Just One Word of Praise for the Cockroach

Updated on April 11, 2019
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Do not be fooled. Just because you see only one side of anything, do not forget there is always another side to it. Between publishing hubs,

The Cyborg Roaches.
The Cyborg Roaches. | Source

I Suppose That I Have

went out on a limb that I did not know was rotted and now I am feeling very fearful that in a few moments I will be falling into the air yelling for help and hopefully, some good Samaritan will come to my rescue. Or, would that be possible in 2019?

The task at hand: giving the common cockroach (and its variations and breeds) the due pat on the back that for the longest time, we humans have somehow walked on your top for too long and scurried to safety afraid that you would kill us or bring some plague to be put on the Human Race.

Maybe, and I believe this, that you are a more-sophisticated, better breed of cockroach. Can you see that I am speaking on behalf of all the Human Race who, for some reason, had other important duties to do rather than come with me in the spirit of kindness and understanding to show you, the cockroach, that the evil and hatred that we have shown you, will be forgiven by you and will not hold any grudges toward us. Would that be okay?

I can Recall the Very First Time

that I met your kind, oops, I mean, you in your superbly-designed body and mind, and was in awe of how much punishment that those humans around you, could dish out on you and still run away to the darkness under an uncle Jeb’s bed and not come out until the wee hours of the morning.

But isn’t this the way that humans and cockroaches are supposed to survive? I mean, isn’t the human beings and cockroaches supposed to exist in some type of Tom and Jerry cartoon-of-a-life? True that you can be outrun by us with two legs and you with four, but look! Our feet are large and our bodies are bigger, so would it be okay by you and the Cockroach Kingdom, be okay if you were all sent to some far-away place, maybe a quiet island where all of the refuse from New York City, including Brooklyn, are shipped (via barges) to this place and become rotted? For a cockroach, I would guess that this Island of Landfill Refuse would stand for your Heaven when you cease to live . . .but wait! You could be enjoying the rotted vegetables and meats that humans cannot eat because we will die from food poisoning right here, right now!

I would think that from the standard of a cockroach, this FREE trip and all of the unbearable smells and things that YOU love, would deem this offer a wonderful opportunity and we humans have only ONE condition: we simply ask that you, your family and friends, would line-up in an orderly-fashion, and slowly walk up these boards until you get into the Landfill Barges and on your way to fun and a long life that is just around the corner.

Madagascar Cockroach.
Madagascar Cockroach. | Source

The Facts are These:

the cockroach can survive an Atomic Holocaust and not even blink an eye. And the cockroach can live for several years and thrive on the worst garbage that humans can toss away and the cockroach, who is really intelligent, would think that

I Have to Hand it

to you, Mr. Cockroach. I truly believe that I have designed THE perfect plan that will benefit both yu and your millions of roaches of varied colors and sounds, and all without us, the human beings, who give you our word of promise that there shall be NO strings attached to this deal that we are giving you.

Sit back for a moment and think. All you have to do is ride. That’s it. Ride on the garbage that we call the Landfill Barges, while you and your varied breeds, can dine on the Worst Garbage that Mankind will ever toss out to you, the hungry cockroaches, who can dine, then nap if you like. Then dine some more and just wait for the day of Perpetual Garbage will happen when the Landfill Barges will reach the Landfill Harbor and you and yours will be FREE. Completely FREE.

You can run, walk, scurry, scamper, and just enjoy the worst food that humans ever ate, then threw out. And it is yours also FREE. No hidden clauses. No fine print to worry about. Mr. and Mrs. Cockroach, this is Your Day and we want You to be happy today and for the rest of mankind.

On Second Thought

I have but a few closing thoughts that I want to share about the Departure of You and Your Varied Species of Roaches from us, The varied species of Mankind. You can enjoy what is on your Landfill Island for as long as you live . . .and each month, more garbage refuse will reach your isle with new landfill materials that you and yours can love and enjoy.

What will Our World be like in a Roach-free world? At first, scary, when we walk into a dark room and NOT see any of your species run like lightning to hide from a sure-punishment. Not anymore. We human beings can live in total peace and never have to worry one bit about you, the Cockroach.

I just hope that you and your Cockroach Family of Millions will invite us to come on one weekend and share your paradise with you. We promise to not try and give you any GOOD food either in can or bottles. And if we were to bring you some rotted fruits and meats, we would treat this like a gift.

Before you embark on your lovely trip to Landfill Island, we will be giving you one week and this is for you and a group of sensible roaches to round-up any and all Cockroach Rebels who might try to hide so they can multiply and live in the same closets, drain pipes, and septic tanks that you once did. We will NOT offer these Rebel Cockroaches any form of punishment whatsoever.

I simply can’t believe it. The day that mankind and cockroaches said farewell.

April 12, 2019___________________________________________________


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    © 2019 Kenneth Avery


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