Caston George is a 10-year veteran political professional and former politician, accomplished writer, researcher, author, and archivist.
Only the lessons of imperfect or even toxic relationships in my past have allowed me to have an argument-less and fight-less relationship in my present.
But do our partners of the present have enough patience to stick with us while we learn the lessons of, and heal from, the trauma of the past?
"Love is patient, love is kind." - 1 Corinthians of the Holy Bible
"Love is the province of Venus Verticordia [Venus, the Goddess of Love; the Changer of Hearts]." - The Acta of the Arvals of Ancient Rome
To love is to believe and hope, and a certain bright factor hard to describe; and so love is comprised of faith, hope.
This trinity of the soul is a powerful force. In order to make it, courage is necessary.
Love must be tested. faith, and consequently hope and love, are free gifts from the Divine that man, far from being able to impose them on others, does not even impose them on himself.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love always endures.
Love does not hurt. Love does not strike. Love is honesty.
Love is faithfulness, if not fidelity; and fidelity, if not faithfulness.
Love is keeping your promises.
Love is sticking by one another through good times and bad.
For richer or for poorer. One should never turn one's back on true love.
Love is a many splendid thing. Love Lifts Us Up.
All you need is Love.
I have loved in my life, sure, but, there are only two men whom I would count as those whom I have loved truly; as in the legendary True Love.
One of them died over two years ago. I loved him very imperfectly. But I loved him truly, and became his champion and warrior after he became late, standing up for justice for him, even alone, and never giving up. His name, for those new readers, is Jaron. He and I had a very toxic relationship, which ended about five years ago, and we were together for ten. Still, despite that toxicity, we did love each other, imperfectly.
The other great love of my life is the one who has loved me best out of all of the men I've dated.
He is in my life now, and due to not wishing to embarrass him (he disdains public attention) I have not and will not name him in this article.
Presently, our relationship is at a crossroads, and can go in any direction.
This is due to my healing from the trauma of the past (relationships and events mostly prior to our own) and how long of a healing process that has been - and how much further, if any, his patience with me can be extended.
The greatest threat to my relationship with him is time, and my own self and ego, which I have had to do battle against and check; and reform and improve upon in order to keep him.
I have worked hard to overcome the setbacks that grieving during COVID19, which shut down every resource a normal mourner would have at his disposal, turning it into an unending grief.
Grief is the price we pay for love, and it is an exquisitely painful lesson I have had to learn first hand.
It made me love my present-day love far better, however, for having grieved for my late ex-partner, however.
Grief is the opposite of love, it's the other side of the coin.
Because if you love someone, either you or that person will pay for that love in grief.
Grief is, as Queen Elizabeth II reminds us, the price we pay for love.
But, it is also revealed thereby as a truly and literally Supernatural force, real as real can be.
It is far more than oxytocin and social bonding, intimacy, psychology, physiology, pheromones, hormones, or chemicals whether manufactured or natural.
Love is more than that. It is a transcendental Supernatural force, and this is easily demonstrated.
Love is indefinable, but you can certainly tell what love is by what love is not.
And so one must ask oneself, what is the opposite of love?
The opposite of love is not anger: anger is often the frustration of love or love expressed very poorly.
The opposite of love is not hate: with all due respect to Mrs Hillary Clinton, hate is the absence of love.
The opposite of love is not fear: Sorry, Donnie Darko didn't get that one quite right. The opposite of fear is courage and fearlessness, although courage is from the French word, cour, meaning heart, and rage -- courage is literally, the rage of the heart.
The opposite of love is therefore grief, it is the other side of the coin. You cannot have one without the other, eventually but what that tells us is that love is a truly and literally Supernatural force; and this is why.
We understand from life and science and religion that opposite forces, like sides of a coin, cancel each other out: for every high there is a low, every depth is also a height, depending on if you are downward looking upward, or upward looking downward.
But love, unlike other forces, amongst the miracles that it really brings, does not get cancelled out by its opposite, grief.
Over time, perhaps, or circumstance, love gets stronger, and grief gets weaker.
One loves those they grieve for more perfectly as days, months, and years progress.
And unlike other forces that are cancelled out or equaled in their powers to one another with and by and because of their opposites, love overpowers its opposite force.
Love is demonstrably Supernatural. It can transcend the bounds of science and the fringes of normality and can transcend and penetrate through even the barrier between life and death itself.
Love is Magic. Real Magic, supernormal and supernatural, in this world.
That is not found in nature anywhere else but save for only one case: Light.
Light always overcomes darkness. It is the nature of light.
Light a candle in a dark room to see what I mean.
Light plus dark will result in light. Light plus light will result in more light.
Dark plus dark will only ever result in more dark.
And as the American president Mr Kennedy once aptly put it, referring to hope, which we have aforesaid herein is one of the many component pieces of love, it is far better a thing to light a candle than it is to sit and curse the dark.
And that is why we must never give up on hope, and never give up on love.
Perhaps you may think this too lofty unless you have been, as I have, in a situation wherein you must fight for the honour of a ghost.
To have your love be tested after one of you is gone is a true test of the trueness of love.
True love's kiss is, in stories, powerful enough to revivify and bring the dead back to life -- and it is that powerful, really; because usually, in order to find and have true love, it is usually only after one of the loving partners is gone.
And fighting for the honour of a ghost -- a most honourable thing, indeed -- when one does not have to, against adversity, or at great cost or personal risk, is an act of true, and, one hopes, redemptive love.
True love is a real thing.
And the absence of true love can devastate, and that devastation can suck beyond the telling of it.
I don't have any real shame admitting that I did not take out trash even for months after Jaron "became late" (he will never really be deceased to me, he will always just be "late", because he's been late for everything ever since I've met him, I lovingly say), I couldn't get out of bed most days.
Things build up and worsen throughout COVID, and the fear and uncertainty and caring about the pandemic that you all experienced, I was insulated from, because I had reached out to so many people, who could not bring themselves to care about or even have sympathy for someone in grief, when they were fearful of an invisible killer lurking in the breeze, and the government ordering people to stay away from all others, and home at all times.
I learned that people do not know how to respond to grief very well, on good days; to say nothing of bad ones.
I had to undergo a lot of growing up during quarantine.
And it is the lessons I've learned from that abnormal grieving process, which will never go through all five of the commonly agreed-upon stages (that's my Jaron for you, always the exception to the rule) which I began just before COVID emerged, at the start of 2020, that have allowed me to actually have a far more perfect love today than I have ever before had.
That is not to say that we do not have our issues, and we do; but, we do not fight about them as most pairs might.
We do not really argue, and we certainly do not strike one another.
The one I love, who went through quarantine with me, undertook the task of loving me and improving me, helping me back up, when no one else could, due to distance, both social and continental, or would, due to their fear and mass hypochondria.
I dare say I finally became the man he wanted me to be for him, finally, at long wait.
I also dare say that, much like the last relationship in which I had to step up and be more than a man, doing all that I can, I fear that I may have done so too late.
His patience may have worn out with me. True love missed by perhaps only a few days.
Losing Jaron made me dread losing other people that I love.
I now struggle with that dread as our relationship reaches this crossroads, which could be its continuation point, or its end.
The changes that I have instituted and enacted and made in my life have been monumental.
Perhaps to a sudden observer it may not seem like much improvement, but if you only knew how far I had to go, and how difficult the path was to get here, you would know how herculean of an effort it was.
Things like adulting. Staying on top of my stuff and getting my stuff together, in regards to employment, cooking, cleaning, laundry.
Not being a stay-at-home loser, layabout mourner, or, gentleman of leisure in a bathrobe who doesn't leave the house and chainsmokes all day long.
COVID killing my industry left me jobless and trying to cold start a career from scratch is now my agenda item, but even that takes secondary place to he whom I love most in this world.
I started the "Every Day" campaign.
I make him breakfast, in bed, every day; and on days when that is not particularly feasible (or when he wishes to make it himself) it turns into a dinner or a lunch.
Making him breakfast every day, and seeing him wake up to a home cooked breakfast (which I get creative with, always to ever-improving results), has become, veritably, the happiest part of my day.
It is what I look forward to the most, and I have become a morning (and not mourning) person, and there is no coffee - or even speed, for that matter - anywhere in the world of any kind or sort or nature than can match the quickness of my step when I first wake up and instantly rise up out of bed, headed straight for the kitchen to feed the cat, and to make him breakfast!
He makes me really happy. In fact, and in truth, he is the only real sunshine that I have left in this world; I say with truth as he who is one who certainly knows, that I could never, with all of this history to carry with me, ever again after him cold start from scratch a relationship again.
By destiny and devotion, he is my best and only love, today; at least, I still hope he is.
I do not raise my voice in my relationship - because if there is anything I have to say that requires me to raise my voice to him in order to say it, then, whatever that thing is, it is not something that I need to care way that much about, if it requires me to shout.
And having been in a relationship in the past that were quite toxic, I have made it an inviolable and sacrosanct tenet of my relationship with him that we would never physically fight -- on my very soul, there has never nor will there ever come a day when I would ever strike someone I love.
Over five years ago, Jaron and I were awful to each other, behind closed doors, in our ten year relationship; the toxicity did not span the whole decade, however.
Jaron was my first and last and shall ever be my only relationship that had or will have become physical or destructive.
At the time, I put a lot of the blame on Jaron, and that really was irresponsible of me; but in relationships, I have learned, that it is never usually in the heat of the moment that one pauses for thought or to be sensible, unselfish, and thinking from the perspective of the person you are trying to argue against, or with.
To see yourself through someone else's eyes is a difficult thing to do, and to see things from all sides, impartially, is a lesson I've learned and a skill I've picked up (ever improving thereupon) from my Monarchism, and being true to it (and to myself).
But, the truth is, that it was both of us. It does not matter who started to get physical with who first. Because it takes two to tango.
In every relationship that I have had since Jaron, it has been my point unfuckwithable, that, one must never strike someone he loves.
Never. There is no but to that sentence.
That is not to say that those who have been in situations such the like previously can't find redemption, but it is not to come but only after going through the hard and torturous road of suffering and self-discovery and transcendence that I have been on myself, and have, through ups and downs, triumphs and setbacks, successfully navigated and walked.
I would even say that someone such as I hope I am is perhaps far better suited for relationships than is or could be almost any other, because unlike those who have never been in or who have avoided toxic relationships, when one learns the lessons of those relationships, one understands what it is to hurt, and to be hurt, by another.
Eventually, one meets the one that he cannot unhurt. That teaches empathy. And it is that moment that this universe, and the Divine Providence that we receive from the powers that be, begins an extraordinary process, in which, over time, however long or short a time that is, these angry and violent things become kind, gentle, tender, loving, and protective.
In ancient Rome, the progression of the religion of Mars the God of War is one in which Mars is given a new epithet after years of warfare, that of Mars the Pleader for Peace - he who has been to war, who knows war, who is the god himself of war, and who wants to spare those men in his goddom upon earth from the evils and horrors of war.
This makes him Mars Ultor - Mars, the Avenger. The Protector. The Hero.
I am proud to say in truth undeniable that I have not broken that promise made after my relationship with Jaron, that I would never strike, nor allow myself to be struck, by another with whom I am in love with.
He whom I love today is precious to me; with every heartbeat I have left in this life, I would, and will, defend his every breath.
I'd step in the pathway of a knife or bullet for him, without hesitation.
I'd leap into harm's way to defend him.
I would, and have before, walk with him through the scariest of darkened alleys to protect him.
And even his reputation I guard, by not naming him in this post, so as not to embarrass him with mushy nonsense.
I have become his champion, sort of, in a way very different from my quest for Justice for Jaron.
My enemies and adversaries were not people, but circumstances and myself.
I fought a war in that regard, against my own self, and have made significant victories.
But time may have simply run out, and his love for me, waning, may have left with it.
I pray that is not the case.
But I stand true and tall today as living proof, from experience, of the power and force of endurance and love and courage and fearlessness, and above all, truth.
Truth and love together are electric, light lightning. A powerful force indeed.
I am lucky to have both.
As well as an enduring resilient heart and a spirit that will never give up.
I could not imagine giving up on him, unless he ordered me to.
In which case, I love him enough to let him go, if I had to, because his happiness is actually my first duty.
Love is also unselfish. Love forgives. Love does not hold grudges. Love is patient.
Love is what I've got.
I hope that I am not the only one left who has it.
Please take the lessons you have read here and implement them well in your own relationships, so that I am not the only one who understands the Supernatural reality of love that is true, real, courageous, and devoted.
Have faith. Don't lose heart. Never say die. And never, ever give up on true love.
© 2022 CastonGeorge