Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.
Writer’s note: at the bottom of this piece, I used the brand, Motel 6, which is to be where my trained ticks will be racing. Seriously, I do NOT endorse you in purchasing tickets to my Tick Circus Racing or getting a room at Motel 6. And I do NOT advertise my Ticks on being a household word. But they do make a nice hub. Thanks, Kenneth.
How to Remove Ticks From the Body.
In Plain English, What are
ticks? They are arachnids, typically 3 to 5 mm long, part of the order Parasitiformes. Ticks are ectoparasites (external parasites), living by feeding on the blood of mammals, birds, and sometimes reptiles and amphibians. Ticks are also credited for spreading the dangerous Lyme Disease.
I would have read more and there is a good possibility that I would have shared the additional tick info, but two reasons forbade it: one, I know that you are not into all of that stuff about ticks and their original habitat during the time prior to dinosaurs. Plus, I also know that you are far from interested in knowing about the differences between a Deer Tick and a Dog Tick. This one should be a piece of cake, because most southern male hunters would know this right off.
Moving to Age Twelve
the time when us guys hit "that" age when females start to interest us, but the part of us that loves exploring life's endless mysteries, is still very prevalent, so we set-out to studying, and (this gets me), Ticks. yes, Ticks. Go ahead. Laugh because I have already been lectured (by my parents) and advised on the "dangers" of handing such forms of life, but that was prior to me actually reading proof that Ticks are the Perfect Disease-Carrying Vehicle and they know it. They do not flaunt their sick way of crawling with the ease of a newly-graduated Navy SEAL who has mastered the art of stealth. Ticks crawl on most anything--trees, horses, mules, cats, humans and their favorite: Dogs. Why dogs? According to my science of Ticks (above) it has everything to with their fur and body temperature.
No guy at age twelve is going to spend numerous summer days inside on a laptop researching Ticks. Guys at this age love to explore girls and if you will stop and think, girls are far more interesting than ticks. I have never in my single days of chasing pretty girls EVER been infected by ticks who have given me Lyme Disease or Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever! That, my friend, is THE bottom line.
I Recall That Awful
moment when I was having a big old time petting one of my pet dogs, "Frank," was not a dog of pedigreed, but one of the most-loyal, smartest hunting dog that this kid had ever known. "Frank" lived a long, rich life and helped tree many squirrels (so my family and could have food) and also helped me by being my friend.
The moment that am talking about is a painful moment and one that I am smoothing the adjectives as I go, because I don't want you to be sick, but as I petted "Frank," we were not minding anyone's business but hours, when suddenly, I felt this knot or something that was just underneath the hair on his neck and with a little searching, I called my dad to help rid "Frank" of the "blood sucker" so it would live no more. The cute term, "blood sucker," is very synonymous with the name, Tick, due to it's ability to suck the blood from most living things including humans.
Dad showed no fear as he took the tick off of "Frank's" neck and he even showed my dad a gesture of thanks as he licked my dad's hand and in these special moments were some of the best times that I had lived up until twelve. As my life went on, I would pet many more dogs and I learned how to take care of any ticks that I found on my dogs and even on myself as I inspected myself before bed and once, I found an amateur tick who was having trouble sticking his "bill" into a vein, but I gently picked off the tick and with a fluid motion, tossed him into our fireplace--that did have a fire because it was winter time.
As I Grew Into a Clumsy Teenager
I want to first confess that at "this" time in my young life, I desired like all get out, to forget everything and every image that I had remembered about Ticks and their purpose in life, if any, and just live a normal teenager and I know that you "Armchair Philosophers," will attest to the fact that there are NO normal teenagers here, there, or way back to anywhere. It is just not humanly-possible.
As I went on to junior high, I almost made it without the name of Ticks or any photo that I had viewed in my mom's Webster's Dictionary, which was the Last Word or First Word about anything or anyone, even Ticks. I really wanted to rip that page out about these little parasites and burn the thing, but I knew that my mom would know that I had committed such a teenage blunder, so I chose to NOT harm the page about Ticks.
Then in my Early Adulthood
something occurred to me: the many years that I had worked to forget and do away with Ticks, then gave me a epiphany, of sorts. This was the best notion that I had ever experienced and it had nothing to do with God, the Church or Jesus' death on the cross. All the same, the notion taught me to NOT fight against Ticks, but to embrace them. Whattttt? Embrace? Are you nuts, notion?
Turns out, the notion was not nuts. But as I learned more and more how to embrace Ticks, more and more ideas came to me on how I could be wealthy, popular, and able to be a guest on all of TV's established networks. Back then, I would have went for an appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
After a little thought, I knew that I only needed that ONE appearance with Carson, McMahon, and Doc Severinsen, the band leader. Yes, I could head home, relax and get ready for my phone to ring all night and day with pretty girl TV reporters begging me to let them film a special about How I Made Ticks a Household Word. Note: yes, I would have asked for pretty girl TV reporters because I was not about to ask any male TV reporters because I would be very uncomfortable.
To let you in on my ideas about I Can Make Ticks Being a Household Word . . .here are a hit ideas (below) and I ask you to NOT try and copy them because this hub is copyrighted 2019.
1.) Remember the Rock-legendary Band, the Doobie Brothers--and their hit song, “Black Water?” My title of this song would be: “Oh, Ticks Water! Mississippi Dogs won’t you ride with me?”
2.) MARVEL COMICS – can add a new member to the Avengers: Ticky Tick, blessed with silent moving and able to siphon the blood out of an evil foe. Yay, Ticky!
3.) Midnight Swim Can Capitalize – with my Tick Claymation Comedy films. Audiences, especially the teenagers, will love it. “The Adventures of Ralph Tickden and his wife, Ticklice on the Tick-a-Mooners. I didn’t say that this would hit the roof!
4.) NFL Can Expand to Alaska-- with a brand-new team with the mascot, Alaskan Ticks, and their uniforms will be a dark brown and will be trained to run slowly to confuse those big defenses.
5.) DC Comics Can Release – a remake of Superman, but with a new hero: Tickster Man, with Slark Bent, can be a mild-mannered tick working on the Daily Puppy as a new Tick tracker. His co-worker, Lois Tick, can help him with his various adventues. Tickster Man will also have Tick powers such as: Tick Vision, able to look through walls and the fur of dogs for hiding places. Tick Skin so tough that even a stomp from a man’s shoe will not harm him.
6.) My Tick Circus Galaxnation – is self-explanation. I will expert Tick wranglers to work in my Tick Circus traveling from town to town from mall to mall and we would have a popular name. Yes, my ticks would be paid and paid well. That has to be in confidence due to the Tick Union forbidding me to disclose any wage information.
7.) Sprint Tick Races – every Sunday afternoon, but our trained ticks will not be subjected to the hot sun, but in an air-conditioned conference room in a nearby Motel 6.
8.) This One Happens to be My Favorite – I know that my Tick Carnival and Tick Races will be over due to the dwindling supply of dogs and ticks, so I am going to talk some of the best TV ad agencies into filming commercials about a product that gets rid of Ticks on their dogs and cats, and the kicker is: the spokes-tick is going to be doing the selling and this commercial will be the RAVE of commercials and TV ratings. Would you be ready to buy such a product as: “Kick Ticks Away?”
A Passing Thought/Summary
about the names of Ticks. This is the segment that I did not include in the early-going of this piece. But I do, seriously-believe that Ticks should NOT be saddled and labeled with names such as: “Terrible Tick” or “Sick Tick,” but maybe names like: “Dick Tick,” “Rick Tick,” “Rickety-Split Tick,” and “Nick Tick.” Pretty good, huh?
I did say that I have a “few” ideas and these are they.
And to think, I do not even like Ticks, but since they may be working for me, don’t breathe a word to them.
July 2, 2019_____________________________________________________
© 2019 Kenneth Avery
Kenneth Avery (author) from Hamilton, Alabama on July 16, 2019:
Dear Besarien . . .God bless you for your sweet comment. I am very glad that you laughed at some of this text. In short, if ONE heart was happy just for a few moments, these hubs that I try to publish are well wroth it.
Write me anytime.
Besarien from South Florida on July 06, 2019:
Hello Kenneth! Ticks are my personal kryptonite, but somehow you made me laugh with your Tick version of the Honeymooners.