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Coping With a Hollywood Monster

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

Let’s Talk About Monsters

for a moment, maybe an hour if my imagination holds up. Monsters, and I do mean Hollywood Monsters, for the record, Frankenstein's Monster, was the most recognizable screen version of Mary Shelley's classic creation arrived on movie screens in 1931, in the form of Boris Karloff, and made film history. But there were three silent film versions before that.

With the emergence of Frankenstein’s Monster, there came a literal wave of Hollywood Monsters who, in their time, was so scary that they could make the hair of our heads stand up. And to go even further, these Monsters’ grotesque looks were also attributed for the bedroom nightmares in our little “Johnny’s” and “Sally’s—bearing the scars of “monsters” designed by some (special effects genius) like: The Mummy, The Wolfman, and of course, The Creature From The Black Lagoon (see photo below).

For a few fleeting years, these Hollywood Monsters were fun. I admit it. And while I am no film critic, I watched my share of these sometimes hellish creatures who dragged themselves out of some boggy swamp and growled so eerie that the teenagers (in that town and film) were too scared to make-out in their Chrysler convertibles parked near “Lake Pleasant.”

The classic Creature From The Black Lagoon.

The classic Creature From The Black Lagoon.

In my Teenage Years

when I had myself alone in my family’s home, I’ve often wondered the pure and simple question as to what would I do if I ever encountered a Hollywood Monster? The other questions that followed were: how would I act toward this creation of someone’s warped imagination? And would I give up to trying to befriend the likes of The Mummy, The Wolfman or maybe Frankenstein’s silent monster?

Like you, in similar surroundings and questions, I would have to be honest with myself and answer, I simply do not know what I would do or how I would act toward a Hollywood Monster?

Facts are facts, so I shouldn’t quiver with fear once I happened upon The Creature From The Black Lagoon who had just come to land from the dark bottom of some farmer’s fish pond. First of all, I would try my best to not fall apart although The Creature was probably the most-scary of all the celluloid monsters that roamed the drive-in screens.

If Running Wouldn’t Help

maybe if I offered this horrible creature a mild word of greeting such as: “Hey! Are you new in our area?” No. This might tend to irritate the creature because after all, he (or she) never spoke upon all of the films that the creature made—so maybe the creature understood “some” of my greeting and did see me not run off, so he (or she) might just respond with a friendly reply.

I know that my heart rate would really increase to the point where I would be forced to sit down. Now Creature From The Black Lagoon is slowly walking toward me and gazing with those eyes without eyelids and a million and one scenario’s are running wild through my imagination, but I am trying not to show this beast that I am so afraid of him or her.

I have it! Food always helps when encountering a Hollywood Monster. Those people in the Hollywood Monster Era never thought about offering food to whatever creature just happened to be reigning terror on them, so maybe I have hit upon something—I would not run away, but use my hands to signal the creature that I want him (or her) to walk to the house with me so we could have a bite to eat. And I do not mean the creature taking a bite out of me!

So the creature somehow understood that I was going to get us both a bologna sandwich that he just sat on the lawn while I went inside to make our sandwiches. And all the while I was applying mayonnaise and cheese on the sandwiches, I was now wondering if the creature might think that I was trying to poison him (or her) and then do away with me. Now do not take on so. What would you do if you were facing the same adversity?

Now That The Sandwiches

are being handed to the creature, I think that I saw the glimmer of a smile upon this monster’s lips. But I am not one to take on as to scare my new friend, so I will just sit with him as we eat our bologna sandwiches. Don’t forget the drinks. I brought us two glasses of soda over ice just so the creature will tell his friends that I was the Perfect Host.

With our sandwiches now eaten as well as our soda being drank, me and the creature just sit and look at each other without making any attempt to communicate with each other. I think to myself: what “if” this creature can understand plain English and can understand what I am saying? So I prompt myself into trying my best to say a few words to the creature before he runs off to some dark abode.

I use my lips to say “hello, Mr. Creature,” but the creature just twists his (or her) head and I think that the creature is confused, so I cease from talking. So I go back to basics and point to my stomach and rub it clockwise and grin as to signal, “what a tasty treat those sandwiches were.” But once more, the poor creature just twists its head another direction and obviously doesn’t understand.

Well, there is primal growling, how about that means to communicate? Why not? I am not making any mileage using words or signals, so with a huge grin, I open my mouth and growl the best-sounding growl that I can muster and before I can growl again . . .the creature lunges at me sending me onto my back on the grassy lawn.

I cannot move thanks to the angry look on the creature’s face.

“Uhhh, sorry! I was only growling to try and communicate with you,” I struggled to say.

Then before I could think of another ploy to communicate with the creature, he placed his hands on his hips and said with such a rich baritone voice: “that’s fine, kid! But next time you use those growls that to me are profanities, there will be trouble. Good day.”

Then with one motion, The Creature From The Black Lagoon disappeared.

I couldn’t bring myself to growling a good-bye for I was so afraid that he might think that I was cursing again. And I sure wouldn’t want that, would I?

September 19, 2018_______________________________


This is no monster, but a Gila Monser or the Pearled Lizard and is very venemous.

This is no monster, but a Gila Monser or the Pearled Lizard and is very venemous.

© 2018 Kenneth Avery

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