Odessa suffered from severe panic attacks, anxiety and depression. She courageously fought them with positivity and by sharing her journey
It Takes Power to Have a Healthy Mind
I decided to write my first article about mental health and wellness. As a suferrer, I want to share my journey, the series of hardships and difficulties I'd gone through, how I overcome the ruminating suggestions when alone in my thoughts, the intrusive and negative thinking that chains one idea after the other. I want you to believe healing is possible. Whoever reads this, I am with you and I will be with you. Please know you are enough!
My journey began two years ago. But the worst episode happened this year. The pandemic stopped all the great plans and life ahead. This gave me a chance to pause and rethink all the decisions I made. It was supposed to be a celebration of my alone time, a revisitation of my achievements and accomplishments. The abundance , the gratefulness my heart feels. Just when you thought life is happy and peaceful, bad things come unexpected, uninvited.
Decisions? What are they? Are they life altering? Am I on the right track? What did I miss? What are the things I could've done? Where am I? What am I doing with my life?Is this what I wanted? Why am I alone in this journey? Where are the people who are supposed to be in this journey with me? And then one question always leads to the worst, death.
I would start overthinking a simple thought and the thought would always lead to fears, panic, pains, tears and depression. The feeling would last for hours, days or months. Because I don't get enough sleep and I was addicted to worrying, I started showing physical symptoms of anxiety. The worst part, these symptoms make me feel more anxious and scared. I felt lump and lymph on my neck, armpits and breasts, I have throbbing headaches,acnes, I always feel feverish, I easily catch flu and allergies, gastro issues, back pain that only gets better when I move or excercise. Name them I have them. Everytime I just think of an issue or a problem, my body tends to respond in a stressful manner. Things, small things trigger my stress response . I thought, I would go crazy.
This year, I decided to consult a therapist. I eased everything out. I never thought I was keeping and harbouring all of these negative emotions, resentments, indignation, hate and anger against other people ALL MY LIFE!
The therapist unearthed painful memories and the monsters in my closet. I realized, not alot of people who were in my circle know me that much and my therapist who was a total stranger exhumed and realeased my demons in the universe.
Some of these things were unresolved and considered to be pent-up. After few sessions, I improved my symptoms but I knew then, I needed to suffice it with determination and strong will. I got to help myself. I started to learn new skills, crochet, software development, learning c# and c++ language, day trading and stocks, bitcoin investing(not pyramiding), poi dancing (just starting) and I have learned the power of our subconscious mind. I have learned I can train it to submit to my conscious mind.
Did you know that the result of energy you throw in the world came from your subconscious mind? At least 90 percent of your brain function is from your subconscious according to studies. These are your unintended behaviors form through habitual mental patterns. According to studies, human beings have an average thought of 70,000 per day and out of the 70,000 thoughts we are drawn to negative suggestions. Why? They said, negative thought causes surge in brain response considered to be critical and urgent.
I remember, I would present, pitch ideas, do performance reviews, dashboard and facilitate leadership learning sessions, If 9 out of 10 provided positive rating, my tendency was to focus and impregrenate my mind with that one bad rating. Imagine, those times I ruminated about how ugly I am because someone suggested it on her facebook wall? I had to repeat the scene in my head when I was embarrassed by a person infront of other people because she thinks she could do my job better and made me feel stupid. Simple? You thought you got over them? No! I didn't, all the while, I had it at the back of my head and I withdraw them everytime it is convenient for me to wallow on self pity and destructive behaviors.
This law is true for both negative and positive. I knew I could make a whole new me by changing not my conscious thought but my subconscious. I convinced myself, repeatedly at night, it's time to let go of all the things that destroy and tear down my nerves and internal organs. Fears, pains, hate, anger, judgment, labels. All the negative emotions I harbored through the years are gone even my physical symptoms. I get into a drowsy state and convince myself that it is done.
I feel I am powerfully and wonderfully made. I
made that agreement with my subconscious mind and I anchor it with the power of love, forgiveness and peace I have within me.
© 2021 Powerfullymade