Kenneth, born and raised in the South, resides in Hamilton, Alabama. He enjoys sharing his unique perspectives on life through his writing.
This Introduction may Sound Like
an expose, but it's not. This is a serious, in-the-face, all-holds barred look at how Americans who spend billions on gits for their soul mates, fiances, and marital companions. Billions, folks. Huge money turns hands from the buyers to the supplies just like clockwork. It's a well-orchestrated ballet of meeting the demand and supply that has brought jewelry to being the Number One Gift Choice in America. The pearls, rings, necklaces, bracelets and fancy trinkets are beautiful, no argument. But there is one choice that is all but forgotten: the Lobster.
the Lobster. How truly simple, but yet so strangely-creative in gift-giving. And I would wager $40 bucks that NONE of you ever thought of it. I didn't either until I was watching a TV commercial that was aimed at the delicious, delectable Lobster and although the Lobster Meal would be all that fine stuff that was told by the voice-over, the huge ad money allocated to push Lobster Meals, I would think, is sadly a definite case of wasteful spending.
By way of gifts that you would give your loved one, you have the puppies, kittens, and some gift-givers who possess a strange view of gifts as that as being a turtle decorated by a pretty ribbon--handed to their loved one at a dim-lit romantic dinner. Whatever works, I say to "these" gift-givers who are happy to live on the fringe, but "these" people (and others) would live a happier life if only they would take a new look at how the Maine Lobster can fill their every gift need from anniversary to birthday and feel great when the Maine Lobster is given.
I admit it. The Lobster may appear scary (in the eyes), but the creators of Sponge Bob Square Pants made a crab "Mr. Crab's" who owns a successful under-the-sea eatery in Bikini Beach, almost a house-hold word. But I can bet you even money that their children, those who loved to lay in the floor and watch TV, know who "Mr. Crabs" is and everything about his life and restaurant.
My only question is: who not the Lobster? And before I go further, the people who created Sponge Bob Square Pants also put a lobster named "Larry" on the script, but only in a bit part. See my disgust here? You should be as disgusted as I am when that next birthday or anniversary rolls around and your loved one only gives you expensive jewelry to commemorate your 23rd birthday. Doesn't it get old? Again, let me ask, why not the lobster?
I could share several reasons why the lobster should be on the lips of everyone who still believes in Old Fashioned Love and Gift Giving, but one person's voice cannot accomplish that. I am no Paul Revere. But when I tell you the reasons of why you should be giving a lobster for a gift, you can tell someone and that someone can tell someone and in a short time, we all can be a part of The Lobster Gift Chain and we can all be proud as any peacock, which is not a good gift choice.
The reasons why I am pushing the lobster to be given as a gift are these:
- Time-saving gift choices are the best. When you drop in to your local seafood store you can choose the size of your Lobster and you are finished with gift shopping. And the time you have saved on shopping for gifts, you can spend this time with your loved one.
- Lobsters are cute if you open your mind. Give the lobster a name like "Lenny," if you are male who has a female friend, she will love a lobster whom you have given your choice of names. This gesture will cause the pretty girlfriend to grow closer to you.
- Inexpensive as a gifts. Compare the biggest Lobster and a multi-carat diamond ring. It will not take you long to see that a lobster is the way to go.
- I apologize. I forgot to mention the following reason why lobsters can make the best gifts: if your pretty female friend does not eat meat or fish, she can keep the lobster and keep it in a tank of salt water that you can buy at leading pet stores. These folks can point you in the right direction.
I wouldn't recommend that your pretty female friend try to wear the lobster you gave her as gift because there are many in our free world who might judge the appearance too quickly and make light of you and your pretty female friend. Lobster Tip: if your pretty female friend insists on clipping on the lobster to her top, you might talk to the seafood restaurant and ask if you can keep your pretty female lobster in their tank so he will not die. You can tie a small piece of ribbon around his neck as to tell the restaurant that he is hands-off.
Why I recommend giving lobsters for any special occasion is if you really want to be honest, when you give your pretty female friend a gift for your anniversary, at first, the yelping of the cute puppy will be okay and she can nurture the pup or cat when they meow at all hours of the night--and if you and your girlfriend are considered a working couple, then you will want to get as much sleep as you can and still maintain your fiery competitive spirit while you are both on the job and you can do this if you give her a lobster who cannot yelp or meow.
In the future when the Lobster Gift-Giving takes off, the gift receivers can act as people who like to "give back" to their neighborhood or town. Get an appointment with the school system and give an educational talk about lobsters to the young people who have never heard anything about a lobster and after the talk, you can take the lobster around and let the children pet it, of course, with your permission. Could you do that with an expensive Tennis Bracelet? I don't think you need me to answer that question.
And in closing, I want to be completely transparent by advising you on the one difference between choosing a lobster or expensive piece of jewelry for a gift would be: a lobster has big claws that are very sharp and can cut your hands if you do not tape them shut--and that is a very serious decision that you and your loved one needs to address. This gesture of taping the claws together while you, her and her lobster are out enjoying the day, might appear to be playing with Mother Nature's Plans and frankly, if I were a lobster, I would not want my claws taped shut.
You can make up your own mind.
© 2018 Kenneth Avery