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Jealousy Is My Disease: The Green-Eyed Monster That Is Destroying My Existence and Relationship

Charlotte likes pretty things, and she loves the beach, sushi, coffee and seashells.

Upset at significant other happily chats away with other females...

Upset at significant other happily chats away with other females...

Dating a Handsome Man

I have a boyfriend. He's handsome. He's great. Yes, he was a womanizer. Yes, he has been unfaithful to some of his significant others in the past. Yes, he is experienced, between the sheets, and yes, he has a voice that melts butter and skin that resembles the most perfect blend of coffee and milk. He's a gorgeous man, and amazing, but dating him has brought, to the surface, some horrible issues of jealousy and insecurities that have existed since I was thirteen. I realized that I may lose this man if I continue to act jealous and insecure. I realize that it's mostly my problem, and not his, so I have compiled a list of things I need to readily ACCEPT if I choose to continue this relationships with this particular man.

He WILL be exposed to X-Rated Material through Social Media

So I'm not comfortable with X-rated stuff online. In fact, my divorce in 2011 happened because my ex-husband was completely addicted to X-rated material online. He was consumed with it to the point that he could not exist without it. I have witnessed, experienced, and read about the damage that this 'stimulating material' could cause in relationships. It creates a mental and spiritual environment where reality isn't as good as fantasy, and the mind becomes addicted to that 'high' that exists in the fantasy world. It's almost like a drug. I talked to my significant others about the fact that I would prefer if he stay away from X-rated material. He mentioned that he used to have an addiction to that as well, and that while he didn't 'do the deed' while watching, he used it to stimulate his 'appetite' for his conquests later on. So of course, this made me nervous. If he is stimulated through this kind of risqué material, could he develop feelings of wanting revert back to his 'womanizer' ways? He loves YouTube. He mentioned that while he likes to watch exercise material on YouTube, provocative videos with attractive girls pumped with silicone doing Yoga show up. Of course, this is stimulating and attractive to him, I'm sure. He loves using WhatsApp, but the stuff his friends and family members post on their 'status' (similar to stories on Facebook or Instagram) usually include jokes that are based off X-rated material. They show women without clothes, and are usually degrading in nature. Sometimes the status that his friends and family post show women dancing seductively, wearing bearing dental floss, and then it goes on to the joke, if there is a joke existing at all. No matter what I say, wish, or desire, he WILL be exposed to this and he will, at times, enjoy it and there's nothing I can do about it. One time, he sent me a video of a very, very obese woman getting out of a pool and the tag line said: "Order your Christmas ham now!" And he mentioned that even though she was large, wearing a fruity bikini that was barely clinging to her body, she had a pretty face (like mine, he said). He forwarded me the video after a friend sent it to him. He also forwarded me another video, again, that a friend sent him, of an advertisement for a strip club. It featured women with large rears, shaking them, wearing thongs and I missed the joke because I was focused on how he sent this to me, knowing that I didn't like him being exposed to that kind of stuff. I tried to change my thinking to appreciate that he wanted to share this with me because it was funny. But I couldn't fully appreciate the fact that he shared this with me. But a hard truth is this: He WILL be exposed to this stuff through WhatApp by his friends, family, through status and stories, and on YouTube and Netflix and there's nothing, NOTHING, I can do about it.

He WILL Be Exposed to Attractive Women at the Gym, and He May Like It

I have been to the gym that my boyfriend works out at. The women there make sure to wear the tightest, tiniest, most attractive clothing they possibly can in order to get attention. I follow his gym on Instagram, and the daily videos they post of the workouts that they do make me feel uneasy, as most of the attention is on their rear ends on level of 'sexiness' as opposed to level of fitness. Following them on Instagram is probably just self-torture, as I know that the time he goes to the gym is the time when these women are doing their Zumba and loud exercises. With the gym, there's attractive women in little clothing, there's testosterone, and there's seductive videos on YouTube that my boyfriend is being exposed. It's a scary combination, but I understand how important it is for him to go to the gym. I can't limit him, or tell him to change gyms, or tell him what time to go to the gym. I can't because it's his right to go to whatever gym he pleases, and it's his right to look at, and possibly be stimulated by, whatever female he sees at the gym. I can't forbid him, and even if I did, he'll follow his gaze where eyes desire to look, regardless.

He WILL Find Other Women Attractive

Yes, he's an attractive man. I may look 'okay', but I definitely realize that there are beautiful women out there, and he notices. He loves curvy figures. In Hispanic culture, they may be known as 'gordibuenas'. This look describes women who are between thick and overweight, but not obese. They have hourglass figures, large rear ends, thick legs, and small waists. I'm considered obese. I have cellulite. I have stretch mark. I have scars from a botched liposuction job in 2011. I don't feel attractive. He has commented on attractive celebrities. He mentioned that I'm between 'curvy and fat'. In fact, right now, I'm wearing a waist trainer as I write this just to try to gain, and maintain, more of a curvy figure since I know that is what he desires. I know I need to lose weight to be more 'gordibuena' than on the 'fat' range. I even succumbed and bought a cellulite leg massage roller thing to try to get rid of my cellulite, as he mentioned that cellulite massages might help get rid of them. I feel that he likes the streamlined look of women with thick legs but without cellulite, as he has encouraged me to do more squats, daily, to try to get rid of the celluliate (if they bother me that much). They don't bother me too much, but I do know they are not attractive, and I do know that 'gordibuena' females don't have much cellulite like I have. Last night, as I rolled the cellulite massager against the back of my legs, I thought, "This hurts, but it's worth it." It does hurt. And I realize other women are attractive, and more so. I realize that on the spectrum of beauty, even if he tells me that I am the only women he loves, he finds other women attractive. When we are together, he looks at the 'gordibuena' women. He looks and even moves his head to continue looking for a bit longer. And yes, it hurts. But I realize that he's a man, and it's his nature, and if it hurts, it's MY problem, not his. Right? He once mentioned that he didn't like the new Beauty and the Beast movie because of the actress. I mentioned that maybe the actress wasn't very good because of the acting, but he mentioned that there are far more beautiful actresses they could have chosen to play her. So he finds other actresses beautiful. At this time, I really rather not find out who he finds attractive in Hollywood, or I KNOW that I will compare myself to her, and feel weird when I'm watching movies that star her with my boyfriend.

He WILL Have Attractive Female Friends

My boyfriend is a teacher. In his school, there are thirty-five women teachers, and six male teachers. Four of these male teachers are straight, the other are not. So there's a heavily imbalanced ratio of male to women teachers. This means that most of his colleagues and work friends are female. The ones I have seen him take pictures with on Facebook and the ones I know that exist are from all different ages and all walks of life. There is one teacher in particular that I will call Snake, and I'll dedicate a special section to her later on, as a hard truth I need to accept. Many of the teachers are attractive. Yes, I have looked them up on Instagram. The younger ones love to play up their cleavages on social media. Even though they are married, they love to talk to my boyfriend about their sexual lives, their sexual adventures, their relationship troubles and issues, and other material that I would consider "non-appropriate" for work, especially in a scholastic environment with elementary children. It's bad enough when I have seen social media posts with these females wearing skimpy bikinis at the beach or the pool during 'school-mandatory' events that my boyfriend has attended. I noticed that on his attractive female school friends he has put social media hearts and thumbs up of approval. I noticed that he barely put hearts or thumbs up on less attractive females. There' a teacher he works with, and when I looked through her Instagram, he 'loved' almost every single one of her pictures. He didn't put 'likes' or 'loves' on other posts that she included, like phrases, sayings or things with family. He most just liked her selfies. I questioned him once about it, and it was a big mistake. I feel he finds her attractive, and there's nothing I can do about it. Recently, he hosted a mother's day event for these teachers and it was an all day event. There was a pool and thirteen teachers got into the pool. Snake was there (we'll talk about her later) wearing a super skimpy red swimsuit, showing of her fair skin and implants. Other attractive teachers were also looking sexy and lively and my boyfriend was there, enjoying the view, I'm sure, in between acting as a host and waiter for the party. So yes, I have to accept that he has many, many female friend and that he may possibly find them attractive, and that many of his female friends are, indeed, attractive. I have to accept that, outside of me, he ENJOYS the company of his female friends. He ENJOYS conversations with them. He ENJOYS them, at the moment, and APPRECIATES them and their friendship. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's reality and it is his right as a human and a man. I need to suck it up.

He WILL Work With a Woman He Was Attracted To

My boyfriend and I started dating In May of 2018. He started working at his current school, as a teacher, recently. He had an attraction to a teacher I'll call Snake since January this year. She is Hispanic, but a bottle-blonde and with bosoms pumped with silicone. On her social media, she enjoys wearing completely skimpy clothes that show off her curves. He shared with me that they used to make perverted jokes with each other in a flirtatious way. He mentioned to me that he wanted to 'eat' her, which in his culture, means to have sexual relations with her. While we were dating, in May, she sent him nude pictures of herself during a Father's Day school event party to 'alleviate his boredom'. She had no shame in doing this, and no shame on what she shares on her Facebook posts. And she's a teacher for elementary kids! So, they had this huge attraction for each other, but supposedly never did anything. They still work together in the same school. She's very, very close friends with the female friends that he enjoys frequenting with at school. She sits near him sometimes, and has tried to talk to him. Supposedly, he has stopped talking to her about non-school related things, and he did remove her from Facebook because I nagged so much. But he did hurt me when he participated in a birthday celebration they had for Snake at the school. Even thought I asked, begged, him to please stay away from her, he participated in the event and was 'kind' enough to share the fact that he, indeed, did go and eat food and even sang the happy birthday song. I can't lie. I was completely hurt and felt betrayed. In fact, to this day, I wonder if he's still attracted to her. She's attractive, obviously, so he probably is attracted to her even though he loves me. I tried to convince him to go to another school, as a teacher, to get away from the noise in his neighborhood and the drama his work-friends create. Many of them know about his pasts, his secrets, and his divorces. But really, I just wanted him to get away from her, but he hasn't and I guess he can't. So I have to accept the fact that he works with her, in the same school, and that he is possibly still attracted to her even though he loves me. It's hard. I wish she would go away, but I can't do anything about it. I hate Snake. I hate that Snake was at the pool party, recently, for the Mother's Day event. I hate that she wore that skimpy red bikini. I hate that she looked sexy because I know that he saw her, and I know that he noticed, and I feel that there's still an attraction that exists, and it makes me sad. But what can I do? Nothing.

He WILL Be Exposed to Nude Women on Television and Movies

My boyfriend loves movies. In fact, I decided to share my Netflix account with him and he has really enjoyed it. Before Netflix, he mostly watched whatever was on the television. One of his favorite movies is Interview with a Vampire. We got into an argument over this movie, and it mostly revolved around the nude scene with the woman that they were 'violating'. It's disturbing. I know that he likes the movie because he feels it's a true 'vampire' movie. He doesn't watch it for that particular scene, but it's exists. I can say that I'm the kind of woman who has never felt comfortable with nude scenes or 'non-consensual' scenes during a movie, and much less with a significant other watching the movie with me. I'm not sure why, but I realize most women are comfortable with this, but I'm just not. I have tried, and have tried to seem 'cool' but internally, it fuels feelings that I hate and feelings that I fear. Some of the movies on Netflix have these kinds of scenes as well. And even though I advised him that I like to pre-screen sexual content in movies using a certain website, he mentioned that he's and adult, and doesn't need pre-screening, and that it should be used for kids. And he's right. He's an adult. What was I doing trying to act as some kind of moderator to what he watches? He mentioned that as an adult male, he has a right to watch whatever he desires, and he's right. I am NO ONE to tell him what to watch and what to avoid in movies. So somehow, I need to let that go and accept it as a hard truth: He will watch what he pleases, and Interview with the Vampire will remain a favorite movie regardless of the misogynistic treatment of women and fully nude female scenes.

He WILL Do What He Wants

My boyfriend is a man of free will. He chooses to love. He makes his own decisions. We have a long distance relationship, and we don't live together, so he has a lot of freedom when it comes to where he goes and what he does. As a man, ultimately, regardless of what I beg, please, say or desire, he will do what he wants. In the past, I have been jealous and insecure, and it has led me to behaviors that are considered controlling. With the father of my children (again, we divorced in 2011), he changed when he went to tech school for the Air Force. Or maybe he showed his true colors, I'll never know. We were married before he joined the Air Force, and I would call him every day. I would drive from Texas to Mississippi every weekend (while working full time and going to college full time) to spend time with him. I was jealous, yes, especially when he told me he would go to a place called the FishBowl where people were allowed to drink and men and women could mingle together. When he went, he would say that he was going in order to be the designated non-drinker that keeps things in place. I would beg him to please not find someone, please be faithful. And guess what? He ended up finding a tech school 'girlfriend'. They kissed, went on dates, he took her to the movies, walked her to her room. He probably had sexual relations with her, but again, I'll never know. So ultimately, he did what HE wanted, regardless of what I wanted. We can argue that my controlling behavior led him to cheat, but in the end, he made his own decisions to find someone else. Another boyfriend of mine, before he deployed, I had asked him to please not lie to me. I discovered him lying to me and we broke up shortly thereafter. He did as he wished, regardless of what I desired. I know that being in a relationship is a risk. I know that everyone will yell "Trust, Trust, Trust" as the best advice they could give. But what is trust? Is trust like faith, where you blindly follow something you can't see and have no evidence of? What is trust? I have no clue. My boyfriend used to say this: What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel. I had a hard time accepting this in the beginning, but maybe it's true. I used to go through his phone and cull his social media accounts and his female friends, but really, all this is a waste of time and energy. He has been unfaithful to his partners in the past. He knows how to hide 'evidence'. He knows how to make secret folders on his phone. He's not a stupid man. He's very intelligent. So even if he had something to hide, regardless of his honied words and good intentions, he will know how to sweep the dust under the rug. In the end, regardless of what I want, he will do as his body, mind and spirit wishes, whether good or bad, and I have absolutely no control over that. Checking his phone and going through his social media with a fine-tooth comb won't change anything. It will only, and has, make things worse. If he wants to be a faithful boyfriend, he will. If he wants to be a different way, he will, and there's no amount of begging, I discovered, that will change a man's behavior. He will do as he wishes, and that's that. I have to accept that he's attractive and that women will flirt with him, and that his behavior towards theirs is completely his choice, and I have zero control over it. On the similar vein, he will do as he pleases regardless of what advice I share. I stopped sharing advice and will only offer it if he asks for my advice and input. Recently, he got a speeding ticket even though I told him to drive slow on his way home from a mini-vacation he went on. What good is my advice if he won't follow it? Again, I will not give unwarranted advice unless asked, because in the end, he will do what he wants, when he wants, and as he pleases to do, regardless.

He WILL Text, Share With, and Enjoy Other Women

Most, or at least half, of my boyfriend's friends are female. They are composed of teachers he has worked with, his brother's wives and girlfriends (and ex-girlfriends), ex-teachers he used to work with, or maybe females he had a crush on or considered dating. He mentions that he did not have sexual relations with any of the women on his Facebook, and that he deleted them after we started dating. I really have no idea, and I really will never know. I just have to take his word for face value. But if he wants them on there, who I am to ask him to remove them? On the day that my boyfriend picked me up from the airport, I discovered that he gave a ride to an attractive female friend, even though I asked him to please not drive women around in his car. He can't help himself, and he absolutely has to be there for a damsel in 'distress', so, of course, he went to her rescue...regardless of my request. Fine, that's his right. I can't ask him to not give women rides in his car just because of my insecurity. I tried it, and it failed, so I gave up on there. I noticed that on his phone, he had many back and forth voice-text conversations with another women. I noticed he was sending another women those 'winky-kissy' faces in a private Facebook chat. I noticed that he was liking pictures of female teachers he works with. All this made me feel more insecure and jealous. And yes, we did get into an argument about it, but in the end, I lose. I always lose. Why? Because the jealousy and insecurities are MY problem, and I translated my personal issues onto him, unfairly. He invited me to listen to the voice conversations he had with his female friend, but I refused. I knew that if I listened, the happy, smiling tone of his voice and whatever inside jokes they shared would leave me feeling mentally drained. I know when he posts status updates of himself, looking all handsome, women comment on it. When I was with him, women would comment on his handsome he looked, and he would reply with a smiley face that sunglasses on it, as if to agree with them. It's true. He's handsome. He has chiseled, Native-American cheeks. He has dark, mysterious eyes and skin the color of sun-kissed caramel. He is muscular and strong. He's a gorgeous man, and women have commented on it. So yes, he does, and has a right to, talk, text, share with and laugh with other women who are not me. This is definitely a truth I have to swallow, unwillingly, and accept. Other women exist - Not just me. Other women give him happiness - Not just me. He will invite women to his social media circles. He will add women on this WhatsApp chat app. He will like their pictures if he so desires. I am not the only woman in his universe, as many existed before me, and many will exist during our relationship. Their presence in his life is important to him, and I need to accept that. With this, I recognize that he does not have to share anything he does or says with this female friends. He doesn't have to share if he chatted with them through text or voice. He doesn't have to share if he hung out with a female friend, or talked about her relationship. He does not have to share if he laughed with a female friend, or gave her advice. He does not have to share if he hugged one of them, or enjoyed her company. He has a right to not share anything if he doesn't desire to, and I don't have a right to ask. He does not have to remove anyone that I request him to remove. My insecurities are my problem, not his and he shouldn't be tormented by the things that torment me. I have to accept that he WILL have to go to conferences and meetings and school-related events and that he WILL enjoy himself, laugh with other females, joke with them, enjoy their presence, and even possibly be around Snake and women like Snake.

He WILL Have a Preference in Women

My boyfriend likes Hispanic women that are fair-skinned with long, dark hair. He prefers round or heart-shaped faces and thick legs with small waists. I need to avoid tanning, as he prefers light skin. He prefers women between the spectrum of thick and overweight, as mentioned earlier. This is his preference. This is what catches his eye. In order for me to continue to have his attention, I need to keep my hair dark. I need to let my hair grow out. I need to wear a waist trainer in order to have better proportions. He likes a large rear end on a women. I need to try not to gain weight. I need to do more leg and oblique exercises. He mentioned that I would appear more beautiful if I didn't have tattoos because it would show more of my skin color. I, unfortunately, can not remove my tattoos because I have extensive work done on my arms, and a bow done on my sternum. He will look when we are in public. If a woman is thick and has a large rear end, I already know that he is looking. I used to look at him so that he was aware of it, but now, I don't bother to look anymore, or to make him aware that I know. I just accept it with my hands up in the air, waving the white flag of surrender. I have to maintain being his preference, or he may find something else that catches his attention. If he has a preference, I have to respect it and try to live up to it and not change in a way that will displease him. He did mention that he would like it if I dressed sexier while I was around him. I wasn't sure what that meant, as I like to wear dresses that have playful patterns. He wanted me to wear black, tight pants and form-fitting shirts in public while I'm with him. So I made sure to buy some black pant-leggings and some shirts that are form-fitting to wear while I'm around him. If the dress is 'too' short, he won't allow me to wear it in public, and again, I have to respect that. He did mention that he didn't want me posting pictures of my bathing suit on social media, so I don't. Not anymore. I'm not sure that's completely relevant, but it's absolutely true. I have to remember that he loves me, even if he finds other women attractive.

He WILL require Intimacy

He was a womanizer. He sought pleasure when he couldn't find it at home in both of his marriages. He had some remorse afterwards, and had spiritual battles within himself, but in the end, lust won until it destroyed his relationship with his wife and affected the relationship with his children. In both marriages, he mentioned that the wives became cold; they refused to be intimate with him. They stopped cuddling him, massaging him, intimately touching him and hugging him. They refused his gifts, they became hardened and one of his wives even refused to kiss him. He craved physical touch and intimacy, and ultimately, sought it. I know that if I am to be with him, I need to keep the relationship alive, physically, through touch. It seems that touch is one of his 'love languages'. I have never read that book, but touch may be a way that he shows and feels love. He mentioned that he has heard all the excuses: I'm PMSing. I have a headache. I just had my hair/nails done. I know that even if I may not want to engage in relations that day, I may have to or else I might risk losing him. I have to accept that he does have a high drive for intimacy. I have to accept that even though he's long distance, his word that he will remain 'faithful' is true. It has to be true, as it's a way I can show trust, right? To blindly believe that he will be faithful to me, regardless of the past. After all, it's unacceptable and wrong to hold someone's past against them, especially if they want to change and turn over a new leaf. If he does end up being unfaithful, I probably won't know because he knows how to hide it. And like he said: What the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel...right?

He WILL Need a Break From Me

Yes, I can be overbearing. We can go on and on about the nuances that affected me from childhood, and how those memories and experiences traumatized me and created the insecure, jealous woman that I am today. But we won't go into that. We will just focus on the fact that I am clingy and overbearing, and that I recognize that it's not attractive. Sometimes I feel strange if I noticed that he logged on his chatting app but hasn't messaged me, or worse, hasn't responded to something I wrote some time ago. I get even more hurt when I see he's logged into Instagram and Facebook and not messaging me. But I also realize that he needs a break from me sometimes. He doesn't always have something to say to me, and he doesn't always need to hear from me. He has a healthy social life. It would benefit me to also have one, but I don't have many friends due to aforementioned insecurity issues from childhood. I do know, for a fact, that I'm not the only female that gets disturbed, bothered and upset when their boyfriend is logged on social media but not responding to their texts. I only know this because I Googled something like: "Why doesn't my boyfriend message me if he's online?" Responses ranged from things like: He may be busy. He may not want to talk to you. He may not have something to say. Fine. He needs a break for me, and sometimes I can be predictable or boring and definitely too clingy. Sometimes, he leaves for the weekend to go to the jungle and spend time with his family. There is little to no signal there, and definitely no Wi-Fi. He can drive about 15-20 minutes to an area with signal, but he won't always do so because he's too busy enjoying his family and friends in the jungle, and I need to respect that and his time with them and his absence. I need to break away a bit and be less clingly and allow him room to breathe if I want this to work.

He WILL Sometimes Be Rude

I love when my boyfriend is romantic. Sometimes he sings or dedicates love songs to me. Sometimes he invents some amazing poetry that he says that I inspire. Sometimes he send a screenshot or image of me or us, and mentions how much he wishes we were together. One time he bought me a pair of shoes because the deal was to buy one pair and get another pair half off, or something like that. He bought me a cherry perfume, at the mall, on a whim. He whisks me away to my favorite restaurant in Panama everytime I go visit him. He can be extremely romantic. I hate, however, when I'm trying to be romantic and then he responds in a way that is cold and almost rude. It's not rude, per say, but more cold and non-feeling, and also robotic. I realize that he can't be romantic all the time. That must be exhausting, but he's a man with shifting daily feelings and sometimes he's frustrated or tired. When he's like this, he won't be responsive. When we do video chats, he may be more interested in what's on Netflix or the television and almost completely forget I exist. I feel kind of silly watching him sometimes when he barely glances at the camera to see me or talk to me. I just tell myself that he wants my company, from long distance, even though he doesn't want to necessarily talk. I should not correlate him needing a break with him not loving me. Sometimes it hurts if I send him pictures that I carefully took for him, and he ignores them or doesn't acknowledge them or barely say anything about them. When this happens, I have learned to cut back on sending pictures unless he asks for them. On a similar thread, I have to accept the fact that around his male friends, he may change and be less sweet and less romantic. I do remember a time when he gingerly touched my fingers while we were both sitting in chairs at his friends house. I remember the good, great, feeling of knowing that he wanted to touch me, even lightly, in front of his male friend. It felt special and I felt happy that he was not embarrassed to be with him, or touch me, in front of his friend. I can't get used to this though, but it was a good memory. It may not always be that way, as sometimes males, around other males, may act completely different and be less sensitive and sweet.

He WILL Spend Time on Social Media

My boyfriend uses WhatsApp for chatting. On WhatsApp, there's a section for updates that people post called Status. It's similar to Facebook And Instagram stories, as mentioned earlier. Since he has between three to five hundred friends and acquaintances as contacts, he gets tons and tons of status updates. When he's online, and I message him, and he doesn't respond, I know he's either culling through the status updates or chatting with someone else. Usually, it's the status updates, and since there are hundreds of them, he gets lost looking through them. In a way, this is part of his social life. Sometimes he spends a large amount of time on Instagram and Facebook as well. On Instagram he has close to 200 friends, and on Facebook he has around six to seven hundred. I have to admit, every time he adds someone new, I look through all his friends to see who it was, and it's usually a woman. I can't tell him this, or it will start World War Three. I made the mistake, once, of telling him that I saw a picture of Snake on Instagram on one of his female friend profiles, and he got so mad that he threatened to tell all his female friends to block me on Instagram. I was so embarrassed. I will never share something like that with him again. He didn't do it, but the threat was scary enough, and embarrassing enough, to learn to not share that kind of information with him again. You would think that it stopped me from looking up his female friends on social media, but I still continue to do this, unfortunately. Back to WhatsApp, ultimately, I have to realize that the status updates are an important part of his life, even if there are female friends sharing provocative pictures or male friend sharing X-rated content. There's nothing I can do about anything mentioned here, and I just have to accept it. WhatsApp statuses are part of his life and will continue to be so.

He WILL Be Around His Ex-Wife

My boyfriend had two sons with his ex-wife. The ex-wife wants him back in her life, but he says he is not interested. They were together for thirteen years, and he was unfaithful to her and apparently she nagged too much and didn't appreciate his gifts. There was a lot of tension and a lot of fighting and in the end, he left her for someone else. The Ex-Wife goes to the same church that my boyfriend's mother goes to. She's very involved in their lives, and sometimes she's invited to parties and events that my boyfriend is invited to. I have to get used to the fact that at time, he will be around her because he HAS to be...for the kids. My boyfriend's son is graduating soon, and wants his dad to be there. Since he's 15, he's maintained by his mom, the Ex-Wife, so of course, she will be there. And I have to be perfectly okay with this. I have an ex-husband as well, the father of my children, but he lives in a different state and I rarely see him. He drives down twice a year to see the kids for about a week, and then he disappears again. My boyfriend's Ex-Wife lives near him, in the same, small country, and regularly goes to the family events. It's inevitable: They may cross paths more times than is comfortable for me, but I have to be understanding, because they have children together.

Huge Pills to Swallow

In the beginning, I tried to fight these things. I tried to fight for myself, for what I believed in, for what I wanted and for what I felt I desired. I realized that I was losing this uphill battle and I was fighting too hard for things that I couldn't win. I am trying to be a better person, for him, by being more accommodating and understanding. I am trying to accept his female friends. I am trying to be okay with his absences and his occasional coldness. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that my body isn't exactly the way he prefers. I'm trying to change so that I'm less clingy. Maybe 'fake it 'till you make it' works for confidence and trust. Maybe my cellulite will go away if I push that massage cellulite remover thing deeper into the back of my thighs tonight, and every night thereafter.

I'm looking forward to the end of the day when I can finally take this waist trainer off. It hurts.

© 2018 Charlotte Doyle

Comments

dashingscorpio from Chicago on December 19, 2018:

Everyone needs to accept the fact that their mate is going to be "exposed" to other attractive people in the world. In fact each of (us) lives on the same planet and have just as much exposure as anyone else. Just because you have a nice home or a nice car doesn't mean you don't notice or appreciate the beauty of other homes and cars. The same holds true for people.

"God grant me the serenity. To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference." - Reinhold Niebuhr

The crust of the problem is having negative self talk and beliefs.

"I don't feel attractive." Having self confidence/self love is on you.

There are enough people willing to put you down without you putting yourself down. Remember each time you put yourself down on some level you're telling yourself and your boyfriend he shouldn't be with YOU or he deserves to be with someone else better looking.

Instead you should be focusing on what he found attractive about you and how you came to be a couple. Everyone has "options" but there is a reason why we say "yes" to someone and "no" to others.

You need to know that life is more than being in a relationship or marriage. Personal development and living a full healthy life also entails finding your passion in career, traveling, hobbies, establishing meaningful friendships and strong connections with family.

Truth be told when it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. Very few people hit a homerun their first, second, third, or fourth time up at bat. If this were not true we would all be married to our high school sweethearts!

Last but not least being extremely beautiful will not prevent a woman from being cheated on. Just ask: Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, Beyoncé, or Sandra Bullock.

They have all be cheated on in past relationships. Clearly a woman's looks alone is not what keeps a man loyal.

Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

And remember it's hard to be happy in the present if you're spending too much time on what might happen in the future.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.