I Want to Write Again
I Want to Write Again
I want to start writing again. It’s so long. I want to see the words flow from my brain to the computer again. It’s been difficult to do that for awhile, though. For many reasons. But mostly, the words just don’t flow like they used to.
I guess it all started when my depression started to really get to me. No one thing caused my depression – it’s been a little of everything. But because of that depression, I just don’t do much of anything.
My house isn’t as clean as it once was. I watch a LOT of television. I don’t move from my sofa very much because I have no energy. I don’t have any of the interests I once had. I’ve gained weight because I don’t exercise. I’m angry over little things - or nothing at all. I don’t like myself because I’m not who I once was. I have trouble keeping my mind on one thing at a time. If you look at a diagnosis of depression on the internet – I have just about every sign there is.
I don’t know what to do about it to make me better. I am on medication and I go to therapy once a week. It’s not helping like it once did. I’ve told my therapist and my doctor that things just aren’t working – that I’m trying everything – but still nothing is working. I want things to get better.
Have you experienced depression?
- feeling helpless or hopeless
- loss of interest in daily activities
- appetite or weight changes
- anger and/or irritability
- loss of energy
- reckless behavior
- concentration problems
- unexplained aches and pains
How I Feel
I Want to Write Again...
I look back at my writing, and I think – most of it was okay. Some of it was good. And one or two things were actually great. But I can’t make the words flow like they once did. I have to stop after each thought – just so I can get another thought. Where once, I could write an article or story in one sitting – now it takes me a few days to finish what I start. And then I read it and it’s terrible! So I try and start again.
I was happy writing once – and I want to be again. But now writing seems too much like work. It’s not the relief from my work – it has become just more work. I want to get away from everything while I’m writing. But I can’t. It has become just one more thing that I HAVE to do. Not something I WANT to do.
Even writing this – this explanation of sorts – is just a job I have to do.
I’ve been away too long. I want to write again…