The mind is reluctant to embrace a deep change, and will play devious games to maintain the status quo.
-- Kristin Linklater
Do Not Rationalize About a New Possible / Impossible - You
What follows are some ideas that I've always wanted to share with someone who had a dream of a different self. So, if you happen to be one of them, don't be bothered by the fact that I don't know you personally as to be able to find those custom-made words pertaining to your particular dream.
For, I may not know the way you were yesterday, or the way you may turn out to be tomorrow, but if you want to change, I have known you from ever.
My first and last appeal to you is not to rationalize about "whether that change is possible or it isn't".
There are those things in life that are axiomatic in nature, you can't either add or to subtract from them by "reasoning" -- such as love, happiness, freedom, peace of mind, harmony...or a miraculous personal change.
As a matter of fact, being smart about them could only take you further away from them, not closer. It was long time ago that someone said: "Mind cannot understand reasons of heart", and it still holds true.
Some things are simply in the domain of heart, and all changes have to be initiated there. So as the days and years go by, there may be this nagging wish to start anew with a fresh mindset, to write a new book on life, not merely a different chapter -- as in that new book even those past chapters are bound to be rewritten as different.
Let's face it, if it was up to our mind, we would have changed long time ago, so let's step aside with our reasoning, and let heart face its truth -- from which the old adage will be given its true sense: "Just follow your own bliss".
By following our bliss, it's of the paramount importance to stay aware about the truth that WE ARE NOT OUR MEMORY OF OURSELVES.
As you take a look in the mirror of your mind, you are bound to see the person of yesterday, because your "recognizing" falsely means "knowing" who you are. So you are looking at the memory of yourself.
Now, are you a memory -- or the one having a memory?
Indeed, how far back would you go with identifying yourself with your memories?
The only true you is this one of the present -- when all selective acts of memorizing are taking place. However, there is one age with which you could share the status of a true you, and that is your babyhood -- the time when you had no past, no reference point, no memories to help you in identifying who you were.
Just like in times of your babyhood, now again are you are offered an opportunity of becoming, which brings us to another wise adage saying: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life".
However, this present you has one huge advantage over that baby that you used to be -- this time around you get to choose about who you want to unfold into, whereas that baby was not given such a choice, being molded by their primary caregivers and the society.
You have something like consciousness, and that's just another word for choice.
Every journey towards change begins with awareness.
-- Sharon Weil
There Are No "Original - and - Copy" Hurts in Life
One day it all dawned on me, how ridiculous it really was to ascribe any of the present emotions to anything back there in the past.
We simply feel the same emotional pattern at different times of life -- not that one is "originating" from another back there.
So, your feeling bored or lonely as a kid has nothing to do with your feeling bored or lonely these days. To say that it "originates" from that childhood experience would be like saying that the pain from hitting your finger by accident with a hammer "originates" from the pain from hitting your finger with a toy.
Let us not believe too much in psychology about childhood traumas still affecting us. No one is telling us that we have to replay an emotional pattern from the past, and we are doing it only because such pattern is more "popular" in our inner dynamism than the one which we haven't even tried to make more popular.
If we are to give some unfortunate childhood experiences such an important place in our present life's emoting -- then how come that we are not doing the same with our toilet training?
Why could we so easily grow out of wearing diapers -- but then let ourselves drag into our adulthood those emotions which are not serving us at all, just like diapers are not?
I call it mental laziness. Laziness to yank ourselves out of some emotional automatisms. We can't blame our brain for doing its job properly -- namely, serving us the same emotional reactive patterns which we made "important" by allowing them to hang around.
Call it emotional habit. Like any habit it will persist for as long as it's not changed. In our memory bank we got this image of ourselves that's emotionally charged with some past experiences.
So our brain "reasons" that's who we are, since that's the only emotional deposit that we have kept in our emotional bank account. If you will, use the metaphor here with someone who has kept their image of a financially struggling person -- while suddenly winning millions on lottery.
What happened in so many of such real cases?
The person kept working in that factory, emotionally frozen in their past, unable to replace that image with one who got a huge opportunity to go creative about the quality of their life.
But then we have to go beyond the programmed mind into the vast realm of heart, soul, consciousness, spirit -- call it what you please -- where change is only possible to be initiated. Our programmable mind doesn't care if we keep replaying a non-serving program; it's that deep feeling in heart which keeps being unhappy with the way we are.
That part of us which knows that we deserve better, while just not knowing that it's possible.
We are chained by our own control. Life is nothing more than finding the key that unlocks every part of our soul.
-- Shannon L. Alder
Being by Habit or by Choice -- That's the Ultimate Question
Now we have to touch the theme of personal vs. collective consciousness.
Our collective consciousness keeps telling us how it's not "popular" that people are changing themselves into something they would rather be. On the contrary, we even hear people proudly saying something like: "That's who I am and it's a matter of my integrity that I will stay this way."
Now, stubbornness is so often mistaken for integrity.
People are pathetically low on having cultivated their own, personal consciousness, detached from the collective one. And even when they think that they are exercising their own free will -- it's not free, it's an echo of someone else's mind.
They don't even have a true taste of their own will, their own mind.
So from that collectively run platform they cannot change. Einstein said: "We cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it".
We have to go beyond the social programming in our brain and take the counsel of our heart. That truth-telling heart which keeps nagging us how we are better than our life has been showing it.
Somebody back there started the whole crappy paradigm of "normalcy", and from that point on everybody is trying so hard to suffer as "normally" as possible, to be recognizable as a part of the herd, not only as a law-abiding citizen, but also as a paradigm-abiding victim.
Ever since we got so nicely carried away as kids playing our chosen hero -- and then mother had to spoil it with a call for dinner -- something in us is reluctant to have a dream and to follow it until it would become our reality.
It's not popular, not even "normal" to change. "What will THEY say if we stop discussing politics? What will THEY say if we stop complaining about our health? What will THEY say if we admit that we are not into any of the organized religions?"
How "abnormal" will it look if we keep a Mona Lisa smile on our face all the day long, and just play out that best in us?
It's nothing short of becoming a social heretic, suddenly being called all kind of names -- people even being "sorry for us". Well, I should know, people don't have to call me "an oddball", a "weirdo", or whatever else -- their eyes have called me that many, many times. And every time it just strengthened my resolve to stay loyal to myself -- "warts and all", with my own style of being imperfect, with my own flaws, simply because being free is such an incredible dope of a feeling.
So, what do we do?
Do we stay loyal to the crowd and keep playing a victim of politicians, gods, doctors, bitching friends -- and worst of all -- our own betraying ourselves; or do we grab life by the horns, pull ourselves up by bootstraps and change into a happy, calm, emotionally sovereign, out-of-box thinkers, creating our own inner reality?
Because we can, and just for the hell of using our own mind.
Because it's such a fun being proactive instead of being reactive, and outgrowing our yesteryear's selves into ones of our own choice.
Been there. Done it.
This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.
© 2022 Val Karas