in your stomach, so there is not that much difference between this style and the so-called “normal” way of eating a burger. I personally believe that MY New, Correct Style of Eating Cheeseburgers is best and you will like it more. So will others.
I would have suggested that you try this eating method with hot dogs, but that idea would be a bit much.
June 17, 2019____________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery
Ken Avery on June 24, 2019:
Hi, Bronwen . . .you are so right. Moderation always works. No indigestion and anti-acids. You are very appreciated in reading this hub and leaving such a sweet comment.
Bronwen Scott-Branagan from Victoria, Australia on June 24, 2019:
Moderation is always a good motto, especially when it comes to our favourite foods.
Ken Avery on June 23, 2019:
Hi, Bronwen: no, thank you, for your warm comment, and please accept my apology for you not being able to open your mouth wide enough to eat cheeseburgers.
I will, try to enjoy them, but with a limit. Dieting affects me like that.
Write me soon.
Bronwen Scott-Branagan from Victoria, Australia on June 21, 2019:
Thanks for a fun article. Actually I can't eat them at all as I have a jaw problem and must not open my mouth too wide. Enjoy your burgers!