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Concluding My Soul-Searching

Mich is a Civil Engineering graduate with years of experience as a Writer. She talks about a lot of stuff. Maybe you can find what you need.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

Two years had passed since I last sat down and wrote. That’s why my mind was all over the place recently.

The pandemic was dwindling. Some form of life had returned for some people. The fact that some countries were already having concerts and music festivals still felt wrong though.

The last time I wrote about my life in ‘Another Quarter-Life Crisis Story’, I was aspiring to finally jumpstart my career. I was hopeful despite experiencing a few hurdles. But then two years later, guess what? Still nothing.

Yes. I still got nothing.

It felt like I blinked, and I’m already here, close to ending another year. I don’t know what else to tell you aside from that I’m completely lost in my life right now.

The pandemic had stolen a lot from me. Time, my drive to continue forward, the plans I made that needed to be altered or even forget about. I don’t even know where and how to restart.

Losing my ability to write was also a huge blow for me. Yes, the dreaded writer’s block did a number on me. Also seeing some of my peers’ achievements made me question my capabilities.

I know, I shouldn’t be comparing myself with anyone since we all have our own lives to live. But the demon that is self-doubt could come at you like an avalanche. You could hear it rumbling from a distance and hope to outrun it.

Photo by Ben Moreland on Unsplash

Photo by Ben Moreland on Unsplash

But despite all that, I still want to push through. I still have that flame in me. It’s still flickering and wasn’t completely extinguished.

I want a lot of things and I got so much to prove, so I know this is another puzzle I have to solve.

I still have things to do, so I need to stop looking at my present like I have to meet a deadline.

Life isn’t a race, you don’t have to compete with anyone. You have to take the steps at your own pace. Because the only one who’s going to bear the fruits of these hardships is yourself.

There is no fixed age on when you should be considered “successful” by society. You are the only one who could determine that.

Currently, I’m still struggling to write this post.

The thoughts are still all over the place. There are still a few things I couldn’t grasp that I used to have a firm hold over.

I have to go back and remember why I’m doing this. How I discovered that writing is my passion, and how much it helped me to become a better person.

There are still a lot of things to work on me and so much I need to relearn. I’ll get there.

© 2022 Mich Camcam

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