Adult Kids: How Did They Turn Out?

Updated on September 27, 2019

Sooner or later, all parents face the empty nest. After some 19+ years of nurturing, love, training, advice, duty, and slavery, your adorable, lovable, kids are now adults. They are equals to you in the eyes of the law. You no longer can wield the authority over them you once had, in fact, at best, you can only be an adviser in hope of steering them. But in the end, they will decide. You may agree to disagree many times as the future arrives and all you can do is "let it go". Yes, for the parent, letting go IS the hardest thing to do now as they go off to far away places, college, have a career, prefer friends over you, create their own families.

How Did You do?

Its a difficult assessment for sure. You only have your own adult kids to show how you did as parent. Did some things stick and others just did not as you critique your parenting style? Did you do everything right according to books and advice, yet, not happy in how things did turn out? Are you blaming yourself for their bad decisions or life paths they chose? When you look back at their childhood, do wonder what went wrong or right?

Adult kids develop into a few categories:

  • They are successful in their own way, happy overall
  • They are struggling or not successful, unhappy overall
  • They are indecisive about what they want, not happy or unhappy
  • They are making bad decisions frequently and getting into trouble, they are angry and unhappy

Usually, the parent questions their own parenting success when something or event raises a conflict or tragedy. For example, a good kid grows up to be a criminal, or, why is my adult kid shutting me out of their life? Many times, what the parent perceived as a well adjusted, happy, childhood with love, looking back, is NOT how the adult kid remembers it or how they view it. This could be dramatically different in a point of view. If the experience was bad, a resentment may have built up over the years and never revealed until the child is now a grown adult. This may be the reason for how they interact with the parents as adults. Of course, if the experience was good, then fewer issues will occur between the parents and adult kids.

But let's fact it, adult kids can be much more difficult to handle and deal with for the parents who raised them. They have their own problems, likes and dislikes, maybe different moral issues and lifestyles. It can damage a relationship if either is not accepting it or accepting each other as equals. Parents always have a problem with this because for 18 years, they were the boss. They told their kids to do something and they did. Now, it is not so, yet, the memory and habit persists. Many adult kids will just appease any differences to avoid conflict. Those who do not usually have an ax to grind with the parent, maybe something buried long ago that still bothers the adult kid over some event. It can be a simple thing, something said, that the parent thought nothing of, yet, really hurt the kid, even into their adult years. Something never forgiven in their minds.

Usually, until the adult kids have their own kids, they do not fully understand child-parent dynamics. Having their own kids provides them with a light into why their own parents raised them, or did things, a certain way. This could ease any resentments as now they understand the phrase, "You'll never understand until your a parent yourself".

Once anyone is a parent, your job or role is for life. Even though you may not see your adult kids much, the bond of 18 years or so, is there forever, through good and bad. Even if you adult kids are estranged for whatever reason, in their own minds, you and them will be connected and childhood memories serve as a reason to make contact. The bond cannot be erased, no matter how hard one tries.

Questions & Answers

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment
      • perrya profile imageAUTHOR

        perrya 

        2 months ago

        That is so true, or, they make decisions you know as a parent, is a bad one.

      • Eurofile profile image

        Liz Westwood 

        2 months ago from UK

        At least when kids are young, you can pick them up, dust them down and set them on their feet again. Being a parent gets harder, especially when, as adults, you see your kids being hit with situations over which you have no control.

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
      ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)