Crying Is For Sissies: My Definition of A True Alpha Male and Positive Self-Affirmations to Help You Become One
Strong, Sexy, Silent Knights...My Weakness
How I Define A True Alpha and Positive Quotes and Self-Affirmations To Help You Become One
Ever since I was a little girl, I've always preferred the company of males over females. Not that I ever deemed either gender to be superior or inferior to the other; clearly, both sexes have their own unique qualities, attributes, and advantages, and can be a complement to both in many dynamic ways; and, whether or not either can be considered desirable or undesirable is all subjective, relative, and personal; however, being the utter weirdo I am, I've always felt I could relate to men on a far better scale than I could other women, and have always even envied men in many endless aspects. I dunno why, might be that I'd always wondered how it feels to go out in public completely shirtless with absolute impunity, to shave off this whole unmanageable mop I call my hair and go completely bald for a change, to take a razor and create a series of wicked designs with a beard or mustache or goatee and walk around feeling oh, ooo-la-la, I'm so kick brass and I'm so cool without somebody coming by in a big truck to ship me off to the nearest mental institution eventually.
For the sake of propriety, of course, I won't mention all the gross and pesky female stuff that causes me to feel so massively wussified on a regular basis, although all you ladies know only too well what I'm talking about...and, oh, that thing about whenever nature calls, guys can go to any corner they want while standing up and we gals have to look for a restroom or crouch in privacy and no fair, but, as they say, whining won't get us nowhere. I imagine there are traits about women that some men envy as well, and, as I've come to embrace my femininity, I've learned to accept and look forward to challenges, to see them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement and enlightenment, blahblahblah, etc. It's not like I'm freakishly masculine anyway, with plenty of jeans, sneakers, and guyish shirts in my closet and that I wake up every morning and I'm all like, "Hey, stupid world, and all of its lame inhabitants, I'm cooler and better than all of you, so bring it on!" and I do wear make-up once in a while buuut...
Uhhhh, duhhhh, okay, I do have plenty of jeans, sneakers, and guyish shirts in my closet and I'm always all like, "Hey, stupid world, and all of its lame inhabitants, I'm cooler and better than all of you, so bring it on!" every morning, and no make-up for me, not ever, (bleh), but the process of developing and learning can always be cool and self-affirming from the right perspective.
Case in point: working for upper body strength is in some ways more empowering and gratifying than in being naturally endowed with it; and, growing up trying to imitate my toughguy movie heroes, such as Mr. T., Robert De Niro, and Sylvester Stallone, instead of just being born naturally tough was pretty fun. I don't think I would have gotten turned on to cool scientific and mechanical stuff had I never watched Richard Dean Anderson's MacGyver or become interested in aviation upon seeing Mel Gibson's fine, sexy self in Forever Young...however I just don't remember where I picked up this silly business about walking around with a toothpick sticking out of my mouth..might be from this street maintenance job and other male-oriented occupations I used to participate in...sooo, while it's relief to know that not being a born toughguy is in zero way a tragedy, it also begs the question: are toughguys born or made?
Nature Or Nurture?
It runs even deeper than all of this, of course. Men have always been very beautiful, elusive, and innately powerful creatures to me, so much so, in fact, that I've always strived to emulate them whenever possible, and always welcomed the challenge; in a word, experience, particularly adversity, builds character.
Perhaps some toughguys are indeed born, but most, in my experience, are made. In many cases, it's a combination of both.
I don't know about anyone else, but I tend to prefer the latter over the former. I also think it is prone to being more true. While some toughguys probably are naturally calm and stoic and not so easily upset, many become all that much more stronger, braver, and wiser through hardships and struggle.
Having a high pain tolerance was never charismatic in my case. Growing up, I was always seen as interesting by others, even my own family, for having traits that were considered less than frou-frou, ("Oh, she has Barbie's, but only because her G.I. Joe's need hootchies"), however, when I grew up, I was always available as a live Barbie doll for my girly-girl friends, in which they graciously styled my hair for me (in the way they wanted it), and lovingly picked out make-up and clothing for me which they happily paid for (with my money), and told me I needed to start acting and dressing like a girl sooner or later or guys would never like me, (because I should look only for guys who wouldn't accept me as I am already and because anyone who had grown up fighting and being bullied by her own father and brother and then eventually achieved a Ph.D from Hard Knocks University would surly cause anyone to feel very feminine and all "Like, Omigosh, I forgot to do my nails.") I also think I humiliated boys on the basketball court each time I successfully made more baskets than they did.
So I clearly was a charity case for my missy prissy friends and a lost cause to my family, and, most of all, could never keep any of my boyfriends, but, I never gave up, and neither did my female acquaintances. When they further vamped up their efforts in getting me to wear dresses and paint my nails and grow my hair long, to have slumber parties with them so we could giggle and gossip and have pillow fights all night, they did succeed in getting me to ditch my beloved military-themed jackets, to stop spitting like a baseball player and to, for heaven's sake, "quit walking like a thug." By some miracle, they reminded me that I was born a chick and not a dude, and then more boys began to like me...which was why I never spoke to these ladies ever again, and why I decided to become even more hardcore and masculine from out of spite, and why to this day I adore Robert De Niro all the more. (He was awesome in Taxi Driver.)
The fact is, I don't feel obliged to change for anyone and wouldn't want to be friends with anyone or to date anyone who wouldn't accept me as I am anyway, which, to me, is what defines a true Alpha.
Do You Identify As A Genuine Alpha Male?
Everyone has their own outlook on what represents a true Alpha male, and, indeed, all Alpha's have their own sets of style, swag, and suave mystique to their own mannerisms and personas but there appear to be many common misconceptions and falsified stereotypes as to what an Alpha male really is.
Alphas are often portrayed as sleazy, womanizing jerks, when in all reality, such men are essentially jerky omegas and insecure wanna-be's who are desperate to feel what toughguy is. Do you think it takes very much of a man to use and abuse women? 'Cause I don't. Thought this was gonna be a jerky Alpha article that promotes jerkiness and sleazing around with women and not about inner confidence, huh? So if you're here to learn about how to become a belligerent and out-of-control knucklehead, listen to a provocative radio show host, observe corrupt guards at juvenile prisons, investigate therapists who don't have any business being therapists, and learn from the best.
Really, though, the scariest, most intimidating guy in my experience is the quiet, humble warrior who has the power to unleash hell if he is forced to. Most folks who go out of their way to act tough usually get their domes rocked. I have seen the toughest-looking men get their butts handed to them by small quiet persons that by appearance you would judge as weak.
It's why I now must be in-your-face and objective and say if you have to tell others you are tough, you really aren't; ideally, it's the strong, silent, mysterious types who are low-profile and low-key, who have more to their inner workings than they let on, who don't depend on approval from anyone, who don't have to prove anything to anyone, who will put one on your chest five times and sleep like a baby later..that, to me, is pure, unadulterated, platinum Alpha. And those who never saw themselves as Alpha before might have all that much more of a reason to believe they are...they just have yet to realize it.
As I mentioned earlier, I never really did click with women; although I've met some truly rocking females, for some reason, my male friends have always been the most helpful to me.
Don't pick up on any innuendoes here, I promise it was never like that, however, even though one guy in particular did admit to feelings for me, as I did for him, he truly was one special stud in my life who helped me fully recognize and embrace my full Alpha Female being in its full light, despite that he and I never really dated. Much of it was he himself proved to be a realer than real Alpha Male in every way, and I don't know if it often just takes friends of opposite genders in order to accomplish that. Could be that whole spiel about how the embers last longer than the fire, but I was nonetheless closer to this young gentleman than I was any of my other boyfriends; so I now wish to share with anyone who wants to go "from Beta to Alpha" the nuggets of wisdom this prince taught me.
Snap Out of It! You're Already Alpha
Believe it or not, it really is just that simple. Something brought you to this article in the first place. It's no accident that you're here. You're already an Alpha King or Queen, you just need to fully embrace it.
The thoughts we think dictate the feelings we feel. If we think negative, depressing thoughts, our brains release chemicals that make us depressed. If we think positive, happy thoughts, our brains release chemicals that make us happy. It's why to overcome low self-esteem and depression, it is crucial that we change and retrain our thought patterns by implementing "thought-stopping strategies," fiercely and adamantly countering every negative, unwelcome thought with positive ones. It can be all that much more empowering to say these thoughts to ourselves out loud whenever we can.
Throughout my journey of self-discovery and self-healing, I certainly was shocked to find that I was indeed an Alpha Female all along, life had always simply suppressed that part of me; it took me a very long time to overcome all that had been deeply ingrained in me in order to recover and reclaim the real me, and to become ultimately all that much more stronger and self-actualized as a result.
One way that happened for me was through positive self-affirmations. Silly though it seems, it really is true. There indeed is a lot of power in the subconscious mind. My aforementioned Alpha hero told me to tell myself I was beautiful until I believed it...and, not only did I begin to see it, others did too. (Trippy, huh?) I also found that my boldness in choosing to have opinions and ideas that were in contrast with the status quo and my inclination to speak up where everyone else was too sissified to say anything were things I needed to stop stifling and to start celebrating. If you too, see similar traits in yourself, congratulations, because you have the traits of a leader, not a follower. If others around you are being Debbie Downers about your views and ideas, look for others who support and respect them. You never know who else you might motivate and inspire.
Alpha Body Language
So that's the foundation on which you build your dreams, by believing they've already come to fruition and by acting and living as if you already have them. By having confidence that you can and will achieve them. Only makes sense, because you would never set out to accomplish your ambitions if you didn't think you had a chance. I believe a Bible quote even confirms this at Mark 11:24: "This is why I tell you, all the things you pray and ask for have faith you have practically received, and you will have them."
Bear in mind though, believing in one thing and doing another is classic beta routine. It's why it's important to get out of neutral and into drive.
For starters, what shows on the outside will also eventually make you feel more confident. When you improve your posture and body language, it also makes you feel more calm and secure on the inside; we already know how powerfully connected our minds and bodies are. When we don't feel good mentally, we don't feel good physically, and vice versa. Our minds and emotional states are a reflection of our body, so when we carry ourselves in a confident manner, it will improve our mindsets and make us feel and act more confidently as well.
So try to maintain an upright posture with your chin elevated and your chest expanded. Keep your movements slow and measured. Quick movements and fast speaking is often associated with anxiety, so slowing your roll will not only keep you calm but exude more confidence.
There's a habit many smooth alphas have that is dubbed "the lazy blink", in which they look someone directly in the eye and blink slowly. Even just the act of giving eye contact that means business can excite chemicals and hormones, including adrenaline, in others that create that primitive fight-or-flight response and demand respect.
So, make more of a point of occupying more physical space and of avoiding inverting your body, fidgeting, and crossing your arms and legs; often, it's not what you say, but what you say with your body that counts. In a word, act and live as if you've already pwned the world.
Your Mind Can Be Your Best Weapon
Another of my most fave of history's epic toughguys, Muhammed Ali, has always inspired me in how famous self-affirming quotes, ("Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee; the hands can't hit what the eyes can't see,") have proven how far one can go in thinking and saying things into existence; thus, you never know how far you yourself may go in life if you allow your subconscious mind a chance to absorb motivational messages and self-affirmations like the following listed here. In time, when uttered in repetition, and even if your conscious mind doesn't believe it, thinks it's all silly, and so on, your subconscious mind will inevitably pick it up and then, whether you like it or not, your conscious mind will eventually believe it and then follow in suit, as will your ideals, your actions, your inner drive, and, ultimately, your quality of life.
It may take time for your positive self-dialogue to clear away any emotional blockages, barriers and deeply embedded thinking patterns, but, when self-empowering messages sink in, and every cell in your body begins to believe it, watch the miracles unfold. Patience is the key; and, of course, as another perk, you will become all that much more patient and strong-willed. Without even knowing it, you may even begin to see the magic happening before long, such as in how toxic individuals seem to fade into the background and more positive, supportive ones begin to enter into your milieu. The more you tell yourself you are Alpha, the more you will begin to see and become it.
If you have 10 to 15 minutes to yourself each day, say the following affirmations out loud regularly; as mentioned before, hearing yourself say these things is best...but, if you're lazy like me, speak them into a tape recorder and then play them back to yourself and listen over and over. You may find this strategy even more effective if you vividly visualize yourself as you want to be, how you want your life to be, and then just simply own that and put yourself there. (I, in particular, often fall asleep to all of my self-aggrandizing daydreams and kudos...good thing I always make sure no one else is around).
(Side note: any emotional releases and other reactions you may experience are normal and no cause for alarm. They are natural and pure and more than likely a sign of progress. Allow whatever deeply rooted feelings that come up to flow and move through you, and don't try to censor what you feel. Some of the following self-affirmations may be relevant to you and some may not. Edit, omit, and accept as you see fit; it is also always best to consult a physician before entering into any new health regimen/routine):
Haters are my motivators.
Being bold and adventurous is among my life's top priorities, and I am driven to practice being as such everyday.
I have the power to develop boldness.
I acknowledge and respect my anxiety for what it is, and then let it go.
Anxiety is nothing more than a meaningless vacuum and emotion that I allow myself to feel, and then allow to float away.
My anxieties exist mostly in a false creation of my own imaginings.
My belief in myself and in my inherent greatness carries me high above any anxiety.
I always boldly strive to move far beyond the barriers of my ego.
I have the courage, the right, and the ability to choose my own life course.
My dreams and desires far surpass my anxieties.
"Impossible" does not exist in my vocabulary.
All things are possible.
My desires are so powerful that they mop the floor with fear.
Optimism floods my mind and being, leaving no room for worry and fear.
I absolutely love flying.
I look forward to being on a plane.
I love heights.
Fear of success does not exist in my world.
The more I understand my anxieties, the more insignificant and irrelevant they become.
God always protects me.
I am doing everything right.
I am utterly, completely safe.
Today, I give myself permission to rise above all anxiety.
Today is going to be an awesome day.
All negative thoughts and feelings are unwelcome in my mind.
Just as I no longer have room in my mind for negative thoughts, I no longer have room in my life for negative people.
All anxiety, sadness, and other unwanted emotions, please go away and never come back.
I am completely healthy and strong, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Any negative thoughts and emotions I do allow myself to have, I use to my best and fullest advantage and benefit.
Past "mistakes" are valuable learning experiences from which I always develop and mature.
I am a confident and assertive Alpha and everyone knows it.
I emanate a throbbing, pulsating aura of pure Alpha intensity that very few can bear.
I don't take any garbage from anyone.
I am daring in all that I do.
I have total confidence in myself and all that I believe in.
I am never lonely or alone.
I am free.
I am always connected to the well of serenity and fragrant water that lies within me, and it is here that I tap into the courage I naturally have to accomplish anything.
All my hardships nurture, upbuild, and make me all that much stronger, braver, and better.
Anxiety is a feeling I simply allow myself to have, and I always replace it with the opposite feeling.
Whenever I feel afraid, I count to 5 and the fear vanishes.
My mind remains focused on all of my strengths and attributes.
I conquer all of my fears by fixating and concentrating on the opposite feeling.
I allow in my mind only thoughts that keep me fired up to accomplish all of my dreams.
My fears always dissolve whenever I act in spite of them.
I act and live out all of my dreams as if I have accomplished them all already.
I am desirable and gorgeous, both inside and out.
I allow my fearless heart to banish any fears that I experience.
I am a daring and audacious adventurist.
My innate courage no longer allows me to entertain or dwell upon fear.
Each time an unpleasant thought, feeling, or image enters into my mind, I immediately replace it with a pleasant one that motivates, inspires, and empowers me and others.
Boldness is in my blood.
Courage is in my genes.
Fearlessness is in my DNA.
I am a born and made Alpha.
I no longer give negative thoughts or emotions any power.
I handle everything with grace, determination, and genius, and, most of all, quiet, smooth boldness that rocks the world to its core.
I am calm and centered where others become panicky.
Anxiety will subside as I continue to move forward.
I choose to feel happy, safe, and secure at all times.
With every breath I take, I am more and more daring.
I have incredible fortitude.
I have all it takes to conquer all fear.
I always speak up where everyone else is afraid to.
I always stand up for what I believe is right, whether others like it or not.
I am always the one others turn to for advice, leadership, and direction.
I am a rock and a solid source of stability in this rocky, unstable world.
I enjoy public speaking and am always at ease before a group of people.
I am a fearless, epic warrior.
People look up to me in times of disaster.
I am the ultimate paragon.
I am the best example for others to follow.
I conquer all fear by moving boldly ahead with swift and decisive action.
Bold is my middle name.
I deserve to be happy.
I am serene and joyful at all times.
All of my wildest dreams have already come true.
I am in complete control with nothing to fear.
Fear and I have been and always will be strangers.
I give myself permission to be greater than my fears.
I am exceptional.
I am a fighter.
I am a soldier.
Obstacles and difficulties are only opportunities for me to grow and to prove myself all that much more of a warrior.
I move far beyond all worldly limitations and expectations.
I bravely go where even the world's toughest, bravest men fear to tread.
I am completely free of all worry and fear.
Adversity and difficulty, bring it on.
Pain is figment of the imagination and no longer has a place in my world.
I live to achieve my fullest, brightest potential.
I grab life by the horns.
I am the Alpha of all Alpha's.
Reclaiming the Real You
If you're like me and have had a lot of rough luck throughout life that required you summon up masculine traits in order to survive, recognize and acclaim your worth. Whatever brand of Alpha you consider yourself to be is specific to you, and only you.
If you, too, are female and have also received hate for having traits that are deemed less than feminine, remember to see this as a sign that you are on the right track. No doubt others are jealous because you are brave enough to be different, have strengths, abilities, and talents that they don't, and if many of your haters are women, they likely can only wish they receive half the attention and admiration from males that you do.
It's why it's important we continue to do whatever we love and makes us feel comfortable. The dorks who don't accept us are not our real friends nor people we should be surrounding ourselves with; and those who are single, at the moment, will do well to make the best of their alone time by really diving into taking care of themselves. As long as we bravely and resolutely remain who we are, someone will come along and admire that...so hang in there, find positive, healthy people who respect and celebrate your bold uniqueness, and @$&#!!! everybody else.