Robyn is a spirited writer who combines life experience and literature to share her view of the world.
This step is important. I contemplate all the time how the person I am right now, the one with her own beliefs and own opinions of the world, is totally different than the girl just entering college having never left her hometown.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my hometown. But it wasn’t until I was stuck there that I began thinking - are these my goals, or someone else’s?
It can be hard to differentiate between what you want and what the world wants for you. I mean when you are surrounded by supportive people who are excited about what you’re doing and where you’re headed, you start believing that their expectations are your goal.
And sometimes, they are. It is totally okay to decide on your own that the road you have been paving with others is in fact the same path you want to stay on.
But sometimes, we have to step back and consider is this where we want to be, is this what we believe, will this life give me genuine happiness?
Thsee are huge questions, and its okay not to have the answer yet. The important part is that you questioned yourself. You took a moment to pause on your life path, and considered alternatives. Now is the fun part, because you get to choose what makes you happiest.
A Freeing Feeling
Next: Forget The Timeline
Here me out. One day, you’re excited about life in all its possibilities. You are excited to finish school or maybe start a new job. Or maybe you’re building a house. Or maybe, you’re being still. All of these are okay, but we forget that.
One day, its like we wake up and realize that everyone around us has “beaten” us to these goals. Before even considering if these are our own goals, we criticize ourselves for not having reached it first or not reaching it fast enough.
That’s kind of an insane thought, right? It’s okay to admit this, because everyone does it (at least I hope). Because I do this all the dang time.
After graduating from Texas A&M, the hubs and I decided to make a spontaneous move to Colorado. We were, and still are, enthralled by the mountains and wanted to start our marriage out by planting our own roots. We aren’t sure that we will stay here, but it has been a literal breath of fresh air to get away for a while, see the world from different perspectives, and continue building and growing as a couple.
But despite this happiness I feel, I still have random days when I wake up and realize that everyone else is already doing all of these other things. My friends are building houses, starting families, accepting their life goals of careers. I haven’t done any of this yet. I’m optimistic of my career goals, but I’m not there yet. I want to have kids, but not right now. I would love to build a house, but not in this market.
But then, I breathe. I go to a special place, whether that be the mountains or my couch with Harry Potter playing. I step back and remember, these aren’t my goals right now. My goals are different, but are still valid.
Right now, I want to explore the world with my husband without being tied down to a job or career. I want to go out with my friends and take my dogs on spontaneous camping trips. And I definitely can’t buy a house with so many unknowns in the future.
My goals are different, but they are still happening. They may also be smaller, but they are still being sought. I encourage everyone to do this. Find yourself and be true to your goals for who you are right now.
Follow Through On Yourself
So, you’ve found you. Or, you’ve at least figured out how to do that. Once you start this journey, its important to follow through. It’s like a diet. If you are consistent, you will see results. But if you try it once and then go for two weeks without using it, then fast results will not occur.
So how do you follow through to make sure you remember who you are?
There isn’t one right answer to this, because every person is different and will have unique ways to stay connected with their peace. For me, I journal or play music. Journaling allows me to remember my thoughts as I’m thinking them, which helps my recall when I’m trying to decipher why I’ve had a bad week or have been feeling off. I also play music when I just feel like I need to hear something beautiful. I don’t even play that well and sometimes I don’t sing with the guitar either, but even just plucking some strings in harmony or strumming the notes in slow motion can ground my brain with it’s beautiful hums.
For other people, maybe working out gives you a time to contemplate your thoughts and lifestyle. Or maybe you need something more stimulating, like drawing or knitting or some other craft. The point is, find what works for you.
Every person is unique in what makes them feel quiet and tranquil, and how they reach that state. Really, it’s like a meditation. It should be a time for you to be you, and nobody else.
I would also recommend trying to do these things alone at times, but sometimes that isn’t feasible or people prefer not to be alone. That’s okay, too.
I prefer to be alone to write or strum, but that doesn’t stop me from finding my peace when my husband is around. If he is there then sometimes we will go on a walk together or just listen to music.
Now - Be You and Go Live.
So, I guess there aren’t a ton of steps to this whole defining your own timeline thing. Really, it comes down to finding yourself and figuring out what you want. It comes down to separating your thoughts and ideals from those around you, and that can be a lot harder than it sounds. Sometimes it’s easy to ignore our true desires if it means pleasing our loved ones, but most of the time, it will actually be us finding our own way that makes them truly proud and happy.
It’s time to learn who you are, if you’ve forgotten or perhaps need a reminder. For me, I like to reset by hiding away in the mountains for a weekend, breaking out the guitar (even if I’m just fumbling around with the strings), or I put away my phone if its specifically the state of the world that’s hindering my view of peace.
Because that’s really the goal here. Once you figure out that you aren’t on anyone’s timeline but your own, it gives you an overwhelming sensation of peace. So go - be free and find your peace.
Dumbledore Said It Best
“For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own. Let them swim in the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud.”
— Albus Dumbledore // J.K. Rowling
© 2022 Robyn