Conversation with Death in My Mother’s Final Hours

This is stupendous, Dora, and remarkable. I love the conversations with Death. It reminds a great deal of my mother's death-bed, when I sat with her, listening to that awful rattle, trying to make sense of it, trying to think of things to say to ease her burden. My head pounded and I was lost but your thoughts here are remarkably similar to my own.

Your conversation is such an imaginative one, such a 'proper' one, such an illuminating one. For that I thank you. It has eased my heart too.

This also reminds me of 'The Book Thief', where Death is the narrator (I did a hub review about it). There is humour there but there is discussion too, very much like this.

Well done, Dora! One of your best for sure.

With love,

Ann

I want you to know I go back and read this hub often.I think what would my mother and I be doing right now. I think sitting and having breakfast and reading your hub together. My mother could talk for hours about her love for her family. I would listen intently trying to memorize every word

She would give me a look.I know when I am gone you will forget what we talked about.Maybe so but I tried to remember all your love and the fun that we shared.I miss you mom. Thank you for all your love. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.Have a fantastic day.

Tears! I loved this! I held my father's hand until he passed. In the last moments,I decided to tell him that I loved him, that I was glad to have had the chance to be with him every day, for the few months he had left, that I'd miss him, but he'd be okay where he was going, and not to worry about me, I'd be fine, and we'd meet up later... I didn't know if he'd hear me, but when I was done speaking, two tears ran out of his right eye and ended up in a small pool in his right ear. -- He did hear me, and I treasure the memory.

Death, to me, is like what a fetus must go through minutes before being born. That passage through a tunnel with a light at the end. Sorry for your loss, and thank you for this well written piece.

#hugs Ms Dora. The quotes from (4) Death aids self awareness totally gripped me. As I have only lost my mother-in-law to cancer recently, articles like these strangely comforts me and makes me want to leave a beautiful goodbye for my loved ones as far as I can... when the eventual comes. As a mom, I can only add that your mom's love will always be with you and she is very blessed to have you care for her in that final journey.

Sorry for such a major loss. May God help you keep this positive perspective always. The quotes on death are worth remembering.

I know it has been months since your mother went to heaven. I know you are still feeling the pain and loss. My mother passed away in 1968, but she still lives in my heart. I know we both will be with them again when our time is up to leave our earthly home. This was so beautiful! When death lingers we want to scream, " No go away " My mother, like your's was in so much pain. I now know it was a blessing..

Death really shouldn't frighten us. I like that you portray him as a loser. Late, but please accept my condolences.

Speechless...................

A moving hub, MsDora, and one that brings back memories. I, my 4 siblings and my mother brought my father home from the hospital some 15 years ago, a last ride for our truck driver as he had been given only a week or so to live and made the choice to die at home, among his family.

It was not to be: death came knocking that very night, only hours after we got Dad home and I...I spent the rest of the night walking the dark streets of my childhood neighborhood and talking to Death. I got the same message you did, with an emphasis on the fact that Death can, and often does, provide refuge. Dad gave up but days of life for a last night in his own home, with his children and wife around him and at peace with the world. He used his time wisely and left behind his deteriorating and pain filled body.

For the rest of us there was grief, yes, but we all recognized that refuge and have never been sorry that we were able to help Dad meet Death on his own terms. I also think we all talked with Death that night, in our own way.

Dear MsDora, this is an extremely insightful conversation you have had with Death. Why, we always learn so much about life and death while we experience tremendous emotional pain. Thank you for sharing your insight. May you be blessed with strength and peace while missing your dearest mother for the rest of your life. As you've said, Death only took her body away. The rest of her is in your heart and mind until you meet again.

As I read your moving hub about your mothers passing my throat closed and eyes became unable to read. I stopped many times thinking how wonderful you captured the most beautiful words to share your hardest and saddest moments. All I want to do is take the pain away. I don't know how. What I do know is through it all I feel enormous love and that love continues to grow in every direction possible. Love does not end with the physical passing of a loved one. It only grows deeper in a way it never could in the physical world. Think and talk of your mom often and with that your moms memories her beautiful life will flourish. When you feel blue look back at this hub not in sadness but in kindness and beauty of all the hubbers who you and your mom connected with. My own mom will have passed four years this Novevember. I am still dealing with many emotions. I feel relief and peacefulness in your words. You have helped me heal in my own grief. I often think what would my mom do. Then I think of her smiling face and even if I don't have the answer. I feel comfort and love. Thank you for finding the strength and power to write this touching hub. Wishing you many more happy days ahead. Where you can embrace all your mothers love.

Thanks for this hub, MsDora. But any way we paint or write it, death is tough on everyone. I knew for 8 years that death would come for my wife, but was I ready that night? No way. You have shown some of the positives, if they can be called that. In time, we can see the good too. But it takes time. At least it did for me.

In this small world of ours we all are connected. With your loss, comes my loss.

Dora, I'm so sorry you lost your mother. At the same time I'm happy she's no longer bound by the mind and body that betrayed her inner self. She's free now.

Thank you for sharing this letter with us. Even in grief, you impart wisdom.

MsDora, I am so sorry for you loss.

A sad loss for those left behind.

Sadder still because the one you lost was so kind

But think how much kinder he Heaven will be

With you mother there

To wait to welcome you

And all of us her kindness we will share

*

Blessings MsDora.

MsDora,

First, I want to offer my sincere condolences. I've been learning quite a bit about Alzheimer's and some of it has been from you and your hubs. I think I can understand the mixed feelings caregivers have. Dementia is such an awful thing. I remember when my grandma just stopped eating and being glad I wasn't there to witness the frailty, but also sad at the same time.

Second, I love the way you present things. You are such talented lady. And I am glad that you include the part about Alzheimer's not being able to steal her faith and prayers. How awful it would be to build such a strong faith only for a horrendous disease to be able to take even God away.

Thank you so much for sharing this deep and very personal story with us--Your heart is profoundly at peace, even in your grief

MsDora you are a strong and courageous woman to have shared your experience here. Acceptance is great and you have showed me that. I felt your grief and makes me wonder about such experiences.

Some unfortunate things might never be avoided, but our reaction towards it, is what defines its impact on us. You've indeed extracted good out of evil, light out of darkness, and life out of death. You've gleamed & beamed in a dim and damned world.

The devil tried to remind you of the present state, but you have seen it wise to remind him of the future we have in Christ Jesus (eternal life).

I Love you Ms. Dora (with the love of Christ), because you've always been an epitome of light, even in this caliginous world.

Thank you Ms. Dora.

Dear Ms. Dora, I want to wrap you up in a big warm hug today. I am so very sorry to hear that your mother has passed. Everyone at HP who has had the joy of getting to know you probably already suspected that she was a remarkable mother and a very good person who will be missed from this world.

As one who sat where you sat with my own mother I so empathize. In fact, your hub moved me to tears even as it astounded me with your insight. Having both a deep faith and true understanding of death and the grieving process can only help you now. I hope your journey through your grief can be as much a celebration of your mother's long life and your rich relationship together as it is an adjustment to her loss in your life.

If my words fall short (and they always do,) I'll trust God to convey to you every possible solace. Know that you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so very sorry for your loss, MsDora. My thoughts are with you. You have shared a beautiful and inspirational hub.

Death always is a reminder to us that each one of us is in a queue and not only must we not forget this but live life as the Scriptures define it for us for everlasting peace.

Sorry to learn about your loss. A mother's loss is the most felt.

The Scripture references are so profoundly true and numb the loss to a great extent.

As always, your hubs are about what really "matters." Thank you for writing it and the way you wrote it.

Oh, Dear MsDora,

I'm so sorry for your great loss of such a precious Mother. This is such a beautiful tribute to her and your conversation with Death is eye-opening. I understand how much you are missing your dear Mother, for my Mother went on to be with the Lord God in December of 2012, and I am mindful just how blessed I was in this life to have such a loving and strong Mother, just as you are to have the Mother you have had in this life.

Thank you for sharing how your Mother still had her strong faith and loved to hum the hymns. That is comforting to you, I know.

I know our Mothers will forever live on in our hearts and those of many others too.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during this time of loss.

God bless you

I am sorry for your loss, MsDora. It really is a blessing and a wonder at how death brings those who are left behind together. Going home for my father's funeral, I was amazed to see a line of mourners who had come to pay their last respects streaming out of the funeral home, around the corner and down the street. It was as if he'd had a secret life of influence I had known nothing about. It sounds as if even in death, your mother's life is still exercising a powerful love over those left behind.

Dear friend, my mother has been gone six years now and there is still hardly a day I don't think of her and wish she were here but I know you have all the biblical truths to get you through and that make you strong. Still we will always be our mommies little girls and that is something we never want to give up no matter how it makes our heart feel. You like me I know will wish many things you wished you had done or still could do and even with all you gave her it will never feel like it was enough...but I guess that is just love our Father instilled in us.

God bless you and may you be rested and happy your mom is where she wanted to eventually be. May you hear her humming in the breezes and know she will always love you and appreciate all you did for her.

This is a great perspective on a very universal topic. I know what it's like to be in a room when someone is taking their last breaths, and the concept alone is hard to wrap your head around, but it helps knowing that it's something that we all go through and experience in our lives. I think this is going to help a lot of people come to terms with that experience.

Dear Ms. Dora, I am sorry for your loss. Your ability to convey this conversation with Death in such a lucid way, touching all of us, in the pain of the recent event itself, is a tribute to your giftedness (i.e, writing/communication, compassion, faith,wisdom) and more important, a tribute to the Giver of the Gifts. May you be comforted and know Peace every day during this time of mourning. I'm sharing your hub because I know there are many out there who will be blessed by reading it. Thank you. ~Cynthia

Oh, Dora. Your mother fought such a good fight, and you were right there with her the whole time. what a blessing! Fellowship? Reunions? There's an even bigger one coming - When the role is called up yonder! Bless you, dear sister!

My dear Ms. Dora, I first want to express my sympathy over the loss of such a wonderful mother. Secondly, you have written what we must all remember when we face these moments. It is not an ending but a beginning. Live your life to the fullest each day, as God intended. Thank you for sharing from your personal window of life.

Ms Dora, its the truth when I say my heart melts, sensitive and humble hub.. it offers a Godly sense of life's and death's priorities... My condolences.. and may God be with you as always during your missing days..

Dear Ms. Dora,

Thank you for this. My own mother died of cancer about two years ago. She knew it, and she was ready for it...but it was still hard for us to see the cancer take her away from us. One of the last things she was able to say to me was, "Am I going to heaven?" That led to a discussion of John 10 and the story of the good shepherd who knows all his sheep. She never worried about that again.

Hi Dora, very well done. I particularly like the sidebar of quotes about death. By and large, I find secular society seems incapable of dealing with death.

As I read your hub I am so overwhelmed of your courage , your strength , and you are actually being strong for many who are going through the same experience but are not able to express the pain as you have.

I expected no less from you ! How wonderful it is to give of youself even when in pain from your heart.

That is what Jesus did, he gave and keeps giving , that is love !

I try my best to totally rely on our Father's words and Jesus because they can relate to death as an enemy.

Example Did the Heavenly Father lose a precious life in death ? Yes his Son who died for us. JESUS

Before that he was always there beside him in everything, a Prince or first born Angel.

Did Jesus lose someone in death ! Yes he lost many faithful humans he knew as and Angel.

But the Bible Records show him weeping when Lazerus died. Even though he held the key to release him from death sleep.

Joh 11:35 Jesus gave way to tears.

Jesus with His Father Jehovah can undo death and return our loves back.

1Co 15:26 And the last enemy, death, is to be brought to nothing.

It was not meant for humans to die !

But Adam and Eve and Satan created the concoction when they severed the life line from the Heavenly Father.

When they did this it was like they lived on their on auto pilot. Until they bodies gave out on its own power not God's

So they bodies auto pilot into death forever.

So all humans are marked to die because of them genetically.

So right there in the garden The Heavenly Father worked a cure for us as innocent bystanders.

But it would take generations for his cure to appear and be administered.

The cure arrived.

But for us to benifit from it we must be educated according to accurate knowledge

not imitations of truth but ginuine.

We must also follow Jesus very close in his steps he shows us how.

And his cure would cover not just one century of humans but many generations of humans. We are now the 21 century

Soon the close of the number allowed will finally end.

Then Jesus will be running earths affairs on a cleaned earth free from opposers.

Then we will be building homes for those asleep in death as they return as written.

Isa 65:22 They will not build for someone else to inhabit, Nor will they plant for others to eat. For the days of my people will be like the days of a tree, And the work of their hands my chosen ones will enjoy to the full.

Isa 33:24 And no resident will say: “I am sick.” The people dwelling in the land will be pardoned for their error.

I share these exciting future times to come with you.

May Jehovah keep you close Ms Dora !

Thank you !

Thanks for sharing this personal and moving episode of your life. May your mum rest eternally in the Lord's comfort.

I am sorry for your loss.

I wasn't able to be with my mother when she passed but my sisters and their children were. I took comfort in knowing many were there to show her the love and compassion which she had given to us, all those years.

The quote you have by Thornton Wilder, "The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." is perfect. I think losing someone would be less painful if we celebrated their lives instead of grieving their passing.

This was a beautiful and unique way to share your thoughts during a difficult time.

Dear MsDora, I am sorry for your loss. We can firmly believe in God and Heaven, we can visualize a beautiful angel coming to fetch our darlings

and we can celebrate a life well lived but that don't make it easy. I hope that your sadness is filled with tenderness and that you remember your mother will always be with you because love never dies.

It is difficult to accept death in this society because it is unfamiliar. In spite of the fact that it happens all the time, we never see it. Saying Goodbye to a Loved One!!!

O Ms. Dora...how blessed you were to be with her in the final days and hours...and how blessed you are to have a Momma that you loved so and that no doubt left a lasting impact on your life.

Your observations about death are spot on. The

'using time wisely' is one we strive to do each and every day....one day at a time sweet Jesus.

Well done sharing

Angels are once again on the way to you ps

Beautifully written, MsDora. Remembering lost loved ones in this way is truly comforting. I understand the depth of your feelings on this, and that our faith is meant to carry us through this time of loss.

Hello, @MsDora when I read your memoires article that's time I am I thinking human life diversity as a your mother matter, I think she should be pass good time, just don’t forget prayer to god for your mother life.

I am so sorry to learn about your loss. May your mother Rest in Peace!

It needs so much courage to write this tribute about the final moments spent with your respected mother.

I might say that I am a strong woman ready to face any challenge but losing someone you love the most and that too your parents makes me feel scared.

I am sure many will draw strength from this beautifully written hub of yours.

I agree with your last paragraph that death sometimes unites close relations like nothing else can.

And as you say we must make the best use of the time available to us.

Thanks for sharing and God bless you and your family!

Please accept my deepest condolences MsDora. It is always a difficult time to accept our loved one's passing even if it is God's will. I clearly remember my mother and father's passing. They both had full faculties right until the end and that made it all the more difficult to deal with. At least I could say goodbye, but I am still saddened by the memories. This is a lovely tribute and it was good to have family around to share the burden and support each other I am sure.

I am so sorry to hear of your mother passing. Your tribute is absolutely beautiful. I hope I don't sound heartless if I say thank you for sharing your experience, as a dear friend of mine passed away a few days ago and your words are very comforting. I pray that the Lord keeps you strong in knowing your mother is with Him right now as it shall be the same with all of us who love Him dearly.

If all of us could accept death as you have just shown, I believe that we all would be comforted and more realize our humanity. Thank you for sharing in this my friend. whonu

This is really a very beautiful sharing, Dora. I offer my sympathies, as I understand very well your emotions, but I am also happy for your mother. I have to believe she is smiling today.

blessings always

When my mother passes away (she's 89), and if she still does not know the Lord in salvation, that will indeed be a day of deep grief for me. My father died over four years ago, and as far as I know, he did not know the Lord either. Both very religious all their lives, they nevertheless did not show the instincts of the true believer. My siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles also do not know the Lord as their Savior. They cannot share in the same kind of grief that I will feel on that day.

Still, I commend you for writing a nice message of comfort to those whose parents know Christ as Savior.