How Do You Deal With Neglect; Being Shunned and Overlooked?

Updated on February 1, 2018
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

How many times have you heard, oh, if only, and this one: if I had this or that, things would be better? At one time or the other, I've heard both phrases, and depending on the physical pain I suffer from Fibromyalgia, these phrases can cause me to turn sick. I am just trying to be diplomatic.

Which person is being shunned, neglected or overlooked?
Which person is being shunned, neglected or overlooked? | Source

Now on Other

days, I am fine if "fine" means that I do not cause anyone any trouble or cause them to trip and fall two stories, that is my definition of my being "fine."

If you want to break from reading, I have a suggestion: look at the photo above and look at carefully. First, count the number of people in the photo. Second, pick out the person whom the others had rather see them heading for home. Not easy, is it?

Some Psychological games are designed to "not" be easy. I remember several years ago, I was told by one of my doctors, to "take our test" and we will evaluate your input in Society. I was really excited. I was so anxious to take the test until I read the first question, "are you happy, happier or happiest when you are alone in a room?" Now, you go and answer "this" question. I answered "happier" and when the doctor gave me the test score, I looked and found that I had failed the first question. But my life was still the same. So my wife and I gave our thanks to the doctor and went to eat.

See How Cleverly

I lead you to continue read, but keep in mind the question about me and the three congutation of my being happy.

For me, being shunned by obviously-friendly people and relatives have always been real problems for me. I have tried several ways to cope with these attacks, for lack of a better word, and I have read several papers with the writer having a certain degree of Psychology that I thought might be of help to me. I failed, but got up, relaxed and continued my quest to find out about "happy" in just the present tense being fine by me.

I want to share two situations that will cover how sometimes I have been shunned and the other situation about how I was purposely neglected. Both, to the people with average IQs, can be very discomforting.

One time while sitting in a doctor's waiting room, two patients, one on each side of me, were having a conversation in front of my own two eyes. After a reasonable length of time, I said: "excuse me. If you like, I will sit somewhere else and let you two have more ease to continue talking." One of these people replied somewhat sharply, "did you say something?" That person and the other person and myself looked at each other and they continued to talk. Figure this one out, gang. Would you think that what happened to me was the "talkers" shunning me?

The second event was rather hurtful, but not on my part. Several years ago, I was attending a family reunion and after I had made my rounds to speak to all of those I knew and introduced some relatives who I didn't know, but introduced myself to them, I sat down in the middle of a group of close relatives and just sat and listened to all in the group contribute on the one topic that they were talking about.

Prior to me sitting down, all in this group smiled and asked (using my first name) how I was doing, but in the next half-hour, I had somehow disappeared. I was not going to blurt out something of interest to the subject being discussed, and since the people were my seniors, I showed them courtesy and respect and in that half hour, I was not asked to talk about anything the group obviously were well-versed in what they were talking about, and no one even as much pretended to be friendly to me. I became quite anxious. I felt a panic attack coming on, so I started doing some shallow breaths not to cause a stir among the conversationalists. I didn't know whether to stay or go somewhere else or just head for home. I was scared. Really scared.

Would you label me in "this" situation as being shunned, overlooked, or neglected? You can only name one. (Aren't you thrilled that I used Real Life situations?)

Speaking of all of these feelings of being shunned, neglected, or overlooked, everyone has felt these things at one or the other. I have and still do at times even right now. So I am asking YOU, how would you have handled my Two situations? I am really serious. I want your input.

Thank you for taking time to read my narrative and I look forward to reading how you feel.

Just for fun . . . .

if someone laughs at you for tripping, do you . . .

See results

Questions & Answers


      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      • kenneth avery profile image

        Kenneth Avery 2 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Hello, to faith-hope-love -- I love your way of thinking. Thanks for the valuable advice.

        And thanks, Mr. Happy, for your very enlightening comment and your remarks.

        I appreciate you all very much.


      • kenneth avery profile image

        Kenneth Avery 2 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Dear Kari -- I agree with your strategy about what I should have done while in the waiting room. That gesture would have spoken in volumes. Thank you so much.

        I thought about moving on the other side of the waiting room, but did not want to hurt anyone's feelings.

        I should be much tougher.

        Thanks, Kari, for the great input. Write me anytime.

      • kenneth avery profile image

        Kenneth Avery 2 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Hey, Mona -- you and I have a lot in common. I get very anxious and have panic attacks like you, but only when I am in a huge crowd. I break out in a cold sweat and I can actually hear the people's teeth clinking when they talk.

        Thanks for sharing your ailments with me.

        Write me anytime.

      • kenneth avery profile image

        Kenneth Avery 2 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Hi, Jennifer --now listen, My Good Friend. My narrative is definitely NOT to or about My Wonderful Followers. The two situations in this piece are tough if you put yourself in the shoes of the one being neglected or talked over.

        Please do not think for a moment that was writing about you or My Followers.

        I see what you mean by "tricky."

        Thanks for your input and write me anytime.

      • kenneth avery profile image

        Kenneth Avery 2 months ago from Hamilton, Alabama

        Mr. Happy -- ahhh, yes. Your comment shows me how observant you are. Thanks for the correction, but I did not take the photo--it was on pixabay.

        Thanks and write anytime.

      • Mr. Happy profile image

        Mr. Happy 2 months ago from Toronto, Canada

        Sorry, me again - gotta make a correction about the guy "supporting his head with his hand". There are two of them. I was talking about the one on the left of the photo: he's the one who looks half asleep. The guy on the right, supporting his head with his hand is doing so, in more of a "thoughtful" manner. Like the statue of "Ganditorul" ("the Thinker"). I'll put a link to it:

      • Mr. Happy profile image

        Mr. Happy 2 months ago from Toronto, Canada

        "pick out the person whom the others had rather see them heading for home" - The guy supporting his head with his hand, he's gotta go. He's basically half asleep anyway lol jk : )

        "are you happy, happier or happiest when you are alone in a room" - Well, we don't have enough details here. Is this a jail room? Is this a room where Kim-Jong Un is about to walk in? Is this a room full with cakes and it's all for me? lol The Devil's in the details, as they say. (I like details.)

        "continued my quest to find out about "happy" - What would You like to know? Haha ... "Happiness is over-rated", that's the title to a book by Angelo Belliotti. Give it a look if You wish. I think it can help.

        "I started doing some shallow breaths" - Try doing Pranayama in the morning. It will certainly help (with many things). It's gotta be done properly though.

        Man ... when I trip I nearly die laughing. I just crack myself up when I trip. Usually, the harder the fall the harder the laugh lmao : )

        "Would you label me in "this" situation as being shunned, overlooked, or neglected?" - That's just your perception and unless You asked those people there, in that circumstance those questions, You will never know. All You can do, or we can do is make assumptions.

        People talking around me and not including me in is fine. If I have something to say, bet your last dollar that I'll say it but I am usually the guy sitting on the side just watching. I like observing things and will only talk if I feel that I have to. I'm heavily introverted though so, I could care less about anyone talking to me, or not. I am happiest when I am alone, in the Forest preferably: the lone Wolf.

        On another note, You're like a writing machine: I can't keep up lol I do very much enjoy your "thoughts on paper". Thank You kindly for those and all the very best to You!

      • profile image

        Faith-Hope-Love 2 months ago

        I have been in very circumstances. In the beginning I was very uncomfortable. Now, I give it a few moments and then move. If I am in a situation where they are talking over me in a waiting room I stand up and say "You folks seem to have a good conversation going why don't one of you change seats with me and have a more private discussion. I do get some weird looks but most times one of these boors will take my seat. I then sit in the vacated seat.

      • k@ri profile image

        Kari Poulsen 2 months ago from Ohio

        In the first situation I would have just moved without asking. I find it very uncomfortable when this situation happens. I think it would be polite if one of the two moved so you would not be in the middle. I find what they did to be extremely rude. In the second situation I would have gotten up and found someone friendlier. I've had that happen to me also. It makes me feel as if I'm an intruder. I do not like to feel that way, so I move.

      • grand old lady profile image

        Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 2 months ago from Philippines

        Hi Kenneth, I just read up on fibromyalgia, and it sounds terrible. It must be very hard to deal with, and I hope you are getting regular treatment for it. It can really overwhelm you and since it happens consistently, it is truly a difficult dragon to slay. You always write inspirational articles, and I admire you for that -- more so because you are battling this condition.

        I have experienced the first example you posed, of people talking over you, and I think maybe it was more of being overlooked than shunned. As an Asian, I experienced this a lot when I lived in the US and Europe in my younger days.

        For the second example, I agree with Jennifer Mugrage. When you come from a big clan, stuff like that really happens.

        I hate panic attacks. I also take big breaths when it happens. The important thing is, deep breaths really help. But it's hard to focus on your breathing when you're with a big group. It takes practice.

        I think the senior-seniors, because they are a different generation, really will have different experiences and memories that you won't be able to share, just like our generation (yours and mine) will have memories that millennials will probably not get and vice versa. So it could just be human nature.

        Like you, I just breathe and focus on breathing and in time the moment passes, or at the very least, breathing calms you down.

      • Jennifer Mugrage profile image

        Jennifer Mugrage 2 months ago from Columbus, Ohio

        Well this is a tricky topic.

        First of all, I hope you are not feeling neglected by those who Follow you on Hubpages. I would hate to think that all of those I follow are personally hurt unless I read and respond to every one of their Hubs! It is just doggoned impossible to keep up.

        About your two situations, the pair in the doctor's office were definitely being rude. You were sitting BETWEEN them and they were talking ACROSS you???

        As for the older relatives at your family reunion, it's hard to say. Perhaps they felt you were free to jump in with a comment at any time, and assumed that you knew this. Or maybe they just lacked the social skills required to draw people in to conversation. Or maybe they were operating from old-time values: "Children should be seen and not heard." It's impossible to tell without having been there, seen their faces, heard their voices, and maybe asked outright, but it doesn't sound from the story like they were trying to shun you. I am surprised that it caused a panic attack. In your Hubs you seem like such an easygoing guy. However, I also didn't know until this Hub that you have fibromyalgia - my sympathies! I guess there is a lot I don't know.

        I have weak social skills in person, and it's one of my fears that I will unintentionally hurt someone's feelings by something I obliviously do or don't do. "Neglect" is at the top of the list. It seems like in any social situation, any person could feel neglected at any time, when no one was meaning to neglect them, just clueless. Or they attribute motives when in fact the person just had a migraine, a bad day, or something heavy on their mind. I'm sure we can all grow in the skills of including, noticing, honoring and reaching out to others ... but let's also give others the benefit of the doubt.