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A Letter to Mama

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Krishna has been a writer with an enthusiasm about life and psychology. She loves improving herself through reading and constant learning.


My Mama (mother) gave birth to me on February 2, 1997 inside a jeepney (vehicle in the Philippines) on a ride going to the hospital. I entered the world hastily without waiting any longer before they reach the hospital. At that moment, my Mama said that she had a hard time giving birth to me without the assistance of a medical doctor and other medical practitioners. However, she said that she is very happy that even without their assistance, I came out healthy and well.

I came out two years after my elder sister. I knew that because of our close age gap, my parents have to handle two babies at home at the same time - which is not an easy task. Blessedly, my sister and I grew up well disciplined and respectful. This is something that I am proud of especially with how our parents raised us.

Her Strictness and Nagging

Just like other Filipino mothers, Mama is also strict. She is not that talkative like the other, but when she is angry, she nags - a lot. It is like waiting for a volcano to errupt.

Mama is strict. Not the type of strict that would send shiver down my spine, but the type of strict that we wouldn't want to oppose. It is only until internship that I got to sleep away from my parents and relative, while all my other friends have their own memories of hanging out at their friend's houses. Also, my parents have this very strict reminder: to not enter in a relationship until we graduate. I always remember Mama asking about the friends I hang out with, the boy that is with me on a picture, who will guide us during an outing, is there liquor involved, and so on and so forth.

She would always ask me if maybe my elder sister is already dating someone else secretly and that I should not follow her if ever she is really hiding something. Every time I go out, I have to answer a barricade of questions before I am given permission to go out. Whenever I am going out, when the clocks ticks 9-10pm, my phone would automatically be ringing. Mama would always be scolding me on why am I going home so late, and that I should go home already - no buts.

Despite all these, Mama don't hurt us physically. I remember that she spanked us - only once. That is during our childhood years, when my sister and I have several fight one after another. Because Mama don't really hurt us, I guess that one special day became so memorable for us that we don't want to fight endlessly anymore. Whenever we fight, we try to solve it quickly. It is because I think, we really deserved the punishment back then, and also because I felt that Mama was feeling sad because she hurt us on that day.


Stage Mother

Mama is one of the most supportive mother out there. I remember the days she would sleep late just to tutor us in the different contests that we compete in. She would always be in attendance if parents are allowed to enter the event. Whenever I go on stage and feel my stomach because of nervousness, I always remember that Mama is watching me and that - I should do my best.

I won't be able to forget that one time when I was in Grade 2 during elementary, Mama came to school to talk to my teacher because I was bullied. She found my test paper where my classmate (that one friend whom I consider my closest friend) have written something to bully me and hurt my feelings. It was something I couldn't forget because at that moment, I knew that even if everybody turn their backs on me, Mama would always choose to support me.

Her Patience

Mama is the most patient and understanding person I've ever met in my life. She would wake up early everyday to cook our food. During weekends, she would do the laundry. Because I and my sister are scholars in school back then and have to do enormous school works, Mama said that she could just do the laundry all by herself. Back then, I would volunteer to help her but as time goes by, by the time I get home, Mama already finished the laundry all by herself using the washing machine. I know and I am aware that we are relying too much on Mama. We are relying to her for our food, clothes, and just an assurance that everything will be alright with our day - I feel like we need to see Mama.

She understands our tantrums, sadness, and irritated moods. She always tell us to rest first because maybe after going to work, we are already tired. She always understand us, yet I sometimes wonder does Mama feel that we also understand her? Does she feel that we love her?

My Words of Gratitude

Its been ten years I think since I last said 'I love you'. I was a kid back then, and then everything became awkward for me. I don't express my feelings anymore. I avoid being too cheesy. I won't say those three words. I won't hug and kiss. Everything just suddenly change when you grow up.

It is only through writing that I could express my feelings openly and courageously.


© 2020 Krishna