Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.
Life is such a game that I have seemingly lost those secret instructions on the do's and don't's on What Life is Really About and How to Live and be Happy, to name two. Before I say the following, please don't. I think that the higher echelon of society--the elite, rich, proud and proper, took over this upper crust years ago and when the Gilded Age didn't suit them, they simply unfolded it and hid it in some of those millionaires' basement which is as big as Wyoming. Me? I would have loved an heads-up to inform me and (those like me) about how proper and rigid these elite can be---and no amount of civil talk or begging will change their minds.
And The Game Goes on
with my friends and me living on hope that one day, a lot of them will strike paydirt and before they can call me, they are whisked-away to Hollywood then to New York City for lunch, drinks, and a new wardrobe.
Where does that leave me? Nowhere. I am still here, doing (pretty much) the same thing each day and at the risk of using a MLB metaphor, "still pitching late in the eighth inning," and it looks like I will lose another game if something don't happen.
I've Went Through This
jungle before. Nothing around it is familiar. Just the faces, food choices, and haircuts are different. What I am ashamed to confess is this: have you ever ran into someone in your local Walmart or other stores and something between you and them just clicked? Magic, perhaps? Naw. Life itself. You and I have sampled a taste of life when it's the most-painful. That moment when you see "that" lovely young woman who brings every fiber in your body alive and you find yourself hanging on her every word. But us "old pros" can tell you that there is help for people suffering the Ignorance Germ and another part of this equation is that they are suffering in silence.
How the Ignorance Germ works is fairly simple. As you grow and develop, your body has a certain amount of good and bad germs and they know the boundaries and how far that they can do, so your bloodstream is really a quiet place to sit down and lean against a majestic oak tree and do some reading.
But during all of the talk about Problems With The Ozone many years ago, something silent happened. The Bad Germs had been planning this move for years, and now here it is. The Bad Germs somehow took over what territories that the Good Germs guarded and now the power had shifted to a set of callus, cold-hearted, self-serving gang of germs whose only focus was on themselves and this caused you several hours of embarrassment when a lovely girl ran into you at your favorite eatery. The Ignorance Germ. Not lethal, but cantankerous as all get out.
So, now we Will Look
at several points on "How You Will Know if You Have Been Infected by The Ignorance Germ" . . .
- You've accidentally-met a very lovely girl. She's as pretty as any Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition and before you know it, your jaws shift into high gear and your heart has tripled it's beat. She is beaming, but not with the same energy that you are exerting. And here's where us males are blind, ignoring common sense and continue to talk, compliment, and (to you) this girl rates an 11 on a scale of 1 to 10. But there it is:that far-away look in her eyes. She is actually gazing into space. With all of your confidence you say, "I'm sorry. Have you not heard anything that I've said?" Then the lovely female replies,"What? Ohhh, I was looking at my "ex" down the sidewalk and he has really turned into a hunk and I just need to go." There you are--left alone babbling to yourself.
- If you are walking into one of your elevators in your office building and this gorgeous blond winks at you. What a smile that you have. And for good reason. This girl is model material. You can hardly contain yourself. You walk over and shake her hand. She smiles again sending you to Cloud Nine. You ask her name and when she says it, you almost faint. Then in about half-hour, she calls you "Nedd," over five times. And when your frustration kicks in, you ask: "Who's this 'Nedd' character?" She replies: "Oh, an uncle of mine who used to play horsie with me when I was six. I would sit on his knee and he would do his horse sound and oh, at the fun. You look like him. This is my floor. See you, 'Uncle,' oh, I'm sorry. "Larry." Again, the Ignorance Germ has bitten you.
- You attend a Social Mixer for Singles at your church. The event is low-key, but a great way for singles to meet, talk and have a great evening. When the dance music starts, you walk over to this pretty redhead. You ask her to dance, and she agrees. In fifteen minutes, you tell her: "you are a marvelous dancer," and she replies: "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but you have the grace of a drunken mule. I just danced with you because I felt sorry for you. Say, do you know of a place around here for Rage Anonymous?"
- When you are talking to a woman, not necessarily one that you have just met, and she keeps repeating what you say until it gets old and you tell her: "Are you not listening to me?" She winks and says: "Sure, pop. Oh, I'm sorry. You are old enough to be my granddad and that ain't whiskey."
I Have Given you
a few selected situations that can show you how the Ignorance Germ works. This germ works in two ways: one, while the man and woman are engaging in conversation, the germ causes the man to overdo it by talking to this woman. He smiles way too much even tries to sing and recite poetry. What he is really doing is playing the role of a Sitting Duck because at the right time, the woman will turn cold and ruthless and say something that embarrasses him to such levels that he will stay depressed for months. I tell you, friends. The Ignorance Germ is dangerous.
I'll leave you with this one that I will use as the Ignorance Germ's "Big Guns." This is really not tough to understand because if you have read the other parts to this sneaky germ, then you will know all about "this" part of the Ignorance Germ.
The man, any man, will see a gorgeous brunette making her way to a table in a posh restaurant. He is instantly smitten. It's all he can do to keep himself under control, and he slips the Maitre'd fifty-bucks to give him the table closest to this hot brunette. He sits quietly while ever so often, he gazes at the woman with perfect features. He can no longer stand it. He jumps almost like a para-trooper with his flexibility. He crawls over to her on all-fours and tells her that he can do the best German Shepherd impression and to the delight of the other diners, he howls, fetches a napkin and puts up his hands on her table. The other diners applaud. Then before the pretty woman can tell him to get lost, he drags her out of the restaurant and takes her to the well-kept lawn in front of the fine eatery and he demands that they play Leap Frog while he sings "Ava Maria" and finally the woman stand rigid in front of him and yells: "for a mannequin, you sure have plenty of life! A dog act? Really? When are you going to do a dog act? Man, what an idiot you are," and storms away.
The Ignorance Germ strikes again.
__________________________________________March 28, 2018
© 2018 Kenneth Avery