It’s just me. Maybe it’s the way I was raised. Ever since I can remember, I never really got on that great with other girls. It wasn’t jealousy – I just didn’t click with them. I’m not one of those girls who you see gossiping and shopping with other girls (or at least you don’t see me enjoying it). I can try to get along and I still make an effort, but after a while, I feel like I shouldn’t have to try that hard.
There are a few things that make it difficult for me to get along with girls:
- I don’t really take an interest in a lot of the things many other girls do. I don’t wear a lot of makeup, I bargain-shop, I don’t watch trash TV.
- I don’t like to compete for attention. In a group of girls, I feel like they are all trying to get in on the conversation, add their say, be the nicest… If someone overrides me in a conversation, I just let them go for it and will find something else to do.
- I don’t know how to hold a good conversation with other women. I know that some girls get bored around me, but don't think I know how to show I'm interested because they'll just go talk to other girls instead.
- I like to shop alone so I don’t end up with something I don’t need. Plus I’m not on someone else’s time and I can either take the time I need or leave when I want.
- I prefer to go to the bathroom by myself. I don’t like to go with a partner or a clan.
I know that the women I’ve described are not necessarily typical. However, I find myself in the situation where I am struggling to get along with other girls, such as gatherings with my partner’s co-workers. Especially the ones with kids. I seem at a loss because I didn’t grow up with little babies in my family, so I don’t know what to do when someone hands me one. … Tends to make me not a hit with the mothers.
I find it unfortunate that I don't have the maternal instinct because I feel like girls can be such good friends when they can tell something is wrong, when they take the time to pull someone aside to ask if there is anything the matter. I feel badly because I want to be better company with other women, but it is just easier for me to get along with men. Less pressure because I don’t have to worry about being weird or crude!
I am lucky to have a best friend who I get along with perfectly, who I can make jokes with and not be afraid of offending with my sense of humor (I wanted one bridesmaid by my side at my wedding and that’s her!). I’m lucky to have a partner who makes me feel comfortable and special. I’m lucky to have friends and family who accept me for who I am so I don’t have to worry about only having a few girl friends J
Britta Bailey on August 03, 2020:
I'm the same way! It took me awhile to realize why, but I think I just hate how catty and competitive girls can be sometimes. I wrote an article on this exact topic:
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on October 29, 2019:
Ashley, that's an outstanding perspective on this that I hadn't even considered! Thank you!
Ashley on October 29, 2019:
You think you get along better with guys because you have NOT found the right women. I have amazing and beautiful women in my life - Women who don't do all the Cliche things you listed that are definitely stereotyped from the media and movies - We don't go shopping and twirl our hair and put on makeup layer after layer- in fact, Most of my friends don't even wear makeup - If you opened yourself up to women you would realize that your actually missing out from saying that age old comment "I just get along better with guys", I think this is actually a cop out from deeper connection to your gender. You can't talk about your vagina to your guy friends, or the kind of sex you like, or the relationship stuff to your guy friends, because they don't understand. I used to say that same thing when I was MUCH younger, and I really believed it, however, gaining all my women friends that I have now, I now know the difference and the value of having strong women in my life.
kim on April 19, 2019:
i'm the same i'm 14 and i hang out with the guys more and the girls occasionally say hi to me, i'm sure it's because they pity me but i am more comfortable around my guy friends because i'm a tomboy.
Angie on November 04, 2018:
Same here. I actually think all of the females who feel the way we do would be the best of friends. It's another level of understanding. At work i especially experience better friendships with males. There is no competition they are genuine to me. Right when i have any issues its always a female giving me a hard time, making a comment or just taking verbal jabs at me to bring me down. I do not expereince this from men or other women who feel like i do which is not that many. THank you for your article.
Rebekah Wang on March 24, 2018:
Hi, I feel this way too. You are not alone. I have a guess as to why this might be. Recently I discovered that I am likely on the ASD spectrum - even though it is called a disorder.. I don't really think it is. I mean, we're all different - it's a framework of understanding that difference that helps me. It has been said that girls on the ASD spectrum have a brain more similar to that of adolescent boys, which may explain why I feel this way. Whether or not it explains why YOU feel this way, is entirely up to you to decide. I find knowing more about ASD has both helped and at times hindered me, however, we are the way we are for a reason, and God loves us all the same. Anyway, best of luck! I am the same way but I grew up with 3 sisters so I guess I'm pretty lucky in that respect. I also attended an all girls school and so have a lot of experience in learning how to interact with women and other girls - more so than boys, but in general getting along with boys can be slightly less intimidating for me sometimes.. But I do completely get your point about being straightforward and saying what's on your mind. I would often be called too blunt by other females, not males, but of course I learned better! Good luck and be yourself ! :) xxo!
Ed Palumbo from Tualatin, OR on January 09, 2014:
I've been happily married for 31 years, and the first memory of my wife was the sound of her laughter; I turned because I had to see from whom that genuine laughter originated! I enjoyed her candor, her sense of adventure and irony, and we've been through a few (mis)adventures and two children together over time. Continue as you are. You must be doing something well!
LongTimeMother from Australia on April 19, 2013:
ROFL. That was me in my youth. :)
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on April 19, 2013:
Good way to put it! I can think of so many girls who are like that, haha
Angelaishea on April 18, 2013:
Guys don't worry about anything, they mind their own business. While girls are like, "why you staring at me? Got something to say... Say it to my face!"
Us girls are overdramatic sometimes, but, it's only because we LOVE to get into peoples' business which we think that we're helping. But the problems not solved cuz we are screaming like a maniac!
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on February 06, 2013:
Interesting about you getting alone better with guys I am the same. Nice of you to write about it thanks
stephanieb27 from United States on November 20, 2012:
I agree, you described me too! I grew up a brother and boy cousins. I have a close group of girl friends that I have basically known my whole life, other than that I prefer to hang out with guys.
Injured lamb on October 20, 2012:
I felt like someone is describing me as I was reading this hub of yours...lol...thanks for sharing the true you glassvisage, I agree much with you that it is less pressure to get along with men rather than women(those love to gossip, show off, compare and compete...) really appreciate this hub, I enjoyed it much. Cheers!
Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on October 15, 2012:
I used to hang out with my brother's friends when I was much younger but not anymore interesting Hub
avan989 from maryland on January 20, 2012:
Its probably your interest. You like to do guy things so you will probably hang out with guys more.
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on January 05, 2012:
I agree! Being around my brother definitely saved me from becoming too... girly *shudder*
Kimberly Schimmel from North Carolina, USA on January 03, 2012:
I hung out with boys because I prefer action to drama. Girls can be whiny and silly. Of course I met girls I could be friends with--in calculus classes and such! I'm glad my daughters have brothers to keep them from being too silly--they still like to do their hair and nails, but they don't get into catfights or drama with other girls.
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on November 16, 2011:
Thank you all for your comments! JoKalvin, yes I have - I feel lonely in a group of girly girls where I'm not like them and they're together doing their thing and I'm not a part of it.
JoKalvin on November 09, 2011:
This article is interesting. And I can relate to you somehow! I can pretty much relate to girls, but these girls that I am talking about are those with boyish sides as well, sans 100% girliness. I also do not like very much those stuff that girls do, like shopping for bags, shoes, clothes. I just do not find them interesting! The only time I shop is when I know I really don't have anything to wear anymore! And if I do shop, I do it by myself as well, because I tend to roam around the mall or stores for hours, just looking at things and not even buying them LOL.
I also feel like I'm not being totally myself when I'm around them girly girls. I feel like I have to be like them so I can fit in, and the thing is, I don't really love what I'm becoming, I feel like my actions are limited and I have to be all prim and proper.
I have one question, though: have you ever felt lonely by being that way?
YellowOC1 on November 03, 2011:
I don't understand the need to go to the bathroom alone - perhaps it's just me and my old ways...
sakuralove on October 21, 2011:
I couldn't agree more with you.My mother on the other hand always would look down on me when I would hang out with guys instead of girls,and would always try to get me to hang out with them even though we wouldn't get along!lol though now she sees the error of her ways.....
TheNsa on October 20, 2011:
Opposite sex always attracts, i guess, like I have more female friends than male friends.
smartstuff from India on October 16, 2011:
Nice i ask that about the same about the opposite sex myself ;)
mriwoods from cape cod on October 14, 2011:
Love your straight forward story no frills, just an open truth more girls should follow your advice.
c1234rystal on October 09, 2011:
I agree with StrengthenWomen on the idea that both sexes are taught to act a certain way. As humans, we tend to like fitting into a neat little box. I'm sure you've noticed that even the "misfits" have their own group/subculture.
I used to say that I didn't like to make friends with a lot of women. But I realized that I actually don't like to hang around with people (either sex) who don't share my interests/views. I've hung around with guys who didn't gossip for example, but who acted ultra macho which I found that completely annoying.
I think that we should be open to meeting people, giving them a chance and then decided whether we like them or not. Maybe you'll start meeting more level headed, females who seem to do things outside the box if you meet them through activites that you enjoy rather than family etc.
All in all, I think it's important for women to support each other in a world where we're already not on equal ground with men.
StrengthenWomen from D.C. Metro Area on October 08, 2011:
There is belief that a lot of time as women we fall in line with the status quo, not because we like it but because it is what we have learned or believe others expect of us. I understand what you are stating from a personal prospective because I have been the same way. I think the reason why I got along better with guys was because they did not seem to talk about others just for the sake of conversation. Women often search for what is believed to be the "juicy gossip" when communicating with others because they are more apt to strongly desire emotional connectivity and acceptance. They create these conversations surrounding other peoples business for the sake of this connection, which often leads to the readily known "drama". For those of us women who want to stay out of it, we make the decision to hang out with others (often guys) who are less dramatic; others who are more accepting of us with flaws and all!
shamani67 on October 07, 2011:
I relate whole heartedly to your hub. I am a tom boy at heart. The work I am involved in is mainly a male dominated field. I love working and socialising with men.
I have never ever been a girly girl. Hate makeup and hate dresses. I relate to the fellas much more than females.
lifedancer from California on October 07, 2011:
Good issue. I'm 63 and find commonality with you., but do wear makeup and am a girly-girl. I attend dances and music events where I often notice that I really like only a few women, though I see more attractive women than men. Men, more often than women, speak to me and are friendly. I see women competing for male attention in groups. When I'm with a good female friend, that does not happen. I want some scientific studies on this topic.
Abigail Richards from United Kingdom on October 07, 2011:
great hub, I feel exactly the same. I've always gotten on better with guys. Girls are far too high maintenance these days. :)
Kalpana Iyer from India on October 07, 2011:
I feel it's necessary to get along with both genders. In the same way, I don't think it's fine if girls ONLY get along with girls. They need to get along with guys too -- because when they are in a social environment, they are not dealing with just one gender. How well you cope up with both the sexes defines how adaptable you are. That saying, I'm more comfortable with guys too, but I'm taking an effort nowadays to like and appreciate what other girls do. Just my thought :)
Sherry Evans (Zimmerman) from Troy, Ohio on October 07, 2011:
Great hub, especially for those of us (and from the comments here there are quite a few) that have never been the girly girl.
I grew up playing in the garage, learned to love working on cars, riding motorcycles with my brothers, and hanging out with the guys. I don't like anything about shopping, only wear makeup for weddings and funerals, and almost keeled over when my daughter said she wanted to try out for cheerleading. I was always happier tearing into a motor than gossiping with the girls and the guys that knew me well appreciated that I could get my little hands back behind the motor where they couldn't reach and had a sense of humor that would offend most girls.
One of my guy friends attributes this phenomenon to girls just generally being the more competitive of the two sexes. And I have to agree with him when he says that if you put 5 women in a room together and come back 5 hours later you'll find angry yelling and possibly blood... put 5 men in a room together for 5 hours and when you get back they'll be kicked back, relaxed and playing cards.
That best friend you have, hang on tight to her and let her know that she means the world to you. I, too, had one female friend that I meshed with extremely well. We survived high school, boyfriends and break ups, marriages, kids, and so much more together. She passed away (at 39) almost two years ago now and I'll never find another person - male or female - that just fits like we did.
justmyopiniontoo on October 01, 2011:
Great hub, I think that a lot of people can recognise these characteristics in themselves, me especially (admittly if I had been into make-up and going to the toilet in twos etc, I may have been seen as weird) I also think that most guys get on better with girls and girls better with guys because were not trying to impress or be impressed and can be ouselves
Prickly Flower from Netherlands on September 30, 2011:
So recognisable! My best friend is a guy. With him I can talk about so many more things than with most girls. Although I'm lucky in having two sisters who accept me the way I am and fulfill the roles of friends splendidly. And though I love kids and have them myself, I really don't want to talk about them all the time, lovable though the are. Really great hub!
LailaK from Atlanta, Georgia on September 29, 2011:
Throughout reading your hub, I kept saying "me too!!" all the time! Very well-written! Voted up!
Joanna McKenna from Central Oklahoma on September 25, 2011:
I think Alecia Murphy nailed it, that hanging out with other girls whose lives revolve around the superficial holds no appeal for many of us.
TheDailyMessenger from Las Vegas, NV on September 24, 2011:
Very good blog and you had an incredible perspective on this. so for that, keep up the good work.
Alecia Murphy from Wilmington, North Carolina on September 24, 2011:
I can relate. I grew up an only child and I wasn't very girly, but I wasn't a tomboy either. I just liked books and stuff. I did have Barbies, but that wasn't all I enjoyed. Even in high school when I did have girlfriends, I stopped hanging out with the girls I had befriended because I wasn't obsessed with shopping, boys, or anything superficial. Now obviously I am a girl and I do enjoy some girly things like bright colors, but I don't think that defines me just like my appreciation of basketball, music, or writing doesn't either. Great Hub!
Robin Edmondson from San Francisco on September 22, 2011:
Interesting Hub. I have a few girlfriends that are amazing but they can be hard to find. We just had a conversation with our daughter last night because she was having a hard time with the girls in her class being snarky. We decided that it would be better to go play with the boys when they acted like that. Boys never say things like, I won't be your friend if you go play tetherball with so and so. They might punch you when they're mad but they usually forget about it after a few minutes. ;) I feel like I'm extremely selective about my girl friends as I have a a few that are amazing and I really don't want any of the drama. I'm glad you have your one good girlfriend, sometimes that's all you need! ;)
buddhkist from State of Somewhere on September 22, 2011:
Fascinating hub. I believe a lot of people can relate to this. Personally, I've never been very interested in conversing with any person who is obsessed with materialism. Male or female. Because of that I tend to seek comfort in music, art and literature.
glassvisage (author) from Northern California on September 22, 2011:
Thanks so much for all of your comments! It's been on my mind these days I think because I've been in a newer city with different kinds of people. It's good to be diverse, but so long as I have my friends and family at hand :)
Harvey Stelman from Illinois on September 22, 2011:
as long as you're happy, who cares? i've always had more girl's for friend's, except when it was time to play ball. no, not the other, h
Ikechi Awazie from Lagos, Nigeria on September 22, 2011:
I love your hub. There is nothing wrong with being different. I Know that people sometimes feel odd when they are not doing what others are doing or expect them to do Remember that are you are unique being and that's your strength.
Kristin Trapp from Illinois on September 22, 2011:
This is very interesting. When in high school I tended to prefer to sit with a group of guys than girls. There isn't squabbling and friend-breakups and pointless gossip. Not to say all groups of girls are like that, but I think it's that way during the high school and college years. My daughter seems to like to hang with guy groups, as well.
Paul Goodman from Florida USA on September 22, 2011:
"I prefer to go to the bathroom by myself. I don’t like to go with a partner or a clan." Hehe! That whole bathroom scene is a mystery to a man, although it seems to happen less as women get older! Voted up!
Shampa Sadhya from NEW DELHI, INDIA on September 21, 2011:
Voted up and interesting. I liked your hub very much because I felt a bit connected with it. Like you I also get along with the boys very well. Either in my childhood or as a teenager I used to play all male dominated games as well as watched live telecast of sports tournaments. Well, there is a twist in my tale from yours and that is I used to and even today I get along nicely with the girls too but definitely those girls who share some common interests with the boys and not the girls with typical girlish approach. I usually keep a distance with them. Even, I often avoid the typical colors which are usually liked by the girls.
A nice interesting hub. Keep it up!
Joanna McKenna from Central Oklahoma on September 21, 2011:
glass, "girlie" stuff (make-up, clothes shopping, celeb watching) isn't the center of my world either, and trying to converse with a group of chatty gals just bores me silly. I also prefer to shop alone. (Actually, I'm told I shop like a guy - go straight for what I came for, buy it and get out. No browsing.) At family get togethers, I'm more likely to be playing poker and discussing politics with the guys than trading recipes and beauty secrets with the women. This probably sounds sexist, but it's just the way I'm wired and always have been. ;D
Krishna from Dausa, India on September 21, 2011:
Interesting Story... and Photo too...
Angela Martinez from Cavite, Philippines on September 21, 2011:
it gives a great feeling to belong with a group of guy friends and they don't talk about u how they normally talk about other girls ;* i see nothin' wrong with that as i've grown to have more guys being close friends for years & it's an honest to goodness awesome relationship that a few of my real good gF's find quite admirable in me^^. wish u all the best! :)
Ratanak Ou on September 21, 2011:
That's great that you can do everything by your ownself. Well, most girls like shopping or going out in group. However, you definitely would be a real girl in last. Great to read your hub!