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Coffee: The World's Most-Perfect Marriage

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

Ahhh, Yeah! This Introduction

should win yours truly with the next "HubPages Broken-Heart Contest" or any text-thrilling pieces that may follow. Right now, I feel pretty good at my chances of winning. Not just because of looks, but context. That wins the game, son! Context!

Two of my favorite things: Coffee and writing.

Two of my favorite things: Coffee and writing.

So That Concludes

the preliminaries and on we go to another blood-curdling adventure that we all know about because my subject is not only limited to the US of A, but the wide-world at large. What would you say if I told you that I was writing about "Coffee: The Perfect Relationship?" Something touching, I pray. I have a low thresh hold of rejection. I should know. I've had plenty of practice from my dating days and Rolling Stone. You figure out what I was vying for.

There are girls and then there are girls. But Coffee beats them every time. Coffee, I would say to the free world (North Korea too), that Coffee Rules! Every slide show or documentary that I've seen has citizens of that city being filmed and they are all crouched down a big bon fire drinking coffee and laughing. A few might be smoking what looked like to be "weed," but I am not their judge.

Coffee has been in the earth as long as God created it. Coffee is not as senior in eons as God, but just let Coffee think that while I am making this sentence. Coffee is so flexible that in a big crowd of people some women and some men, a few like Coffee Creamer in their coffee and others say, "Black please! This is what puts hair on your chest." Then a big laugh follows.

Did you know that Dill Pickles and Black Coffee are very compatible? Yes. I've tried this peculiar recipe and found out that when I eat these items, I can eat healthy and stay wide-awake for hours. So I'm no Henny Youngman, but at least I made a pretty decent one-liner on the fly. Another good recipe is Black Coffee and Hotwings. I cannot tell you why these two flavors taste so good, but it does. I guess that some secrets are worth speculating.

Coffee can easily be compared to a Lovely Woman. Jane Russell pops to my mind. She had class, confidence, and could stand on her own laurels. Coffee is much like Russell in that respect. There are a few places on earth where no coffee is grown or drank. And to that wild fact I would respond: these places without coffee could apply for membership to "The Most-Boring Countries Club." And I won't apologize for speaking the truth.

Can you see your day WITHOUT coffee? Be honest. I tried it once and at 11 am., I had already snapped at one of my co-workers and yelled at my publisher. But once I grabbed a cup of hot, black coffee, I felt great. I loved everyone. But times like this was when I was much younger and hadn't been married long. But thanks to God first, and the black coffee, I realized that coffee and me were like being married. And coffee knew it. But talk about a mate! Coffee has seen me at the worst and best and it didn't phase coffee. Talk about enduring.

If Coffee was a wild, forest animal, I would think that a Brown Grizzly would be like Coffee in the fact that when the Grizzly is asleep he is tame and bothers no one. But if his napping is aroused, he is a force to be reckoned with. Coffee is great, but only the Expert Coffee Drinkers know if it is strong, too strong, or too weak just by looking at it in the cup. It took years for me to learn how, but once I learned, it didn't leave me.

A few years ago, there was a list made from a national survey to find out the top ten groups of people who drink big amounts of coffee each day and I was so impressed when I read it. Here is that list and you can see if you are on the list: 10.) Photographers 9.) Taxi drivers 8.) Landscape workers 7.) Farmers 6.) Mechanics 5.) Mailmen/women 4.) Nurses 3.) Doctors and No. 1 was Military Personnel. Nowhere in that list did I see Newspaper Personnel, and I thought that my staff and I would be on the list somewhere in the line-up.

My dad, also a coffee drinker, had a favorite line that he would say when someone handed him a cup of coffee, "this is so strong that it can stand on its all-fours and bark at you," and if my dad knew a lot about anything, it was coffee. I lived with this man and his wife for 21 years and I can testify that there was always coffee in the house. And when my dad was not working outside or working at his job in one of our plants in our hometown, he had coffee making all through the day. He wasn't from the Old School. He helped pour the foundation for it. He awoke at 4:30 am and his first two things was his coffee and cigarettes. You could set your time by the time he rose and went to sleep. I miss my dad and mom too.

God has been better to me than I have to Him. Every place where I put in most of my 23 years in the newspaper business, we had coffee. Coffee is not just a drink of pleasure to the chosen few, but coffee is the All Around Drink for Mankind besides water. And talk about marriages. What would each be, the coffee and water without being married? I shudder to think.

I am closing this commentary down right now not because that I am out of information about coffee, but simply put, I want to take myself a break and drink myself a few more cups of black coffee before bedtime.

And speaking of Henny "Take my wife, please" Youngman, the King of One-liners, my lovely wife of 42 years is not what I call a Dedicated Coffee Drinker. I have though, seen her pour a cup of coffee and open something with vanilla and some kind of creamer and then shaking sugar into the cup and then sipping it while I drink my cup of black coffee to start our morning.

"We've see a lot of things in our lives," I tell her. "But just once, I would love to see you drink your coffee black." Only time and Juan Valdez will tell.

_______________________March 7, 2018

Isn't she lovely? I am of course, meaning my coffee. Not Stevie Wonder's song.

Isn't she lovely? I am of course, meaning my coffee. Not Stevie Wonder's song.

© 2018 Kenneth Avery