Anti-Father's Day

Updated on January 1, 2018
That Grrl profile image

Laura believes holidays and events should be celebrated whether you are alone or with family & friends. Celebrate yourself & being alive.

It's Not About Bashing Men, or Fatherhood

Note: I'm not writing this to bash men or protest Father's Day. This is not anti-Fathers, it's just about Father's Day and giving some space to people who don't have the same appreciation for Father's Day which will be promoted all over the place, online and offline, over this weekend.

Some people will be feeling sad to have no Father around for Father's Day tomorrow. I won't be one of them. My Dad is dead, about 6 years ago I think.

We didn't get along. I was a kid at the time so it really was his choice. Like most family relationships, it's complicated and I never felt ok with him not really liking me until after he was dead. I don't want to go into more detail about our relationship. But, I did think it would be nice to share what I have felt and thought and concluded about the Father-less Father's Day for people like myself.

My Own Anti-Father's Day Story

First of all, I don't miss my Dad. I do think it's sad he isn't still here - for his own sake. At the time he died I didn't feel much of anything. I thought I should at least be sad and later I was. Actually sad, not faking it or trying to make anyone else feel good. I didn't understand my sadness. Wasn't I finally able to get out from under his influence? A friend told me I was probably feeling sad because now nothing could ever change. He could never change. He could never tell me he didn't mean the stuff he said. He could never have a pleasant conversation with me. He could never do a single thing to make things better, or even different from what they were.

Anyway, that is something I think about this Father's Day. I feel sad for him to not be here (for his sake) and I feel sorry (for him) that nothing can ever be any different. He won't ever have a loving daughter and I won't ever have a Dad I want to spend time with on Father's Day.

Having a Father-less Father's Day

If you have a Father-less Father's Day you may just ignore the whole weekend and go on as if it were no special day at all.

I don't think you should. Whether you liked your Father or not, he was still someone in your life. Whether he left you with good feelings or no feelings at all, you don't really and truly forget him. I don't think we even want to forget him. He will always be some part of who we are.

Do something he can't do. Go out and enjoy your day. Take a walk, get a latte, buy a new book, play with your own kids (if you have them).

Maybe You Should Call Him?...

When someone tells you they don't get along with their Father, especially over this Father's Day weekend, don't suggest they call him. Don't make it seem that things can all be patched up and worked out like in some movie.

Life isn't like a movie. Don't make people feel their feelings are not valid just because they don't fit into the sunny side of life.

Not every situation can be worked out by sending a Father's Day card. Not everything can be forgiven or accepted just because of a phone call.

Don't give free advice and ignore the real feelings people have had.

Anti Father's Day eCard

Source

Am I Angry?

Not so much. I think the anger burnt out long ago. I resent him. He left me with a lot of baggage.

But, it takes a lot of energy to carry around anger and hate. So I just don't bother.

It makes my life that much simpler.



I haven't found anyone else writing about Father's Day for people who didn't like their Dad. I guess we are just supposed to quietly not talk about it. Well, I'm talking about it. I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.

World's Worst Dad (A bit extreme).

The original button is no longer available, but the sticker is.
The original button is no longer available, but the sticker is. | Source

Comments

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    • profile image

      Hmm 

      3 months ago

      If you aren't angry then why say anything at all?

    • That Grrl profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Brown 

      6 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      I posted it with the idea that others who aren't so happy on Father's Day would not feel they should pretend or fake it.

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 

      6 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      This is a good hub and your observations that people should not press others to pretend they have a "happy father relationship" to celebrate is spot on. I am sorry your father was so much less than he could have been, but I am glad that you have been able to leave most of your anger and resentment behind. I also think your Hub has probably spoken to people who aren't comfortable with their feelings, and in that way you have helped them.

    • That Grrl profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Brown 

      6 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      I don't know why your friend would put the receipt inside. I'm missing something no doubt. I always bought my Dad a Father's Day card, from my earliest days up until I was in my 40's when I realized how he really didn't care and how the whole thing was only making me feel unhappy, so there wasn't any good reason to continue.

    • That Grrl profile imageAUTHOR

      Laura Brown 

      6 years ago from Barrie, Ontario, Canada

      Thank you for your comments.

      I used to buy my Dad a card for every birthday and Father's Day. He would open them, read them and leave them on the table. At home they would sit on the table for days or weeks. Then my Mother would end up using the card when she was sweeping up the floor and it would be in the garbage with the crumbs. He never gave me a birthday card.

      Anyway, the issue isn't about cards. I just thought about how a Father's Day card is something most people take for granted. I love giving cards to people but I'm a lot more careful about who I give cards to. I like them to be appreciated rather than discarded along with all the time and enthusiasm I was feeling about getting just the right card and writing just the right thing inside it.

    • crazyteacher profile image

      crazyteacher 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      Excellent hub. Though I have a great dad, I have friends who were not so blessed. Some spend today sharing with the dad that raised them refering to the other simply as the sperm donor. Some share it with their husbands who are now dads to their kids. Some find solice in God being their dad, but I think u shared an important insight...sensitivity to those around us. Until reading your hub, I honestly hadn't thought about it

      this way. Thanks for the insight! I hope u have a wonderful Sunday!

    • Natashalh profile image

      Natasha 

      6 years ago from Hawaii

      I knew someone who would buy a card on April Fool's for Father's Day and mail it with the dated receipt inside. I think you two would get along well!

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