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I Didn’t Know My Own Strength!

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Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing. Some eat, drink or use drugs when stressed; I write.

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When life’s challenges took my dreams, it left me standing at a crossroad questioning what will happen next. Life comes with problems and sorrows. There is no way around it. They can keep you going to the point that you wonder which way I should go if I go, or they can help you on your climb to the top. It is terrifying not recognizing how to win the next big move. I found myself paralyzed and more than a little fearful of the direction my life was going. To summarize, I didn’t know my own strength.

Most people don’t know their strengths because they have misconceptions, and they do not know what their strengths offer them. It is something hard to channel during the worst of times. And no matter how hard things get or how hopeless things look, you need to know your strength to create the happiness that derives from moments and days that enable you to live a peaceful life.

Before I found my strength, my life was in a phase of uncertainty. And for that reason, it was a stand-still. Anyone who has ever had a car breakdown understands that one of the most challenging parts of the situation is — “you stuck” in need of help. Stuck means being unable to move — and that was one of the biggest obstacles I was facing.

When I lost loved ones unexpectedly, gaining control seems to be impossible. I missed two of the most significant people in my life, and I felt stuck in a turbulent situation. It appeared life was throwing too much at me. So, my life changes from energizing and uplifting to no energy and depressing. I was unprepared to deal with everything that’s going on, so I drift in the middle — waiting, wondering, listening in silence. My life was like a rollercoaster ride. In short, I didn’t know my own strength.

We have each been there — drifting where we feel as if we on a roller coaster ride. You on a journey that ends where you nearly take a step off the curve. But the relinquishment of life is possible if you strive to see glimpses of hope, waiting for a sign of the worse to end. While we are waiting, God is abiding to make his existence that He operates in a different realm of time.

Being “stuck” in the same cycle is something I did not notice at first. But. When I found myself stuck in a rut, fighting each morning to get out of bed, gaining strength is a feeling that builds slowly. Life is not one extensive rose garden where everything is beautiful. The awful things that happen to me daily made me wonder what would go wrong next?

After desiring life to bring about new insights, I was in a meditative state — ones in which I’ve learned to pause and take a deep breath, step back to focus my attention on my stress that negatively affects my life. When stressed, I replay things in my head that I need to analyze. The trials that brought out the worse, some I did not feel worth reliving and others I examine to prevent living all over again.

The reality is the case that life is anything but a walk on the beach, and it could not care less how young or old you are. The truth is, it comes in seasons — some heroic, some full of delusions, and some so bad that you will need plenty of time to regain. But if you bless, to secure the best of the season. It just feels like the beginning of time. Perhaps you get your dream job or secure the perfect partner to stand a good chance of living happily ever after.

When I lost two indispensable people in my life, I felt my life was over. I drifted along aimlessly, seeing myself through a dark color lens. Being at the mercy of my mind, while it tells me, “Give up,” there is no hope for you. My life as I knew it appears rudderless wandering through unfamiliar wood. My ability to concentrate was difficult, and that when I discover the brain does what it trained. For that reason, excitements were few. Challenges are sparse, and the worst habit took over me.

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Without my significant other, I experience days where I felt I did not have enough air. And how can I breathe without oxygen? The pain was so severe that I just wanted it to go. My life felt isolated in pitch-darkness, in my home; even when I found myself in a room full of people, I felt so alone. I cried, and the reason can sum up in one word, “Depression.” And undoubtedly, this is the worst part of being at the mercy of the mind.

To lose a significant other and a mother in two years apart was one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone. Afterward, I went through life comparable to a person attempting to swim and striving to stay above water but sinking to drown. Although heartache is a part of life, it can be one of the hardest parts and the most difficult to comprehend. In fact, after losing loved ones, it is a very lonely journey.

Being a single mother is not easy. But to have to raise a beautiful little girl alone. I want to embrace the journey to single motherhood. Only, I didn’t know how to because I experience so much grief. I desired to be the mother my daughter so deserved. But because I was coping with a multitude of feelings accompany by grief, I just could not; it’s miserable to feel as if you cannot improve. I struggle to fight through my pain, but it hard, as I didn’t know my own strength.

If you are like me, lost a loved one, you probably asked these questions: how can I go on? Will I have ever be whole again? And Where is God, and why did he let me lose someone so dear to me?

My question is, are you seeking to cope with losing a loved one? Does the hurt feel unbearable? If the answer is yes to both questions, you are not alone. I experience losing loved ones. It has been a lot of years, and yet the grief has not passed. The good news is you learn how to manage it.

Whitney Houston - I Didn't Know My Own Strength [MwapiTV]

Experiencing ongoing intense feelings of emptiness is one of the most challenging events a person can encounter. Therefore, at night, I awake. So alone missing him and in so much pain that I would lie awake so in need of rest. The pain was so great that I required peace to relieve my racing mind. I did not feel alive. I can remember thinking that. “This does not feel like me.” An unhappy woman, deciding to put forward an effort to change.

It did not go to happen overnight, and it was hard to fight my way back out of the dark. However, with time and a beautiful little girl, and a loving sister that gave me support, the pain of loss became less intensive. Although it will always be a deep emptiness and unimaginable void in my life, I needed to know my own strength.

The lyric from Houston’s song seems as if they wrote them just for me. I survived my darkest hour. My faith kept me alive. I picked myself back up, hold my head up high; I was not built to break. I didn’t know my own strength.

Ms. Whitney Houston echoed; I didn’t know my own strength in a song. It is a single share from her seventh studio album. I look to you in 2009. I didn’t know my own strength was written by award-winning writer Diane Warren and produced by David Foster. Houston performed the song live on The Oprah Winfrey Show on September 15, 2009. She also sang the hit lives on the 2009 American Music Awards.

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Whitney Houston Performance | The Oprah Winfrey Show | Oprah Winfrey Network

© 2021 Pam Morris

Comments

Pam Morris (author) from Atlanta Georgia on February 04, 2021:

Thank you, Marlene, for taking the time to comment on my Hub. It is appreciated and thank you for your positive words.

Marlene Bertrand from USA on February 03, 2021:

First, we find faith, then we find strength. Sometimes, through faith, we find the strength we never knew we had or could possibly gain. I am so glad you found your strength.