Little bit of a rant here, but hold on, stay with me.
This morning, my daughter got up and was hatching with me on the couch, a mess of blonde haired knots and 'sleepies' being shaken out of her body. She said to me that yesterday, she had a little girl tell her that she wasn't pretty.
Instantly infuriated, I had to count backwards from ten in my head, so that I didn't go with a pitchfork on a hunt to defend my kids heart. I am constantly reminding her that sometimes people will say mean things, and we have to develop the strength to ignore this. But at six years old, she's still trying to figure out her emotions, and how to deal with them. She is an empath, much like her mother, and a sensitive soul in a world where only a handful know and appreciate the full value of this. ( It took me 30 years to understand! )
A long time ago, I replaced my remarks of "you're so cute" and " you're beautiful" and " your hair/dress/skirt/shirt looks so pretty on you!" With " you're such a smart girl." And "you're so kind" and "you have such a friendly heart" obviously this is not because my child is not physically cute, pretty, and beautiful. But because I want the words to hold deeper meaning to her, that the surface is NOT what she should be worried about other people accepting. I'm making sure that she grows up well balanced, centered, and confident. Her soul, spirit, heart, and character are what matters, and she's never going to forget it.
So please, replace the compliments of outer beauty with those looking inward. Enhance the strengths of your child's character , not the emphasis on looks. We don't do this knowingly to cause damage, nor do I think anyone ever does this with bad intentions! However, in my experience with my little old soul, she heard exactly what I was saying and it started to show with worries and fears about acceptance. They are our future, and in a world where they will fight battles on their own without us, having one with themselves should never be an issue.
© 2020 Amanda Else