I have been a lot of serious and casual relationships. Lack of trust and intimacy just hurts both people involved. Trust me, I know.
Differences don't have to break you apart.
I understand that there are people in the world who don't believe in love. There is no shame in that whatsoever as everyone is entitled to their own feelings. Even if you are someone who doesn't believe in love, you should still listen to what I have to say. This knowledge can also be applied to any meaningful friendships you make throughout your life. Are you in love with your partner? Are you in a relationship at all? If you are, then can you honestly say that you trust your partner? Do you know that your partner trusts you? All of these questions can be answered if you and your partner are open with each other. Let me tell you the things you can do so that your partner knows that your connection is solid.
You have to stop and think before you keep secrets. When someone keeps something from you, it hurts. We as humans always want to know everything. Constantly keeping everything from your partner is both disrespectful and pointless. The whole point of a relationship is to be close to someone; sharing deep information and telling the truth always brings you closer to someone. If you lie to your partner it breaks their trust in you and the more you do it the less they trust you. For example, if you want to go out with your friends, you do not have to ask your partner for permission. If your partner ever makes you feel like you have to have their permission to do things then that is a huge red flag. But what you do need to do just for common decency is to tell them that you are going out with your friends. Let them know what time you're leaving and let them know approximately what time you think you'll be home. That way they just know what's going on and they don't have to be sitting up at night worried about you because you aren't answering their calls or messages. Lying about going with your friends is disrespectful because that shows you have no regard for your partner and the fact that they deserve honesty. On another note you should try to answer your phone when they are trying to get a hold of you. If you don't know about their calls or texts because you aren't near your phone or your ringer is turned off then that's one thing. But if you know your partner is trying to get a hold of you then do not ignore them; do not send them to voicemail. What if it's an emergency? What they are hurt or someone important to you guys is hurt? Ignoring your partners attempts to reach you is very suspicious and might make them think you're doing something bad even if you aren't. Why cause that unnecessary conflict? Just be honest with your partner and at least try not to leave them worrying about you.
The second best thing you can do is let your partner know about the things that are hurting you emotionally. Their job is to listen to you and help you through whatever your troubles are. If you don't open up to them then how can they help? Now depending on whatever is wrong with you, you might be quick to say "They can't help." But don't say that, don't even think it. Maybe they can't help you, but they definitely can't if you don't give them a chance. Also, don't think to yourself that your problems are stupid or that they aren't valid because they are. Your problems matter and so do you, or at least that's how your partner feels if they really care about you. You know, you should ask yourself why you don't want to open up to your partner. What are you afraid of? If you're afraid of being judged or even made fun of yourself then obviously something is very wrong. Be careful with that negative thinking as it could drive your partner away. Cognitive distortions are exaggerated thoughts or feelings you might have towards a certain person or situation. You think or feel things that aren't necessarily true; usually things or people may seem more negative to you than they really are. If you are insecure or have a lot of sadness and pain built up inside of you, you might project that negativity onto you partner. A good example is constantly accusing your partner of cheating or lying in some other way even without any proof or anything triggering those thoughts. The best thing you can do is talk things out with your partner so you both can know what's really going on. If you don't talk to them, then you both will be in a lot of emotional pain and the whole relationship will be ruined.
Finally, what is quite possibly the most important thing in a relationship is to enjoy your time together by expressing your love and affection. You can do that through emotional affection and physical affection. You might ask what both of these mean. What do they involve? Emotional affection is all about how you talk to your partner and the things you do for them. It can range from giving them a compliment to giving them a gift. It doesn't take much to tell your partner they look good or you enjoyed the meal they cooked for you. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be a special occasion for you to get your partner a little gift. If she likes flowers, you could get her a bouquet of her favorite ones. If he has been saying lately he needs a new watch, you could go get him one. Giving your partner things just because you want to really shows them you care; and it doesn't matter how much money you spend, it's about the fact that you gave them anything at all. I want to say that there is no right or wrong way to express emotional or physical affection, different couples like different things. You just need to communicate with your partner and see what works for both of you. Now with all that being said, everything in relationships must be done in moderation. You do not have to tell your partner every single solitary detail about your personal business, not even when you're married. Some things you don't have to tell them. For instance, if you're like me then for some reason you don't like it when someone asks you about your day. I can't even fully explain it. I just don't like to talk about my day. I guess on some level I just like to leave school/work at school/work and once all that is over I don't want to think about it; I just want to be in the relaxing mindset immediately. Why that is such a big deal, I'll never know. So if your partner asks you how your day went and you don't want to talk about it, that is your right and it doesn't make you a bad person; and if you just do not want to talk about something that is hurting you, then it's in your partner's best interest not to push you on it. You should be honest with them but they should also respect your boundaries, especially when they can clearly see just how much it is hurting you for them to push you on something. Also, don't feel like you need to smother your partner to death with affection and quality time. There is such a thing as too much affection for some people, especially those that might be sensitive to being touched. Time alone is essential for everyone even those who think they don't need it. The biggest reason being that everyone can always be their most true self when they are alone. People can also get a sense of comfort and enjoyment from spending time with friends that a partner just can't give them. As long as you and your partner can always comfortably come back to each other then it's okay to have time away.
In conclusion, if you want a relationship to work, you have to trust each other, communicate, listen to each other and make each other feel loved. It won't be easy, but if you really love each other, it will be worth it. Those beautiful moments where you both feel genuine happiness will be what gets you through life no matter how miserable it might be. Hold each other and never let go. Trust me on this.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2022 Hayden Reese