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More Room for Improvement

Faith is a freshman student taking the course of Bachelor of Arts in Communication.

If I were to go back in time and ask my 12-year-old self whether she was contented with what she was writing, she would eagerly answer with a “Yes!”. However, as years went by and I continued to grow along with my skills, how come I slowly fell into being dissatisfied with my own works?

I started writing stories of fiction and gained inspiration from my own imagination. Watching various films and reading novels in my spare time fueled my fire, enabling me to start pouring my thoughts and ideas into words. It felt fascinating for the first time to express what I couldn’t say and create a world where I was in control. As a child, it was a dream come true.

Making names, inventing places, and travelling through time were the highlights of creating a story. But as much as I enjoyed them, I had to invest in writing academically. Entering high school required additional time for school work and my writing skills for essays and speeches that I needed to submit. I had to step out of my comfort zone to explore a more formal and professional world. I got critics from my teachers, and I was taught how to write more decently since writing was not purely for fun anymore. I was doubtful if I was doing a good job, but it all turned out great. This exploration of a new concept in writing helped me grow.

As an amateur writer, I thought I would be more satisfied once I gained more experience and studied writing formally. I encountered students who were better than me along the way, and it made me conscious of whether I was really doing well in writing. I believe that as long as I continue down this path and gain more experience, I can catch up with the others. I applied for a spot in the school newspaper back in senior high school and thankfully got accepted. Our adviser assigned me to do features, so I did. I was inexperienced as a student journalist, so writing articles were still an experiment for me. Fortunately, I did well once again and got praise. But as soon as I entered a competition against many schools, I was immediately humbled. I doubted my skills and was afraid to continue writing, but it was my only passion.

I entered college to take the course Communication, where I can hone my skills in writing and gain more insights on how to improve. Of course, we meet many more competent and more intelligent students than us in college. It added to my self-consciousness, but it also urged me to learn more and be better than I was before. I had other helping devices, such as Grammarly, that was very useful, especially since everything I write will hugely affect my grades. Writing now became such a challenging task for me when it was just a fun hobby that I did when I was young. There were many points to consider, and the standard rose much higher. Limitations were given to how long I must write when I used to write, no matter how short or long in the past.

Indeed, as my skills progressed, the challenges I must face also went up a notch. Whenever I finish assignments, I assure myself that I did well. But grades changed my mind, and I always felt like my best was not good enough. It made me dissatisfied with my own works, but it still cannot falter my passion for writing. Because all this time, I continued to fight for what I wanted. All those times that I felt conscious of others, I kept writing new things. Those days that I was too busy writing academic papers, my imagination talked to me as if urging me to keep writing a whole new world. Those feelings of seeing my grades after doing my best in essays and my burning passion for writing and improving whispered to me. Telling me to keep walking this path that I had started very young.

Doing different concepts and writing in new ways kept me going. I figured that the more I learned, the more I felt empty with my work. I now have more room for improvement; therefore, I can do much better than I did before. Slowly, I can learn that being dissatisfied is not a completely bad thing. So that the next time I ask myself whether I like what I am writing, I can also answer it eagerly with a “Yes!”.

© 2022 Ydelvess Faith

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