I was born in the south. I live in the south and will die in the south. This is only a small part of the memories I share.
After All of These Years
I find myself the picture of someone who is very ignorant. Very ignorant. I'm not ashamed to admit. I've been to this rodeo before, and it never feels good. Every time when a man believes one thing and it becomes a hidden truth, it's painful. I confess. I am not talking to any one man in my audience, just sharing a bagful of pain and embarrassment that I am sitting down for a while and get my breath.
Over the many years of my life, I have spent so much of my time in wasting words, questions, and jokes just to make (that) certain girl smile and laugh. But when the laughing was finished, so was she and I was back to the joke books that I kept in my room. Then disaster hit. Each time that I used a joke, I would mark it as so I would not use it again, and on this instance, I had to dispose of more than four great books of snappy jokes and cute one-liners. This was a dark time, I tell you.
Then on One Windy Night
I stumbled upon the answer to why I was so unsuccessful in spaking to women. And what I found was at most, laughable than ridiculous. I was shaving, and while this is very ironic because I was getting readyfor a date, and noticed as I tightened my chin to shave more stubble, I had to make a stern facial expression. The same when I wanted to shave closer on my jaws and so I had accidentally-discovered why men (actually women) speak without opening their mouths, but women on the other hand, can use their facial features not just to look pretty, but to communicate to us men who are less-learned in the Communication Dept.
And look sometime the next time that you have a serious chat with your wife or girl friend and depending on the subject, you will instantly notice her facial features come to the forefront and talk to you the loudest, but you must watch and not miss a second because what a woman says to you either by facial features or word of mouth, could be THE most important things you could ever hear.
So now if you are ready, the men of course, let's have a lesson about Best Respect a Woman's Facial Features For They Speak The Loudest. You'll love it.
If a Woman's Eyebrows Raise Upward
⦁ in a quick manner, she is surprised at something you just said that was purely senseless.
⦁ if her eyebrows look downward, she is just been hurt by something that you said was so senseless.
⦁ if either her left or right eyebrow raisees upward, she is really suspicious about you telling her something that she has just found to be so ridiculous.
⦁ if her eyebrows move upward and downward, she is doing an excellent Groucho Marx impression. Fact: only women can pull this impression because a man's eyebrows cannot move this fast.
If a Woman's Eyes Should
⦁ shut swiftly, she is about to laugh at you, so be prepared to endure some good-hearted humiliation.
⦁ open wide, this can only mean that she is very surprised at something you did or said, so you might not be laughed at right here so you can breathe.
⦁ shut her eyes so tightly that she cannot get a nickel inside her eyelid, then she is angry and my friend, I do mean angry. If I were you in this case, I would be packing right away.
⦁ stares at you with a longing stare, this shows her mystery in action. This means that you might have said something sensible and she is mulling it over or . . .you have said something (again) and she's thinkng of how to get rid of you.
When a Woman's Lips Are
⦁ pouty and full only means that you are not the guy she is looking at. I know what I am talking about.
⦁ being bitten lightly does not indicate that she is afraid, but studying to find out just how long she is going to have to endure someone like you.
⦁ relaxed and motionless can tell you that she is not thinking of you or anyone else. Now is the time for you to leave.
⦁ she is forming her lips to kiss an 8x10 glossy photo of Tom Selleck, and not you. Oh, she can be using her lips to say good-bye to you and for you to not come back any time soon.
Summary: I never said that this lesson was going to be easy. So if you are goig to chat to a girl and her facial features give you some discomfort, just take my advice and head home. FAST! (K.A.).
January 1, 2021_____________________________________________________
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