Skip to main content

All That Jazz Hands, and Feet

I was born in the south. I live in the south and will die in the south. This is only a small part of the memories I share.

Time Again to Look

into yet another part of our lives that bears acknowledgment. And who better than to talk about our topic than yours truly? When I tell you the name of this commentary, you will wake up and feel oh so good. Ready? The title of this piece is: If There are Jazz Hands, why not Feet Hands? You think that this is silly? Not so. Recently, almost an entire evening was broadcast exhibiting Hollywood's Best. And each "best" category winner, a gold statue, an Oscar, was given to them and now each winner today thinks that much more arrogant than before.

Told you they exist.

Do you and Everyone Else Think

that I am upset? Not in the least. I just believe, like every American, we all should take a part when it comes to Discussing the obvious parts of life and inspect each moving part until we have gained a certain amount of contentment.

The thing, Jazz Hands, is beginning to get around all of us. I even seen it tonight on a rerun of "Mom," starring Anna Farris, a lovely young blond who needs NO Jazz Hands to accept a point being made in any discussion. It is what it is.

And you, pretty much like myself, should be barking the paint off your living room paint, why Jazz Hands? Good question. We already have a wonderful thing called Jazz, one of the most enjoyable segment of music ever to come down the pike. I love Jazz. I even love Jazz and all that Jazz. So in the controversy, Why Jazz Hands, the best question might be: can our great nation ever be expected to survive such a social upheaval as Jazz Hands when there are a lot of other body parts than (hands) if we are ever going to appear in a column by George Wil? I wouldn't put any money on America just squeaking by the Approval Rating by us only waving our hands wildly as when we hear great news such as your lovely girlfriend who you have dated for three years said YES when you asked her to marry you last weekend. If there ever were an opportunity to use another body part besides hands it would be Jazz Feet.

Let me explain. (this will be short since it is not complicated.) Jazz Feet works mainly on the same principal as one sitting down on the sidewalk, front yard or lawn chair--but when you hear news that does not really pertain to you, go ahead! Slap those feet up high! Ya-hoooo! I feel so much like the early settlers who founded our country when I can sit in my recliner and when I see a great news story about the Unemployment Rate in our country going Down, I kick my feet up as much as I would a wild jackass on acid. I mean wild, man. And to educate you on doing the Complete Jazz Feet, while you are running in the air, grimace your face and shut your eyes--to signal that you are all about Jazz Feet.

You didn't ask me, but I can overlook it, but I do Jazz Feet at home so much so that my wife when she sees me doing Jazz Feet, she finds an excuse to leave the room to find our pet dog, "Lucas," but the thing is, we have no pet dog named "Lucas" or even an Iguana. (Man, would I love one of those.)

Jazz Feet. Are you game? Why not rebel against the norm of Jazz Hands and let us be a nation of Jazz Feet so this way the people in Portugal can see that we are all a flexible society and able to adapt under any challenge. Don't you agree?

This expanding Social Sign of doing Jazz Feet can also be made the tool of embarrassment for you if you do not know what you're doing. You can interchange Jazz Hands with Jazz Feet, but NO, and I mean Absolutely NO trying to fuse both at the same time for it will look really stupid. I am not pulling any punches here because I care about all of you and love you all too. So let's holster those hurt feelings and know that with just a little practice you will be a Jazz Feet Master of your neighborhood, frat, sorority, prison cell and bar room. And Jazz Feet is a lot more fun than Jazz Hands which I think has seen its better days.

And you really cannot, under any circumstance, try to make other parts of your body into the Jazz repertorie. Example: Jazz Stomach; Jazz Head; Jazz Shins and Thighs and the most-embarrassment: Jazz Butts. See? You can only have fluid action with Jazz Hands and Jazz Feet. Got it?

All I got to tell you when your home, neighborhood, school, retail, and industrial businesses are all doing Jazz Feet . . .eat your heart out, Richard Simmons!

___________________________________________March 5, 2018

 A pair of Jazz Hands playing bass in Jazz band.

A pair of Jazz Hands playing bass in Jazz band.

© 2018 Kenneth Avery