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DMX: The Truth

X gonna give it to ya!

No shocker I was a kid growing up in the 90's and while I listened to a wide variety of music and musicians from country where I loved the Dixie Chicks and I was caught up in land sides waiting for a cowboy to take me away before I wished Earl good bye. I was also experiencing Armagedon and Going Crazy with Aerosmith. Yes, I was over there in Britney vz Xtina land. And I wanted the dance moves of Britney and the vocals of Christina Aguilera. There was also that side of my musical palette that loved and embraced hip hop for not just the stories but the raw gritty truth in them. Yes I had a whole TLC phase and I loved the female empowerment movement.

My freshman year in high school an loud and powerfully raw and gritty voice boomed on the scene. He had one of those voices where if you had your back turned to him in Walgreens and he spoke a single word you would know immediately who was behind you. He had his signature dog noises, which I felt denoted the bond he had with his dogs.

His dogs looked out for him and stuck with him in a way no one had or was able to since his beloved grandmother. For his fans we knew one thing about him was he loved his grandmother and many of us could relate to it. I remember him appearing on Iyanla Fix My Life, while he didn't get the fix he wanted. He opened up about the love he had for his grandmother.

He spoke about being her baby. It touched my heart because I can understand being grandma's baby because I was too. I could see the hurt in his eyes because when he lost his grandmother it seemed as if he felt like that part of himself was also lost. We all have an inherit need to be someone's baby. Sometimes I see that ache in my own daughter's heart for her beloved grandmother and i know that feeling all too well.

We talk about it and talk through the feelings and we always find a way to honor her. One thing I loved about Earl Simmons aka DMX is that he gave his heart and the truth. It didn't matter if the truth was good, bad, or indifferent. I think he did that because he truly wanted to be free from his demons. I remember the thing as a kid that stuck out about him was the raw truth but also the prayers he would do.

X had a way of using his rhymes to connect to real and raw pain and his prayers were so authentic because at the end of the day he was trying all he could to fight the demons of his childhood. He had a hard life. I watched a documentary, he was a part of I thought he needs his own a part from the Ruff Ryders story.

He never proclaimed to be perfect and he definitely voiced his humanity and his flaws. So to watch him over the years as I became an adult and so forth continue to battle this life long problem. I think we all as fans prayed and rooted for him to make it. DMX might not have been for everybody and that's totally fine, but I think we should always respect the fact that this man has living family and friends that are actively going through something difficult.

So many gather to pray for him at the hospital, at our own homes, etc. I think the 90's children are waiting and checking updates periodically because we really all want him to pull through. The last virtual big platform he was on was Verzuz by his friend Swizz Beats and Timbaland. He did a Verzuz battle/celebration with fellow rapper Snoop Dogg. It was full of 90's nostalgia. And the blast from the past was great!

To see DMX open with prayer and he weight on him. We were all so happy because it seemed as if he was in good spirits and committed to his sobriety. We all watched him eat his Now-and-Laters and drink his Kool-aid and we allowed Snoop and X to take us back to yesteryear. This battle was enjoyable from beginning to end.

I remember a few months before Kanye had a Sunday Service and I will admit I was very skeptical about what Kanye was doing, but when I head X was going to open in prayer. I decided to check it out if nothing else to hear X's prayer and see how he was doing and he did a phenomenal job. He also looked great and I left thinking X is waking deeper in his purpose!

So that Verzuz Battle gave us all an extra boost of confidence. Then when I saw the documentary and he went deeper into his pain and I saw the pain in his eyes, the shake in his voice, and the sorrow he projected as he spoke of what happened to him. I cried because I could tell the wounds were not healed but fresh on the surface. And the things he went through the torturous child hood and abandonment. Then a mentor taking advantage of broken little boy and placing a burden on him he would spend a lifetime trying to shake.

It was hard to watch and I remember praying for him as I watched him because I could see him still struggling so when my friend told me X forgave his mom last year. I rejoiced because I knew that was something he really needed to do. It seemed everything was on the upswing. There was the prayer at park and him popping up every place and his new baby being born and a new fiance.

I thought the best is yet to come so to hear he was on life support. It was like this can't be happening. My friend and I said a prayer and we both try to remain positive and hopeful because we both know God can turn anything around. While we prayed I saw a vision and he was lying in the bed with the monitors and he was not moving. I saw an older lady bent down to him and she was saying something to him. I couldn't hear it and that was it. I don't know if she was calling him home or telling him to fight.

All I do know for sure is this man is a one of a kind beautifully flawed artist. And he made an amazing mark on the world of music. His interviews were so animated at times and his stories would have you hooked. He tried his best to stay true to who he was in an industry that tries to change you to fit a mold.

He has gotten a lot of people to a great many things in their lives and he will be greatly missed. That is why we are all waiting, praying, and hoping that God allows him to pull through. I know there are some people who are going to judge him but I want to remind those no person walking this earth myself included is perfect. And give his family, friends, and fans the respect to not speak negatively because I'm sure they could use all the positive, love, prayers, strength, etc they can handle. Earl fight!

Deeper Behind the Pain

X on Dr. Drew

Mentor gone wrong.


According to people magazine sadly Earl DMX Simmons has passed. Hearts are heavy. Let us keep his family, friends, fans, and the entire hip hop community especially his Ruff Ryder Family in our prayers! Rest easy Earl!

Music with a Message

BET pays tribute to Earl DMX Simmons