Mary's articles are inspired by her hobbies and love for the Lord. She loves writing, art, photography, crafting, and being a grandmother.
God had a plan for me!
Last few years took their tole on both of us
I want to go back a few years, like possibly 8 or so. I wrote a hub regarding my husband Larry and his heart issues. He had his surgery, open heart surgery an aorta valve replacement, and did well, until 2018 when other conditions began to surface. He was diagnosed with pulmonary hypertension, which in essence is high blood pressure of the lungs. Some other health concerns were evident like liver cirrhosis, dementia, that condition tried both our patience on a daily basis. Sadly to say he passed on October 12, 2020. He passed very peacefully, he fell asleep in the car as I was taking him to one of his procedures. I was beside myself but managed to get him to the hospital. When we arrived they came out to the car, two gentlemen nurses got him out of the car and into the stretcher, they started to do CPR, but I stopped them because he did not want to be resuscitated. He made that very clear, he did not want any more treatments, he was very tired.
Life is now lonely but I am not alone
The last few years have taught me so much. During the time I cared for my husband, God was doing a mighty work in me. I didn't have a minute to myself when I was caring for Larry. My days and nights blended together, I was always tired and I never was able to get at least 4 hours of sleep in a row. He was up in the middle of the night, on many occasions he was scared. He didn't know what day it was, and even thought at one time I was holding him captive. This is what dementia does to a person, it was always worse in the evening time. I was so scared, I cried in my back room at times when he was in that type of mood. I showed him lots of love though, because that was all I had. I can honestly say that it was only by God's grace that I got through those nights and days before his passing. The Lord gave me the strength I needed for the task at hand. Our God is an awesome God and I now realize that my joy has come, there maybe crying in the evening - but joy comes in the morning and it certainly has for me.
My life now is so different from what I had been used to. I had a big beautiful waterfront home with some of the best views on Whidbey Island. I now live in a modest nice manufactured home in an adult park. I love it, it's less maintenance and less worries. I long for solitude now, every day I wake up and the first thing I do is to give God praise and glory. He has given me so much and now the peace that surpasses all understanding comes every day. I take walks at the park, by myself and stop at our favorite bench along the shoreline, to talk to Larry and give thanks to God. I maybe lonely now, but with God I will never be alone.
Doing what makes me happy!
Now that I am single and on my own, I am doing what makes me happy. I read, go shopping and create beautiful crafts. I have had the desire to sell my handmade goods for years, but had not been able to because of caring for my husband. But I am enjoying every minute now, crocheting, knitting, painting and just making handmade gifts for family and friends. I even have some on Etsy and other places for others to purchase and enjoy. I have had this dream in my heart for many years and believe this is my time. God has helped me get this far and as long as I do my part, he will do the rest. I am also now caring for an elderly lady who I just love. I have a lot of experience in this area, so I hope to care for her with all my heart, and show her all the love patience and respect I can. I believe God uses our tough times to toughen us up and make us stronger so we can care for others and make a difference in their lives.
I also have so much to be thankful for, the beautiful memories Larry and I shared. The adventures we went on, like RVing to Alaska one summer - that was such a wonderful trip. He was also a photographer and we captured so many amazing shots of wildlife and beautiful scenery in that area and in the Yukon Territory. I have all these special memories stored in my heart.
As for relationships, I am sure if God has someone in mind for my next relationship adventure - He will bring it to pass. But for the time being I am going to enjoy the single life God has given me. I will keep trusting Him because He knows what's best for me, and He has been faithful so far - Amen.
Time alone with yourself!
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Mary Gaines