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MENTAL HEALTH: A Light within You

The author is a Registered Nurse, Teacher II in English and has worked as an Operations Manager in a BPO company for 7 years.

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In this new generation everything matters to the people. The way we dressed, speak and even the way we think matters, but we always forget the most important thing which is our mental health.

As a young adult, I observed the world silently and saw what others can't see. I'm aware of what others think about the others and based on my observation you can't really trust everyone. Don't trust those beautiful smiles that they wore everyday, but look in their eyes and see what is that person really feels. I know how it feels to hide the pain through the mask that the people around you want to see and not the real you. It's hard to act like nothing is going on with you just to meet their expectations.

Base on the statistics of the World Health Organization (WHO) mental health conditions account for 16% of the global burden of disease and injury in people aged 10–19 years. Depression is one of the leading cause of having a illness and disability among adolescents and suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15-19 years old. We can see the impact of it in this generation and it is alarming that the age of those who have mental illness is getting younger.

I, myself is not safe from having depression and I tried to end my life when I was 13 years old. The pain that I'm bearing all the time is not bearable at all. I have to act like I'm fine even though I'm not. Nobody saw what the real deal with me is, because they are blinded with the mask I wear everyday. I'm suffering with depression since my dad died way back October 20, 2012 a week before my birthday. The sorrow and the pain that cause me is not a joke and it left a big scar in my heart. After that I always celebrate my birthday in a memorial cemetery every year so I can still feel that I'm with my dad.

The expectation of the adults about me really crumbles me apart. Trying to meet that expectation every single day is hard. There's always a voice inside my head saying that I should be a good student, I must graduate with academic awards and be the person that they want me to be. Whenever I can't meet their expectation they judge me and killed me with their words. They thought that I'm okay but I'm not. I'm like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I always push myself to my limits until my brain drained just to keep up with their expectations. It was a tiring battle between me and my mind. That's the main reason why I'm so scared of failing and I can't handle it well. My emotions are like roller coaster, there are times that I am happy, there's also a time where I am sad and lastly the time where I just want to hide from the world.

I couldn't love myself because of my insecurities. I'm not happy with my body and that tortured my mind a lot. I became so self conscious and I can't go out without putting any make up because I feel that I'm not beautiful. The standard of the society is all I care for before but not anymore. I learned to love myself and accept me for being who I am and now I see the world in a different angle just to keep surviving. To be honest I'm not mentally healthy yet, I still suffer but life is not life without pain and it made me a lot stronger. I stopped waiting for the others to love and accept the person that I am. I stopped waiting for them to see and hear me because in the end I am the only person who can see me.

I saved myself and now I started to create my own adventure without being afraid of the circumstances that may come to me. I am brave enough to handle things on my own but I also learned how to reach out when I need help. There's nothing wrong if we ask for help and there's nothing wrong with failing because it's part of our life. I think the world needs to be more aware of the mental health just like they are with physical health. Seek for the professionals’ opinion when you can't handle the pain anymore.

If there's still a glimpse of light then there's still hope. Stop beating yourself up just to please the crowd and pushing yourself to what you're not, you need to free yourself. There's nothing wrong with being who you are and if the world can't see you remember that there's always someone who can see you and that's God: the mighty creator who loves us no matter what. Our lives is so precious and if ever you want to end it, always remember how the world will be without you and always look at a different angle of life so that you'll see the reason for you to stay.