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Do More Than Exist

What does that mean? Do more than Exist.

This statement has been my Facebook headline photo for as long as I can remember. Ive always loved it because when I was younger it was the banner to the life that I was inevitably going to live. I was meant for this great life, whatever that meant, and simply by me believing it, it would be so.

However, as I am sure you've guessed, Ive more or less out grown that view point. I still believe in that statement more than I've every really believed anything before, it's just that it means something a little different than it did before.

I am 27, and I have depression and anxiety. No, this blog won't be specifically about that but I think it's something necessary to know about me. These two things (lets call the depression SUSAN, and the anxiety CHAD. I read about someone using this technique to help deal with the depression and anxiety. Its just a way to personify the condition and therefore, hopefully, giving it less power. Being able to tell a person off is easier than telling off something that you can't see) definitely make everything less than desirable.

I recently lost my job. And I have been in the worst funk. I don't want to work, I don't want to try, I just don't want to. And everything seems like such a big hassle. And I know that this is the time to get up and do something. And I really want to, Ive got ideas, and books to read, being unemployed for a time can be a great thing is disguise. Ive been listening to some people that Ive been following on Facebook, instagram, etc. I actively avoided them because I kept saying I wasn't ready to change. Maybe I wasn't, maybe I was just avoiding, maybe Chad and Susan kept screaming things in my ears. Either way, when I turn to them and say "Shut the Fuck up for like two minutes would you?!" thats usually enough time to read and article or listen to a video.

Usually the articles or videos have something to say. Sometimes its great, other times its not. Sometimes hearing the same thing said by someone else makes the difference. (Ill go into this deeper later)

But what I believe was the most helpful thing was when I let go of that optimistic feeling. The one the people say they get when they are really inspired, that "Im unstoppable and nothing stands in my way" feeling. The one that somehow seems to lead these people on an incredible journey, that frankly seems to good to be true. Let me elaborate:

If you've ever watched Say Yes to the Dress on TLC, and every girl comes in and expects that when you put on a wedding dress that your going to get this over whelming feeling of excitement that you found your dress! Not all the girls do, and thats the thing. Sometimes, your not going to get that feeling about something. I definitely don't recommend giving up if you don't feel that way, even though staying when Chad is telling you to run can be the hardest thing.

I revel in not feeling anxious or scared about something, but Chad (and Susan to an extent) can be useful for obvious reasons. I love being at peace. And for me that's my crazy inspirational feeling, if you will. Peace. I can get things done in peace. I can make my giant leaps.

My dog. She always makes this face.

My dog. She always makes this face.

What Does That Mean To Me NOW?

It means a lot of things, and its an every changing thing. And that's the beauty, you can change and adapt as your life does.

It means:

  • I read more
  • Listen to the songs
  • Look up the facts I don't know
  • Dont hate doing my "Chores" ( you know, shit that needs to get done all the time)
  • That I can feel sad or anxious, but Chad and Susan don't prevent me from getting up and doing stuff.
  • Finally start DDP
  • I enjoy my dog more

The list goes on.

I don't have an answer, is ultimately what I am getting at. I'm trying to figure that out for myself. But please share with me all the way you Do More Than Exist!


© 2018 Amanda

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