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Forgive or Forget: Which Comes First?


Writing is his passion. It is his way to speak to and inspire the world.


It was all dark. It was vast. No matter how I ran, I could not reach an end. My heart was throbbing. Sweat was an outpour.

Heeelllppppp! I only heard echoes of myself. I was helpless!

So, I sat down, embraced my legs, bowed my head, and rested my forehead on my knees. I was sitting like a fetus for a moment.

Suddenly, a light beamed on me. It was shimmering. So, I got up. Then approached the shinning object.

It was a mirror, surrounded by lights. Then, I came closer and saw myself. And, there were scars, wounds, blood dripping!

I was startled!

Then I woke up! Panting!

The Scar

Of course, we all know what a scar is, right? And I wanted to share two types of it. First is the healed one. But it remains there on your skin. Even when the incident happened a long time ago, the story is something you can recall when someone would ask. In other words, you did not forget what happened; however, you were alright talking about it - no more pain remembering it.

On the other hand, there is a scar that appears healed on the surface. But there is still a wound underneath. For instance, after someone undergoes abdomen surgery, the skin heals quickly while the deeper tissues take a little bit longer to heal. So, there is still the pain despite the healed surface.

Why am I sharing this?

Forgive and Forget or Forget and Forgive?

Forgive and Forget Versus Forget and Forgive

It is a common debate amongst us. And the two scars that I shared represent these two situations. The first one suggests the forgive-forget thing. You got hurt emotionally; as a result, there was a wound. But you forgave, so the wound got healed. And whenever someone would ask you about it, you were okay to talk about it or even laughed remembering it, while the forget-forgive was when you forced yourself to be okay. You appeared you were fine. You laughed about it among your friends. But when everyone went gone, you would end up crying in the corners of your room because you pretended to be alright and have moved on. Yet, deep down, there was still pain. You have never forgiven what and who have pained you.

But let me ask you this: Does forgetting do exist?

Well, if it was something that pained and made a scar on you, it was hard to tell about forgetting. The scar was the memoir of what had happened. No matter how much you tried, it would tell a story to you. But that story should not pain you anymore. Instead, it would make you stronger, wiser, and braver. Stronger to move forward no matter how tough it is, wiser to make better decisions, and braver to take the right actions.

So to end the debate, let me share my friend's thought (Zuzzette & Decelou): Forgive but not forget, especially the lessons from such a painful experience. And the one from Menchie, i.e., forgive, don't hate, move on and learn.

And as for me, forgive the person, heal the pain but never forget the learning. It was just a combination of all their answers. But sorry, I cannot mention you all. Anyway, thank you for your responses.

Why am I Talking about Forgiving?

I was not sure about what happened with you the past year. But I think this year, you need to unload yourself from the burden of the pains you have inside. It will not be easy, but it is possible if you open your heart to forgiveness. So it is time to forgive.

Don't Waste Time Feeling Hurt!

Who are The People You Need to Forgive?

It is time to forgive the people who have hurt you in any way. Whether they apologize or not. Let yourself heal and free yourself from the bondage of hatred and pain. As a line from a song: Don't waste time feeling hurt! Can we still be friends?

Not necessarily. But when you meet, there should be no more pain. Just act civil. I mean, treat him like any other human beings but not necessarily become friends.

Most importantly, it is time to forgive yourself. I am not sure what to say exactly, but these thoughts might help. We make mistakes and wrong decisions, but they help us to learn and become wiser. Also, it is not your fault. There are just things we did not see them coming. Also, there will be people who have different views from ours. They, too, are entitled to their own opinion as you do. Just give way and respect if winning an argument does not make you rich. Lastly, there will be people who will say against you. Don't prove them wrong by confronting them. Show it by your works and let the results prove them wrong.

Indeed, it is time to forgive.

When is the Best Time to Forgive?

So, when?

When you already accept what happened. Or, it can be after you have expressed your anger and sentiments. Sometimes, it is when you can humble down your hurt ego. Or, you see the person suffering too. Maybe, when you hear him say sorry to you or you apologize to him too.

The answer is I don't know because only you know.

But this question might help: Do you want to live a light-weight journey through 2021?

Then, just forgive.

© 2021 Jason Behm


Jason Behm (author) from Cebu, Philippines on January 25, 2021:

Thank you so much. I also hope a lot will read this and somehow let them think as well and eventually convinced them to just forgive the people who hurt them or ask forgiveness to the people whom they hurt.

Jason Behm (author) from Cebu, Philippines on January 25, 2021:

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about the topic. True it is really hard especially if the intensity of the pain it has caused is great. But let us just pray that healing will come soon.

Jason Behm (author) from Cebu, Philippines on January 25, 2021:

Thank you for your comment. It is an inspiration for me to write more.

Jason Behm (author) from Cebu, Philippines on January 25, 2021:

Thank you so much for this lovely take. All love to you my friend.

Chitrangada Sharan from New Delhi, India on January 24, 2021:

A thoughtful article, well made points, and makes sense to me.

Honestly, the scars remain there, if not in appearance, it’s there in the mind and heart. Having said that, I agree with you that it’s wise and good for our own selves, that we should forget and forgive or forgive and forget. Been there, done that.

Many thanks for sharing this insightful article. I hope many read read it.

Thank you.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on January 24, 2021:

It is hard to forgive some things, least not forget them.

I will always carry scars on my heart, but I can move past them.

Forgiving others kinda comes naturally for they no not what they do.

Nor the intense pain they have left on my heart...but i remember.

Intriguing thoughts.

Rosina S Khan on January 24, 2021:

A wonderful and intriguing article. I am inspired to forgive the people who have hurt me in the past. Thank you for sharing, Jason.

manatita44 from london on January 24, 2021:

A lovely thought-provoking piece and with many ways of looking at it, I'm sure.

If I thought of forgiving people, of a 'them and me', kind of thing, well, I need to search really hard. The moment I feel that it is I, that need forgiveness, then it becomes really easy. I'm trying to transform my own nature.

Who will forgive me, if I do not forgive myself first? No one can. Love is waiting for me to open the door, so that she can come in.

Just my take, but your article is beautiful and inspirational and a great start! Much Love.

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