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I Need Lots of Money

I got my interest in writing while in primary school. I enjoy creating stories that can be read by people. And I am the first to read them.

Money Used in Kenya

A-One Thousand Shillings Note Used in Kenya

A-One Thousand Shillings Note Used in Kenya

I Need Some Money

Everyone loves you Money, everyone is looking for you. I love you too my dear, but you hate me. They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I can assure you, you are beautiful to all.

They admire you; they all stare at you and they are amazed by your power(s). People can do anything for you, and what about me? Can I do anything for you? Well, I am not sure.

Money, Why Do You Hate Me?

Money, why do you hate me? I love you with all my heart, but it seems like you hate me, you detest me.

You are plotting to kill me, to exterminate me from the face of the earth. Yes, that is something you cannot deny.

Can you tell me why you have been hiding from me? When you see me passing by, you jump into trenches.

You hide in dark corners and crevices like a heathen roach. But when I pass, you come out of your hiding place and start rejoicing.

You mock me telling your cousins, “look at him, he can’t see us, he can’t find us, he will die poor”.

And then you laugh at me. You jeer at me and when I turn back you run as fast as deer.

Coins Used in Kenya

Coins used as a medium of exchange in Kenya

Coins used as a medium of exchange in Kenya

The Disappearing Money

On several occasions when I have been lucky to have you in my pocket, you end up tearing my pocket and disappearing, leaving my pocket with gaping holes.

Where you go to I don’t know. Allow me to sing this song to you, ‘where do you go my lovely …’ sorry I am not talented in singing; I don’t even know the rest of it.

Oh, money where are you when I need you desperately? Why do you hate me? Why are you always hiding away from me? Or you are a coward? Yes! Yes! Now I know you fear me, you don’t want to come close to me.

But why do you fear me? Why do you hide from me? Why do you mock me? Why are you driving me crazy, what did I do to you? Tell me, I need to know.

Money Goes Where There is Money

Money, why do you love other people than you love me? I even have a feeling that they don't love you in such a way you think, you only befriend them.

Let me ask you, why do you follow them wherever they go? What did they give you that I haven't? Tell me and I will give it to you right now.

We are told that some were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Let me ask you, where is mine? I should be having one. Who stole it? Who took it away from me?

Look at the cars of those you have befriended, they are fuel-guzzlers whereas I can't even afford kerosene for cooking my food.

You are laughing at me now. You are asking me why I can't use gas or electricity. You have forgotten how expensive they are.


Befriending Money

Tell me money, what can I do so that we can be friends. Every time I have you in my pocket you are always busy that you can't even rest for a moment.

You are always eager to fly away like a bird. I almost forgot to ask you, what is wrong with my pockets? Why can't you stay in my wallet? Or is it because it's old, very old, indeed?

And mind you, it hasn't been aged because of carrying a lot of money, but because I keep on constantly checking if there is any of you left in my pocket.

I Hid You in a Bank

The last time I thought I was very clever, I hid you in a bank. How did you manage to escape? The last time I went back there to get you, I was told that my account was overdrawn.

Oh, I remember, I had left you there, many of you and your children, where I was promised you would start reproducing. I was a very happy man. I remember what you did, you kept on crying for me to come and get you.

You used to say that that was a jail and you did not belong in jail. So, instead of adding more of you, I ended up subtracting. I would take you shopping and you would refuse to come out of the supermarket.

I would leave almost all of you there, only to be given some coins. I remember now, sometimes you could call for me to come and rescue you.

Then, after that, you would advise me to go and water my thirst throat in the nearby club and I would follow your bidding without a question.

There, together with my friends, we would enjoy ourselves, drinking beer after beer. On Monday I would report to work with a murderous hangover the size of Mount Kenya.

My pockets would all be empty except for the handkerchief and my old mobile phone.

Man Made Money

Tell me, why do you keep on tricking me? Why do you control me instead of vice versa?

But of all, I would like to know why you hate me. Please tell me money, why are you and your kids plotting to kill me.

You know very well I can't leave without you. Everything I do in this world except breathing I can't do without you.

What did I do to you so that you can punish me like this? Have you heard of what humans say?

God made man,

Man made money,

Money made man mad.

Dreaming About Money

Okay, tell me this, why do you torment me at night. I told you that you are plotting to kill me, yet you have not proved me wrong.

All night long, I dream of you, I dream of nice cars, a nice home, good food, good clothing. I dream that I am rich, we have become friends with you and you are now working for me.

I dream that all my debtors have paid me back to the last coin. When the alarm wakes me up in the morning, dazed by the haunting dreams; my heartaches.

This is when I remember that I don't even have a bus fare to enable me to reach my place of work. Without an option, I join other hundreds of people with hungry eyes and we trek to work with our empty stomachs rumbling like thunder.

I am Hardworking, Yet no Money

Aha! Look at me; am hardworking, waking up very early in the morning before dawn break and returning home late at night bone-tired. I creep silently like a cornered thief not to wake my sleepy neighbours.

And when I reach for my wallet to count how many of you I have, what I find is only coins burdening my already tired wallet. The best of you have flown away from me.

Hardworking Nairobians

Nairobians walking to their places of work

Nairobians walking to their places of work

Working Smart

Money let me tell you this, I am not afraid of you, keep on hiding from me, but I am going to catch you, and then you will start working for me.

When that time comes, I will stop working hard as a donkey and start working smart.

I Need Some Money

Money Question

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2012 Patrick Kamau

Comments

Patrick Kamau (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on May 25, 2012:

dwachira, thanks for reading and commenting. I am glad you liked it.

Danson Wachira from Nairobi, Kenya on May 22, 2012:

Very interesting Patkay, i like it.

Patrick Kamau (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on April 17, 2012:

Emmanuel Kariuki, things are bad. Imagine even with the discovery of oil in Turkana, they are still pushing the prices up. What will happen to those with gapping holes in their pockets? Well, let us wait and see. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Patrick Kamau (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on April 17, 2012:

Thanks Teresa Schultz for your compliments. I am glad that you enjoyed reading the hub. I am hoping that money is not giving you nightmares!

Emmanuel Kariuki from Nairobi, Kenya on April 16, 2012:

Patkay,

I was attracted by the title and thought I would find a way to set snares for the elusive money. Now I realize we might need to call the elders and 'sacrifice a goat.'The Petrol price just went up and that means the little in the pocket will flow out faster, and the expected one will be more pocket-phobic than ever before.

Thanks for getting me out of a reverie. I have to go and work.

Teresa Schultz from East London, in South Africa on April 16, 2012:

Oh what an enjoyable read that was! - very creative and clever how you can take the topic of money and turn it into this excellent piece of creative writing - well done!

Patrick Kamau (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on April 01, 2012:

Thanks gramarye for reading and commenting. Glad that you liked it.

gramarye from Adelaide - Australia on March 31, 2012:

Very well written and funny!

Patrick Kamau (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on March 29, 2012:

Thanks suziecat7 for dropping by and commenting. Thanks for the compliment too.

suziecat7 from Asheville, NC on March 29, 2012:

Great Hub - glad I found you.

Patrick Kamau (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on March 11, 2012:

Dr Kavita Shaikh, forget about my 'love-hate relationship' with money, this is just madness that sometimes attacks writers. But when writing I had to question myself about money and I did not find many answers I can assure you. Thanks a lot for reading and commenting, I appreciate your stopping by. All the best.

Dr Kavita Shaikh from MUSCAT on March 11, 2012:

Patkay, money is not everything, but definitely is something. Money is the root cause of all evil, yet people crave for this evil as if their lives depended upon it. Anyway best of luck to you in earning more and ending the love-hate rationship between you and money. Voted up

Patrick Kamau (author) from Nairobi, Kenya on March 11, 2012:

lucy patrick thanks a lot for reading and commenting. I agree with you, we all need money.

lucy patrick on March 10, 2012:

Beautiful. We all need money patkay.

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