Growing Up Sheltered
I was born into a sheltered, Christian oriented family. My childhood consisted of:
- Going to private schools that focused on religion
- Church on Sunday
- And bible study at home
I was taught to stay away from those that were “sinners”, meaning those that did not follow the same rules I was always forced to follow growing up. But, I was different and did not agree with the cookie cutter rules I was given.
The LGBTQ+ was one subject that was not to be brought up unless required by the curriculum. Often I wished I could spend time with gays or lesbians than go to church and that’s where my fascination began.
High School Exposure
During my sophomore year of high school, a very good friend of mine came out as being lesbian. Now up until this point, I had never interacted with anyone with a different sexual preference. She was scared at first because she feared the criticism and ridicule, but eventually found the strength to be true to herself.
I can recall one day she asked me, “Are you ok with me being gay?”
The question shocked me for a moment but I answered, “Yes, you are much happier with your choice and you’re one of my best friends so I will always support you.”
She pondered a minute and replied,“But you are religious.”
This question both intrigued and saddened me, because I knew her simple statement was both true and false. Many Christian people believe being anything other than heterosexual is a disgrace, but I didn’t believe that at all. So, now I have abandon my Christian based background for a simple, open and loving existence.
Love is Love
Meeting the Love of My Life
During high school is also when I met my boyfriend, he is such an amazing person. We first met during bowling since we both in the youth league. We were friends for awhile before we decided to date and we were off and on for a long time.
Then one day, he confesses he is pansexual. At that time I had never heard of pansexuals before only gays and lesbians, so I wasn’t really sure what that meant. One night while we were chatting he explains that in his definition~
“Being pansexual means you are not attracted to one gender but instead the soul of a person as whole.”
Different Flags of The Community
Life With Him
Like many relationship there are up and downs, but if the love is strong enough it will last a lifetime. One of my fears even to this day is that one day I may be replaced by someone better that my partner finds more attractive and I know many women feel this way. However, this fear is amplified because my boyfriend is pansexual and the thought of being replaced by a different gender is frightening. So, I have made 3 statements to reassure myself that I am loved and everything with be ok:
- He loves You for your soul and personality not your looks
- He tries everyday to show he cares and loves you...just sit back and think about it
- I feel safe and loved at the end of the day and if I don’t I can talk to him about it and he will make it better if he can
By evaluating and telling myself these 3 things, I am gradually feeling more secure in my relation with him. Hopefully, this can help some of you out there who are struggling with this topic. However at the end of the day, if you are truly happy with who you are and who you are with than don’t let doubt or fear cloud your happiness. Talk with your partner even about the simple things and trust me your relationship with be better for it.
My Boyfriend And I With Our Cat
© 2020 Laura Zellers