Love me a little less...
For I’m still on this journey called life, and I think I know that I need more than just love.
There’s a weird feeling in only thinking about this, let alone share this thought with someone even if they’re your confidant. How do you explain to someone that you wish to be loved a little less? Especially today, living in a world like ours where it is so hard to find a single genuine connection. And even if these connections feel over-rated to you, I believe the same applies to family or friends or relatives, as the cruelty of our species toward one other does nothing but bring out the worst in us. So why would I asked to be loves a little less?
The question remains unanswered even though the answer lurks on the pedestal of every street where the wind flows without any obligation, giving just the amount of fresh air that it knows would make one feel rejuvenated, nostalgic...alive.
For the wind knows it cannot exceed its limits. It understands that if there is even an ounce of change in the right amount of what is needed, suffering awaits.
In other words, we all know, if the oxygen is any less than what is needed, the outcome leads to death, and if it is any more than what should be…well there is only so much more one can take.
One might wonder, why am I ranting so much about air and oxygen, and what does it have anything to do with love? Or have you figured it out?
I believe there is a right amount to everything. Whether it is love or oxygen, there is a balance to be maintained if one doesn’t wish to be at the mercy of the fate that they create so absent mindedly. For we all know every human need’s love, there is still much more that needs to be fed to one’s soul in order to achieve ultimate fulfillment. Which however remains intact with the fact that there is no certainty to one’s satisfaction. So how do we experience fulfillment if we cannot be satisfied?
In my experience, all of this, the quarrel regarding one’s satisfaction or fulfillment is merely a distraction to engage oneself in the act of living life, for fulfillment seems like an illusion as one cannot just find fulfillment as one gains something new with every new experience, hence the satisfaction remains discontented. Everything comes back to the conclusion that in order to find the fulfillment one must remind oneself that love is not the ultimate goal, it is merely one part of the whole essence of this journey that we call life. But to live it wholly one must forge one’s path towards fulfillment, while also keeping at bay the inevitable expectancy of that which will come forward to disrupt that very path.
The obstacles, the disruptions and difficulties, the problems. In that moment, one shall remember, that these obstacles and difficulties are merely a part of the path that leads us to fulfillment, that which still remains the goal. One must use the path of love if one chooses so, but also remain careful of the obstacle and do whatever must be done to overcome them.
And then, when one may look back on the journey someday, they shall see that the path of love when chosen, tender yet fierce, is the holding rope that binds all the obstacle, and create a beautiful experience. And though every experience brings us one inch closer to fulfillment, while still remaining a part of fulfillment itself: every obstacle brings us a great opportunity to grow, if one shall choose it. And I, for one, remain someone with a hunger for growth and evolvement.
And thus, I ask, to love me a little less for I shall create space for the obstacle on my path, for the difficulties to put me down so I may rise, for the blessings for my tender heart, and for the whole experience, in order to keep me growing and evolving.
And even though I ask you to love me a little less, I shall also ask you to love me enough to understand that the space I speak about is not coming from a place of unlovingness, self-centeredness, or self-righteousness even. This hunger is merely a reflection of my soul, an outcome that takes place every night when I evaluate my day, an exercise that is imprinted in my heart and mind. To calculate the action I took, the thoughts I thought, the words I spoke, and the feelings I felt. I remain critical of myself while trying equally to remain merciful towards my tender heart that desires nothing but love. And just when I come to that conclusion, I am reminded again that love, ever so abundantly accessible to me has never been enough for the satisfaction of the same heart that desires it. It always needs more. The satisfaction, the hunger remains untamed if not fulfilled. And fulfillment, my friend, as we have talked about, does not come only from love.
In conclusion and simple words, I ask nothing more for myself, but just to be able to feel all the feelings that come my way. And while I make love my anchor so that I know I will not be lost on this journey that I am on, that each one of us is on; I yet again ask to be loved a little less, so that when I contemplate my day and come to an end where my day feels even so unfulfilled, I shall still feel fulfilled. For unfulfillment is also a true part of fulfillment.
© 2021 Urvashi jain