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Abuse, Is It a Form Of Love???

I have never been abused before in my life!! I want others to leave abusive relationships. Abuse hurts!!!

Did He Just Hit Me?

We were just having a fun conversation, I thought. When he just pops me in the jaw. He was like a snake striking it was just that quick. I just sat there looking at him in disbelief. I just couldn't believe he just hit me! I don't even remember what happened next. It was if my mind just blocked out what happened next. There was a bad bruise on my jaw. Everyone wanted to know what happened. I was so embarrassed!! I just didn't know what to say.

I had just met this man a couple of months earlier, and he seemed like a very nice, fun man. We had only been seeing each other for about two weeks when he started being abusive. He was younger than myself, so I had some reservations. He starting using abusive language also to me. Why was I putting up with this?

The Abuse

I should have known how our relationship would be from that point. I had never been abused, and I knew my sister had been abused. She was married three time, and all of them she was badly abused. My daughter had been abused by her first boyfriend only one time. Thank goodness she was smart enough to get out of the relationship. There was a movie: "The Burning Bed" with Farah Fawcett. I understand that movie now. I can understand the pain now, but thank goodness I never thought of doing that. Although, he did tell me he would set me on fire! He also told me he would cut me up in pieces and throw me in the river, wow.

He hit me several times, but I will relate just a few in this article. One time we were going to go get something to eat. I don't know what I said, but he slugged me in my arm. I had a huge knot which turned into a very large black and blue bruise. My sister asked, "How did that happen?" One time I had my sister take pictures of some bruises on my face. He had taken a pair of heavy pants, and hit me on the side of my head which left some pretty bad bruises and a black eye. One time I was laying on the bed and he smacked me on the side of my face around my eye. That left a black eye. It also left me with seeing bright white marks, and still see them sometimes.

Another time we were going somewhere and he smashed my head against the car window. It's a good thing I have hair to hide the big knot on the side of my head. I'm surprised it didn't break the window or crack it. My head hurt seemed like for weeks. One night we were arguing and I shouldn't have, but I have to take up for myself. I thought. He smashed his hand on my face right over my eyes and my nose. I was bleeding a lot almost filled a top sheet before I could get to the bathroom. I kept screaming Tony what have you done!! He kept saying "Shhh Shhh" what was he afraid of someone might hear?? These are just a few of the times he abused me there are a lot more.

The Pain of Abuse, Not Just Physical

This is painful for me to write about. He abused me, and yes he used me too. He owes me lots of money, did I mention he was on drugs :~( I always believed he could be a better person. I believed that he could be the sweet and funny man I saw when I met him. He did stop drinking so much mainly because it made him so sick, and he stopped using drugs. But, the verbal abuse and name calling has not stopped. I blocked him from my phone because he disrespected me so badly. I am not with him and haven't been with him for a few months. But, believe it or not I do miss him, not the abuse, but I miss him. I will not be with him again because I know it will never change unless God intervenes and helps him.

I am writing this to maybe help someone else. Someone who might be in the same position I was in. To help whom ever make a good decision to get out of a bad situation. To be in that situation is downgrading and depressing. We couldn't go for a ride, shop or do things without him saying I am looking at other men. One time in Walmart a man was in front of us in the checkout lane, and the man looked at us. Tony almost went ballistic asking the man what he was looking at. I was so embarrassed.

There were other times too when walking through a store he would tell me he was going to put my eyes out. He thought I was looking at someone. I knew not to look at other people. So, I tried to walk only looking at the floor, is not easy. This story only tells a small portion of what I went through in almost four years. So, if you or someone you know is in a situation like this, get out. A lot of people die because they don't get out before it's to late. Tony would threaten to snap my neck. But, yet he would send me texts saying "Suzy, I love you." That was his pet name for me. I still cry for him, but I know this is best, that I stay away from him. It is very hard to do sometimes even though I think about all the horrible things he has done to me.

Never Let Anyone Abuse You!!

Everyone is beautiful in God's eyes. No one should ever be abused, or be made to feel like they are worthless. What happened to me has been a very valuable lesson to me, and I will not take lightly. I love that man, and that is the only reason I allowed him to be that way to me. He was wrong in what he did to me, and other women in his life. He broke one woman's arm twice. He has a very long record. I should have never let him get away with all he did to me. It was my fault, I allowed it. When the police came out one time I wouldn't press charges. They really encouraged me to press charges so that he wouldn't do that to anyone else.

The important point to this article is what I said earlier "Don't let anyone abuse you." I felt so useless and used. No one should ever be made to feel like that! He really needs help, and I have told him that he should get help. Even his family has told him that he needs to get help. I hope he does. I have told him if he ever hurts me again I will press charges. So, if you are being abused, or have been abused press charges so that the person can get the help they need.

© 2020 Nancy Moore

Comments

Nancy Moore (author) from Lakeland on October 26, 2020:

Thank you again dashingscorpio for commenting. Yes, I did go through that. It is something a person has to come to grips with. I tried to live with it, but I just felt to badly about myself to let it go. But, thank goodness I did and I am so much happier about my life. I pray for him everyday, I leave him in God's hands. I can do nothing never really could. A person has to see where they are wrong and want to change. He would tell me I'm going to go back to anger management, but he would never make the call.

Take Care, I appreciate your comments :~)

dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 26, 2020:

"I did and still do love that man."

"I thought he would change, and that I could help him change."

Those are two statements abused women often make.

Holding onto memories of when they first got together during the "infatuation/honeymoon" phase keeps their hopes alive.

They disconnect from how the man treats them Right Now.

Most people don't change unless (they) are unhappy.

If you or your partner has to change your (core being) to make a relationship "work" it usually means you're with the wrong person!

Life is too short to be trying to change water into wine.

The goal is to find someone who (already is) what you want.

There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

Thankfully there are over 7 Billion other people on the planet!

The world may not owe you anything but (you) owe yourself the world! Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself.

Best wishes!

Nancy Moore (author) from Lakeland on October 26, 2020:

Yes, you are so right dashingscorpio. I said in my article that I had not been in that relationship for a while now. But, that doesn't change the fact that I did and still do love that man. I do love myself, and did then. I thought he would change, and that I could help him change. My sister and daughter told me I was enabling him by staying with him, and letting him be that way to me. Being away from him is the best thing I have done in a long time. I am very happy. I am free from his abuse and abusive language. I am free to go where I want, and free to look where I want. I wanted to help anyone else who may be where I was to realize that there is life outside of an abusive relationship. That there is happiness. That no one can get them out but themselves, and that takes strength and courage that God can give to anyone who asks.

Thank you so much for responding I really appreciate you took the time. Your response may also be what someone might need to leave an abusive relationship.

dashingscorpio from Chicago on October 26, 2020:

Generally speaking if you (love yourself) you won't tolerate being mistreated. In the words song by Whitney Houston:

"The Greatest Love Of All Is Learning To Love Yourself."

When (we) change our circumstances change.

Each of us gets to (choose) who we spend our time with.

No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.

"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

- Oscar Wilde